Tristalyn

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Day 5... So.. a pretty rough start. My coach from work called to tell me my leave got denied.. so I have to be at work by Friday. There's no way.. mentally I just.. maybe I'm a sissy baby, and I'm fine with accepting that, but I can't. So I'll have to see if my Dr will give me an excuse for the weekend. It's my last weekend before my surgery, so hopefully that's not a problem. The idea of having to go back actually gives me massive anxiety. But - the good news.. I'M DOWN TEN POUNDS! Holy crap, 5 days and I've lost 10lbs! That makes me super excited. I don't need surgery, I just need to not ever eat again!! :D But, the weight loss does make it a bit easier to deal with. I tried mixing the vanilla premier protein last night with the powdered peanut butter. Ew. Maybe with regular vanilla powder I might like it more, but I hate premier shakes. I'll try it again tonight with the caramel syrup in it. Thanks to everyone who watched my video and subscribed. I'll make another one soon. I did test it out and my phone is way better quality so I'll use that in the future. 11 days until surgery!

I'm on day 4 of my liquid diet. Amazingly, nobody is dead yet. It's not gotten easier yet.. I still find myself sitting here goin "Oh hey I'm hungry, let me go grab something... oh no wait, I can't" Last night, I'm not ashamed to admit, I licked a dorito. I'm getting my protein in though, despite my hatred of the shakes.. powder is so much better than the liquid IMO. I did buy some caramel syrup tho to try in the vanilla... do I just put the liquid vanilla in my blender bottle? Because shaking it in the carton doesn't really blend well. I'm looking forward to being able to eat some soft soups after my surgery.. I'm looking at some cool ideas I can do and some recipes. I found this neat trick that if you freeze the soup in solo cups, just filling it a portion of the way, it freezes into these perfectly portioned cups that I can just pop in the microwave at meal time. If it works as good as it says it does. Getting my freezer fixed is my next big hurdle. I'm thinking about starting a video blog. Would any of y'all be interested in following my journey on youtube? Let me know!

So I'm on day 3.. to be honest, there's a difference, but it's mostly my peace of mind that I can hide in my bed and do this without having to be around it if I don't wanna be. It's still everywhere, but there's nothing I can do about that. Chuck and I went to Wal-Mart today, the goal being to see if they had any different popcicles than the other stores because I hadn't found any I liked yet. Ended up buying the boys some food for the week.. little things they can make themselves, pizza rolls, hamburgers, grilled cheese, etc.. Definitely jealous, but they have to eat. Chuck feels like he has to hide it from me and I don't like that. While I understand and appreciate the gesture, he has to eat.. and I know that.

The hunger continues.. I did find popciles tho. They are sugar free and they are cherry-pineapple and they are actually really really good.. so I'm happy with that. I also got more decaf sweet tea and some coffee and a few different drink flavors to try. I have to drink 64oz of water a day and it's a struggle to get all that in, and holy moly do I pee a lot, but I'm doing quite well with it. I don't mind the tea with the stevia sweetener in it.. so hopefully I like the coffee, too. I didn't get sugar free creamer tho, forgot that part :( 

I'm REALLY just absolutaly floored at the outpouring love and support from friends and family. People sending me messages to check on me, or just sending me silly video's and things.. it means SO much to me, you have no idea. I am very grateful for the wonderful people in my life. So thank you guys.. it means a lot to me. Your comments, support, messages, words of encouragement, all of it, just absolutely made my day today. 

Oh! As far as protein shakes go (yuck) I tried the muscle milk chocolate and it's actually the best out of all of them so far! I still have a lot of the other stuff to get through (again, yuck) but at least I found one I don't hate. Those premier protein shakes everyone suggested are just ew. lol 

Anyway, day 3 continues! <3

No matter what you're doing, you're most likely surrounded by food in some capacity. It's on commercials, in the movie you're watching, on billboards.. Today when I was pumping gas this was this giant cinnamon roll advert staring back at me and I about died. Everything is magnified right now that I'm not able to eat. I'm on day 2 of my liquid diet and it's not going as well as I'd hoped or envisioned. I went to work.. despite not wanting to, despite whining like a toddler and throwing a tantrum.. I went. What a mistake that was. I cried four or five times tonight.. possibly more. I was on the verge of tears the entire night. As I sat there with a friend on break watching as she ate this sandwhich that I'd never eat normally but man it smelled and looked good.. as I smelled the mcdonalds another co-worker brought in.. it was completely unavoidable. Co-workers all around me just conversing and talking about some bbq chicken at some place and my only thought is man, I'd love to suck on a piece of bbq chicken right now.. I can't expect them to stop talking about food just because of me, but to be honest it really sucked to have to listen to it. And again, the tears came. Needless to say, I've decided I'm hiding until my surgery. I took my leave of absence from work early. I won't be going back until after my surgery is over. I'm just so depresseed that even my husband has no idea what to do with me. He's never been in a position where he couldn't help me before, but with this... he can't. Nobody can. And it's all my fault. I got to this place.. I caused this.. and it wasn't from lack of anyone not saying something. I ignored the warnings, the health signs and symptoms.. It was all me. I just pray I make it through this and it gets easier.. because in this moment, I'm really hating myself, and life. Hangry is an understatement. 

So first day of liquid diet is almost over.. and I feel ick. My tummy is really really mad at me and I'm starving.. It's growling almost non stop and I'm sick to my tummy. However, I was sick to my tummy first thing when I woke up this morning so I think I might have a bug on top of starting this diet today.. I've tried two different kinds of powdered protein shakes.. the caramel latte and the chocolate. Neither are great, but both are tolerable.. however I just burped about 10 minutes after drinking the chocolate and the aftertaste is poo. lol The boys are being really good and supportive. I have to go to work tomorrow and I'm dreading this... having to eat something every 3 hours.. we'll see how I handle it. On the plus side, I'll have more time to play with my phone at lunch! Ugh. T-Minus 15 days until surgery. Which made me just realize I could have waited until tomorrow to start this diet.. FML lol

Well... the day is actually scheduled and now that it is, I'm getting super scared and nervous. I guess that's pretty normal? I go on the 7th of March for all my pre-testing and blood work and start my 2 week liquid diet, because I haven't been able to lose any weight pre-surgery. The actual surgery date is March 24th. I'm really gonna have to pay more attention to all the recipes and things for pre and post surgery rather than just favorite them... time to start buying the supplies, because it's coming so fast! My estimate time off work is 2 weeks. I'm hoping I can stick to that and I'm able to get around good after. This will be a huge adjustment for me, but I'm hopeful and excited to get this weight off. I'm getting scared for my health. Yesterday I got taken off birth control pills from my OB Dr because my blood pressure is high and I'm a risk for stroke. Here come the migraines and the PCOS symptoms. Ugh. Let's get this weight off and get my health back on track, ok? I need all the support I can get!

xoxo

Tiffany

So I've hit a wall in my journey to have weight loss surgery. I've gone through the six months of a medically supervised diet. I've got my doctor referral after having to have an EKG and then a stress test for clearance. My insurance (United Healthcare Community Choice) will cover my surgery, but the clinic I'm going to wants $1500 out of pocket. Thus, my wall. Being disabled, and still fighting for my disability, and my husband doing his best to support us, there's just nothing left to put towards my surgery. So I started a quest today to see if I can find a doctor that will do this surgery, accept my insurance and not require such a large amount out of pocket. If anyone knows of a Dr in the Knoxville area that meets this need of mine, please let me know! My journey is not yet over!