Lori C.

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When I had my surgery I don't think I imagined what my life would look like in 6 years.  I am still thrilled with my sleeve.  It is the best thing I have done for myself.  I am at 193 pound which is about 20 pounds higher than where I want to be but it is exactly 100 pounds down from my initial weight.  I was 213 lbs last year but I've managed to lose 20 pounds since October.  I will be honest that I haven't kept up good habits.  I've canceled my gym membership because of non-use and I'm not mindful of my eating.  The only reason that I am under 200 lbs is because of my sleeve. 

I'm still thrilled with my successes and the confidence I have because of my weight loss.  I love putting a towel around me after a shower.  I am still happy to shop in the non plus size departments.  I am grateful I can fit in an airplane seat and have plenty of room.  I can go out and talk to people and not feel ashamed of my size.  I'm still considered overweight at my current weight but I still feel like a rock star.

My husband is obese and I am encouraging him to look into weight loss surgery, specifically the VSG.  I've been out of the weight loss surgery market for a while so I don't know if there is anything new but for me the VSG is perfect. 

I apologize for missing a few months.  I was planning what to say for my big anniversary entry and I had so many thoughts I didn't know where to start so my solution was to put it off and I never get around to it.  So here it is a few months since my last entry and I am down 124 pounds and I weigh 169.  This past month has been a struggle.  I am having difficulty with my snacking at work.  I work for a family business and we are going through tough economic times.  Pair that with dealing with family dynamics and it equals stress which is alleviated somewhat through eating.  Unfortunately, we provide chips and snacks for our employees so there is always an abundant supply for my carb fix.  I don't want to take these items away from our employees because I can't control myself even though it would be easiest to ban them altogether.  I need to learn how to deal with the stress without eating.  I've been able to cut off snacks completely in the past and when I'm not at work it is much easier.  I rarely snack on weekends and if I do it is usually some string cheese or something light.

I noticed when I first started coming to this site that people would write in their blogs consistantly and then stop altogther.  I know I was addicted to this site at first and wanted to know everything and once I started losing weight I wanted to shout out every success.  I understand now why the further out you are the less interested you are to come here.  I no longer identify myself with being obese or having WLS.  It was such a huge part of who I was and how I saw myself and losing weight was a thrill.  Now that I am not losing on a daily basis it isn't a focal point.  Now that I am living normally I don't think about my body much anymore and therefore don't identify my size with who I am.  I don't know that I am expressing this in the best way, it is hard to explain.  I still deal with eating and body issues but it is much different than it was before and secondary to many things in my life.  I consider this a good thing but it also opens my eyes to things I've been avoiding.  I was good at focusing on my weight and blaming it for all of my problems.  I wasn't social and I was miserable and I blamed it all on my weight.  Now that I'm normal I'm finding I still have issues with socialization and while I am much happier I still find ways to be grumpy more than I would like.  I'm glad I was able to take the weight off so I can focus on the real reason I have these issues because now I don't have an excuse.

Physically, things are still saggy and I still miss my boobs filling out my bra but I'm accepting that I will never have a model figure and I look a whole heck of a lot better than before.  Some of my hair regrowth is a a bit course and wirey which is a pain since they are only a few inches long and stick out on the top of my head.  At least I still have hair and I think they are far less noticable than the extra 120 lbs. I carried.  I'm still working out with a trainer and while I still want to tone up a bit, I think I look good.

I want to give back and help out those who are starting out because I love how this site and its members were so supportive of me.  I'm sorry if I'm not around as much but if anyone has any questions please feel free to send me a message.

I'm down 120 lbs, that is 4 lbs down from last month.  This month has been interesting.  I started my personal training and started going to the gym.  I was busy and I was eating well and before I knew it I had lost 4 lbs. in one week.  The same week 2 people commented that I shouldn't lose anymore weight and they said it in a negative way.  Suggesting if I lost anymore I wouldn't look good.  I'm a little self conscious about how my face is thinning and it is a little saggy so this had me thinking that maybe I shouldn't lose anymore.  Then I met my boyfriends parents for dinner.  I haven't seen them since February and when I waved at them when we met at the restaurant they looked right past me and it wasn't until I was right in front of them and said "hi" that his mother recognized me.  She aplogized and said I looked great and proceeded to say that my face was so thin, that is why she didn't recoginize me.  She didn't say it in a negative way, but since I'm already self conscious about it I didn't take it as a compliment.  With these events I started worrying about getting too thin and I started eating more, however, when I started eating more I didn't feel good about my choices and I looked at my body and I still need to lose 10 lbs or so.  I'm not even at a normal BMI and I've come this close to goal so I was a little confused.  I think I've figured things out and I want to lose those 10 pounds.  The last couple of weeks my snacking has been bad.  When I journal and plan out my snacks, I don't even crave them until it is time.  I was busy and had some projects due, so I made the excuse that I didn't have time to journal everyday and I could eat a little extra to calm me down.  The result was I went up and down the same  2-3 pounds all month.  I would like to lose 5 pounds before my surgiversary next month.  I will go to the gym 4 times a week and journal my food everyday.  The good thing is I don't think my face can get any thinner and there is a beautiful thing call plastic surgery.  Actually I'm researching non-invasive facial procedures and they sound perfect for me so I'm not going to worry about the face issue.  My body needs to lose about 10 more pounds and maybe more for some wiggle room and I need to focus on what I need and not what anyone else wants.  I think some people are afraid I can't "turn it off" and that is what I was afraid of when I lost those 4 pounds quickly.  Since then I've proven to myself when I eat more I stop losing weight.  

In other news, I'm still thrilled with my weight loss.  It is just amazing to me and I am so grateful.  I don't think I would have joined a gym and hired a personal trainer at my former size and it feels wonderful to work out.  I would encourage everyone to get a personal trainer.  I know in the past when it was suggested to me I had no interest but it is so fun and rewarding everyone should give it a try.  I still take pleasure in the little/big things like wrapping a towel around me after a shower or how much I can tighten the belt in an airplane seat.  A couple of guys commented to my boyfriend, "What's she doing with you?" implying I was attractive.  He thinks it's great and says he's proud to have a "trophy" girlfriend.  I wore shorts in public for the first time in probably 10 years this morning.  It felt so good to feel the air and sun on my legs and to not be embarrassed of my large calves and pudgy knees.  I can't believe I'm still experiencing new victories 11 months after my surgery.

I went back and read my first post from last year before I had surgery.  I was so scared and I read posts every day from pre-ops that sound just like me.  I also read the ones about being miserable right after surgery and it is all so familiar and I try to provide support and offer words of hope and encouragement but I don't think I believed anyone at that time when they provided me the same advise.  I don't have children, however, I would imagine it's a little like childbirth and a newborn.  It is a painful event and confusing time when you are in the midst of it but looking back seems like such a small amount of time and sacrifice for an amazing new life.  Don't get me wrong, it's not like life is perfect or losing weight has solved all of my problems but at this point of time all of the worrying and suffering was so worth it and I would do it again and again. 

I'm down 116 pounds.  I try to wrap my head around that figure and I can't believe how heavy I was and how much weight I've lost in a short amount of time.  I'm not to goal and I'm not at a normal BMI yet, however, I don't know if I want to try and lose anymore weight through cutting back on my eating.  I joined a gym and started working out with a personal trainer.  My goal is to become fit and healthy so I don't know where that leaves me weight wise.  My personal trainer says I should probably start with losing 10 pounds and see where I want to go from there.  That sounds like a plan.  I think I'm losing too much weight in my face and I look a little drawn when I'm tired, so I want the rest of my body to lose fat and gain muscle.  I'm a work in progress, we'll see how it goes.

Every month it seems I encounter a stressful situation and I find myself looking to food for comfort.  In the past I would have stocked up on Ben & Jerry's, cookies, cakes and even a tub of frosting to put me in a coma to numb my feelings.  Now, when I want to rebel and eat away the pain I am stopped by my new stomach and I can only eat so much at a time.  Sure, there are times I eat more often and higher calorie foods than I need and I feel that old guilt creeping in, however, the next day I can make a choice to eat less and I do.  It is so much easier getting back on the wagon and there isn't that dread that I am doomed to fail when I overindulge.  I don't want to go down that slippery slope and get it into my mind that I can have extra snacks because I can lose easily because that may not always be the case, but for now it is a wonderful thing and I am so happy with my decision to have surgery and specifically the VSG.

My hair is continuing to grow back.  Temporarily losing hair was a very small price to pay for the happiness and confidence I've gained.  I'm still wearing a size 12 which is fine with me.  Everything is going well in the weight loss department.  I took better care of myself this month by getting a manicure, facial and buying new spring clothes.  I'm really proud of myself for hiring a personal trainer.  I'm excited to start seeing results.  My next step is to get back into golf, which is a sport I love.

I'm down 112 pounds.  I'm only down 3 pounds this month and it is a bit of a reality check.  I was down 4 pounds but I gained a pound.    This month has been a bit stressful, however, I want to be honest with myself.  I haven't been exercising or eating the foods that I'm supposed to.  I have 3 more months before my one year anniversary and I am going to get this weight off and get to goal by then.  I may adjust my goal weight from 160 to 165, we will see when I get there how things look and feel.  What is crazy is in the last few weeks I've had 4 people say it looks like I've lost a lot of weight the past couple of months.  I've only lost around 8 pounds but I think my body is adjusting and shifting or something.  I will never understand this weight loss thing.  I'm wearing a size 12 in most things, I would like to be able to fit into a size 10 before I stop losing.

This next month I am going to log my food daily on Sparkpeople.  Do some sort of physical activity daily.  Get more sleep and plan pampering treatments.  

I'm still thrilled with my weight loss and I feel so much better about myself.  This is where the work comes in and I need to realize it is not like earlier this year when I could eat junk and still lose weight.  I don't want to eat junk anymore, I don't want to go back to my bad eating habits.  I want to be healthy and fit and that takes effort.  My hair is coming back and sticking up all over the place.  Nobody notices but me, but it's kind of funny and kind of annoying.  My boobs and sagging skin are my new annoyance, but it is still all worth it to feel "normal" and fit into seats and shop in any clothing store I want.  It's still exciting and I love it.

I'm down 109 pounds.  That's a lot, but this months weight loss was a disappointing 5 pounds.  I will take full responsibility and admit I let things slide this month.  I was a little depressed and I noticed my eating was out of control for a couple of weeks.  I ate when I wasn't hungry and my old emotional eating was coming back to haunt me.  Fortunately, once I was aware of what I was doing I was able to get back on track quickly and dropped a few pounds.  I haven't excercised consistantly this whole time and I know I need to start especially with 24 pounds to go until goal.  I really want this remaining weight off before my year surgiversary and I know I need to exercise to get there.  It's time to refocus, get back to basics and challenge myself to become healthier physically and mentally.

There are still too many positives to mention.  I look and feel so much better.  It's the little things like fitting into airplane seats or fitting into the smocks at my hairdresser that make me smile.  My hair is coming along and not something I'm worried about anymore.  Losing weight hasn't solved all of my problems.  I still have to deal with life and not focusing on my weight and eating can bring other problems into view.  I'm still dealing with my emotional eating which is a bummer.  Nobody said this was a cure, but you can always hope.

I'm down 104 pounds.  I made it past the century mark and that is very exciting.  It was my goal to lose 10 pounds this month and I barely made it.  My weight loss last month was almost at a stand still but then it started to roll again.  I'm hoping to lose close to 10 pounds this month but I am getting closer to goal and I hear it is more difficult. I have less than 30 pounds until I reach goal and that seems achievable.  I want to stay focused and get through the last pounds before my one year surgiversary.

I look at my pre-op blog and have achieved all of the things that I was looking forward to in only 7 months.  I wore the size 12 jeans I bought last month to a hockey game last night.  They fit tighter than I'm used to but I was comfortable and I think they fit the way they were supposed to I'm just not used to showing my curves.  I saved jeans and shorts I used to wear that were from Express and The Gap and I can fit into them.   I feel normal again and that is amazing.

I am down 94 pounds.  I can't believe it has been six months. Many fabulous things have happened recently.  I have entered Onderland, my BMI is no longer obese and I was able to shop in the misses section for the first time in 10 years.  I must admit I cried when I saw 199 on the scale and I got a little emotional when I was in the dressing room trying on size 14 jeans and they fit.

I am so happy and relieved that I had surgery.  I look back at my life before surgery and it makes me so sad to think about how miserable I was.  I hated myself so much and was completely out of control with my eating.  I'm still in the honeymoon period and I know there may be struggles up ahead but I am enjoying the ride right now.

For the most part I wear a size 16 but in some items I'm an 18 and others I'm a 14.  I love Ralph Lauren.  He is generous in his sizing and I was able to buy a pair of jeans in a size 12 the other day.  I'm not going to wear them out yet because they are a bit snug, but I think by next update they will be just right. 

My hair has thinned and I don't see new growth yet but I don't think it is coming out like before and I should see it growing soon.  I've actually liked the change in my hair since before it was a massive poof.  I'm able to dry it quicker and straighten it without wearing myself out.  I don't want to lose anymore, but I'm not unhappy now. 

I am down 81 pounds and my weight loss is slowing.  I don't think I will make it to my goal of Onderland by New Years.  My eating habits are slowly getting away from protein and for some reason this time of year and the weather makes me want to take shelter and eat.  I've been grazing more, but nothing major.  I need to get back to basics and maybe then I will see the scale move with more consistency.

Positives this month ... I went away for Thanksgiving and when I came back I had lost 2 pounds.  I don't remember a Thanksgiving where I lost weight.  I was able to start wearing a ring I haven't worn in years.  I had to throw out a bunch of clothes.  Almost everything in my closet is too big or getting very loose.  I only have a few items that fit.  I need to go shopping but I don't want to pay for things I will get rid of soon.  Oh well, I would much rather buy new clothes because they are too baggy instead of being too tight.  I shudder to think what weight I would be at right now if I hadn't had this surgery.  I know I would be over 300 lbs.  I was out of control with my eating and this surgery has helped me so much.  I am so grateful.

Negatives ... My hairdresser noticed my hair loss which was kind of depressing but she didn't notice until she started working with it.  It wasn't like she could tell just by looking at me.  I think the hair loss has slowed.  I think I was fortunate that I had a lot of hair to begin with.  I'm noticing sagging skin especially my arms.  I don't know how my belly is going to turn out.  I still have 52 pounds to go so we will see.

The weight loss slowing is a little depressing but I had good run and it's still going in the right direction.  I'm not done losing yet.  I feel much better and I'm beginning to feel normal and that is a beautiful feeling.

I'm down 71 pounds.  I would love to be below 200 lbs. by the end of the year and close to 100 lbs. gone by 6 months post op.  I was losing quickly in October but then it slowed dramatically the last couple of weeks so I don't know how hard it will be to reach these goals.

I reached some milemarkers this month.  I am officially over half way to my goal weight and I am now the weight it says on my drivers license.  I know it's sad that my drivers license weight was 70 lbs. off, but from now on it will be above my actual weight so it all works out.  I'm in a size 18 and as big as that sounds to non-obese people it feels wonderful to be in the teen sizes again.  I went on a trip and while on the airplane my seat belt fit and had room for me to tighten it.  When I stayed at the hotel they provided a robe and I was able to fit in it.  I haven't been able to do that in years.

I am losing some hair but it's nothing I'm worried about yet.  I'm also dealing with becoming a thin person.  When I was losing really quickly last month I went into a bit of a panic.  Partly because I figured it would lead me into a stall and partly because I don't know if I'm ready to be a thin person again.  Thankfully I am seeing a therapist who is helping me with these issues.  I'm almost scared that this is too good to be true and I don't want to believe it or it might stop.  I'm also a little scared of the attention I will receive.  My therapist says that I may be worried that once I reach goal that my life won't be perfect and I can't blame my weight anymore.  I don't want to start sabotaging myself and stop losing weight.  I'm at a point where I feel fine about my weight but if I don't lose anymore I will be sad.  I know I'm still obese and I want to fit into regular clothes someday.