Possible new forum/group

Is this even possible, especially on an international site? 80% of the time, when someone wags their finger at another's supposed nastiness, I'm left wondering why they were offended. The way people communicate differs, as does how people interpret tone and voice.

I guess you could require smiley emoticon use...that usually pacifies people. Otherwise, I don't know how you could appease everyone and their interpretation of language. 

For what it's worth, if you are always ending up offended, maybe it's more your problem than others. Not knowing how other folks communicate, unless the language is outright aggressive (in which case OH gets involves and deletes it), it's probably best to assume the writer is being direct, not offensive. 

^^^ What NHPOD9 said

I have observed your behavior the past few weeks on OH.  I think you will find the cause of your issues in a mirror.  Seriously!

 

 

 

The new forum should be call the "everyone agree with ME form".  It seems these folks that are complaining that others are "attacking them" are really looking for total agreement with their ideas and thoughts.  I've read through threads that people are accused of being mean and just don't see it.  Are they expressing their beliefs?  Yes, and that's a good thing.  That's how we learn and grow.  

You can't interpret tone and motive on the internet.  Grow a thicker skin and try to learn something from EVERYONE!

  

Well said.  Once upon a time, a wise person told me "if there are two ways to take something, and one of them offends you, try the other way."

Very valid point about the communication styles of other cultures.

I encourage you to gather your forum. However, I need reality checks during this journey. Usually reality checks step on my toes but I grow from these experiences. 'Positive' comments lie in the ears/eyes of the beholder.

I love this idea, Modest_Phoenix! As a newbie to this forum, it would be a great place to find connections and support! Reading over some of the secrets to success that others have shared, I think you would have a great platform to get this started. Let me know if I can help, even as a dedicated poster! 

I would encourage you to consider whether you REALLY want to be in a forum where people are only positive 100% of the time. If you are making poor food choices, do you really want people to just pat you on the hand, reassure you that we all make mistakes, and tell you that it isn't a big deal (even though you are making the same mistake over and over again)... Or do you want someone to be honest with you and point out your pattern of poor decisions (and/or rationalization of your choices) in a direct way that some might find to be too direct (or "mean")?  Which is going to serve you best in the long run?

Consider, too, whether you want to be in a group where someone arbitrarily decides when someone isn't "nice enough" or isn't supportive in the "right" way.  

We all got to the point of needing surgery to deal with our weight because of a long history of some combination of poor food choices, inability to control the amount of food we ate, use of food to soothe negative emotions or as a cure for boredom/loneliness, lack of willpower, and a significant amount of rationalization or minimization of our poor food choices and bad eating behaviors.  Our past continues to work against us after surgery, and sometimes the most supportive thing someone can do is to challenge a poor food decision, patterns of behavior that we may not see ourselves, or old ways of thinking that can still sabotage us post-op.

You would be surprised how many times people get in a huff over something someone posted that they thought was "mean", but then when they calmed down and really thought about it, they realized that the person was speaking the truth and that, even if they may not have been as gentle in their wording as some others might have wanted, they spoke up because they truly wanted to help the person be successful long term... and the poster has to admit that the "mean" person was right... And that if they had NOT been very straightforward/blunt, the OP would have just let their words go in one ear and out the other... That the bluntness was what caused the OP to really think about what was said.

Lora