Food is Everywhere

Mar 10, 2017

No matter what you're doing, you're most likely surrounded by food in some capacity. It's on commercials, in the movie you're watching, on billboards.. Today when I was pumping gas this was this giant cinnamon roll advert staring back at me and I about died. Everything is magnified right now that I'm not able to eat. I'm on day 2 of my liquid diet and it's not going as well as I'd hoped or envisioned. I went to work.. despite not wanting to, despite whining like a toddler and throwing a tantrum.. I went. What a mistake that was. I cried four or five times tonight.. possibly more. I was on the verge of tears the entire night. As I sat there with a friend on break watching as she ate this sandwhich that I'd never eat normally but man it smelled and looked good.. as I smelled the mcdonalds another co-worker brought in.. it was completely unavoidable. Co-workers all around me just conversing and talking about some bbq chicken at some place and my only thought is man, I'd love to suck on a piece of bbq chicken right now.. I can't expect them to stop talking about food just because of me, but to be honest it really sucked to have to listen to it. And again, the tears came. Needless to say, I've decided I'm hiding until my surgery. I took my leave of absence from work early. I won't be going back until after my surgery is over. I'm just so depresseed that even my husband has no idea what to do with me. He's never been in a position where he couldn't help me before, but with this... he can't. Nobody can. And it's all my fault. I got to this place.. I caused this.. and it wasn't from lack of anyone not saying something. I ignored the warnings, the health signs and symptoms.. It was all me. I just pray I make it through this and it gets easier.. because in this moment, I'm really hating myself, and life. Hangry is an understatement. 

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