Pee, Poo & Pew: A Dionysus Original

I’m all proud of myself and stuff, because I believe I just coined the phrase “Pee, Poo & Pew”.  I know my bubble may be burst, if and when one of my DS friends tells me it was just used yesterday.  I have never seen it, though.  Right now I’m high on myself.  Don’t worry; the feeling will only last a few minutes, and probably be gone by the time I finish this post.  So here is my original joke:

The three P’s (Pee, Poo & Pew) were sitting in a bar.  Pee turns over to the other two P’s and says, “What is taking this bartender so long?!  I’m parched!”   Poo chimes in, and says, “I know!  I want to order something to eat!  I’m starving!”  Pew looks at the other two P’s with a confused look, and says, “I don’t know what you two are talking about.  I’m so full, I feel like I’m going to explode!”

Do you guys hear that?  Is that a cricket?

I actually have a serious question.  Everybody is always saying research, research, research.  I have been doing lots of research, and have been asking lots of questions, as some of you may know from posting with me or reading my profile.

I have been experimenting on myself over the last few days.  I have been taking a ton of vitamins twice a day, in the morning and at night, to simulate whether it would be a problem for me to take lots of vitamins after my revision from LB to DS.  I figured the best way to know if I would have an issue with taking vitamins, is to actually take them.  I was wondering if any of my DS friends and other DS’ers could give me some feedback on my results thus far:

Pee.  I have noticed no difference in my pee, other than it is kind of like bright neon yellow.  It looks radioactive!  I’m guessing it is from the b-12 vitamin, because when I look at the colors of all the vitamins, that one is a strong orange color.  Is there anything else that is different after the DS as it pertains to urine, other than a potential change in color due to the vitamins?

Poo.  My thoughts on this is that I think I might be missing something here.  I have heard non DS’ers “flame” people for having the DS, because it causes stinky poo.  Poo stinks?  Really?  No **** (pun intended).  I mean, I don’t see any hand swooshing over my head.  **** stinks, doesn’t it?  Isn’t that what toilets are for?  I mean, is somebody at a ballpark, or in a bar, going to tap you on the shoulder after you use the rest room, and say, “by the way, I want you to know that I have studied human waste aroma for many years, and consider myself a connoisseur.  Yours is exquisitely pungent with a hint of burnt oak and smidgen of chocolate”?

Pew.  I don’t have any experience what it is like after the DS.  I understand that toots do not usually smell like roses.  Is it more than that, though?  Is it that there is a huge increase in volume of being flatulent?  Can we just take Beano or something else like that to counter-act the gas?  This is the one “P” that I think I might have an issue with under certain cir****tances, like a quiet dinner at an expensive restaurant with a group of people (or a romantic one), for example.  Are there things that can be done to counter act it?

I realize I like to inject humor into things, but my experiment and questions really are serious.  Can you help me with understanding these DS side effects?  Is there something that I am missing?  I really don’t have any firsthand experience, which is why I’m asking.  Thank you.

 

Hi Julie!  Thank you very much for your candor.  So, basically what we have to do is not eat carbs until later in the day, and eat mostly protein in the morning and mid-day?  That doesn't sound so bad.

 

You're funny, I totally got a visual of you slithering down on your chair.  Now, if DS is also going to bring me more humor into my life, then I'm getting it for sure!  

 

Yup - that's exactly what I do - here's an example of what I might eat during the week:

B#1    5:20 a.m.  Power Crunch bar (a great tasting protein bar without sugar alcohols)
B#2    Eggs and a crapload of bacon (I eat this during my conference hour - around 8:30)
S         Mixed nuts (I buy big jugs of them at Sam's)
L         Leftover chicken/roast beef/casserole/salad/taco meat....whatever I have cooked that week
           ** Potatoes, rice and corn do not cause me problems, but do fill me up, so I do eat these with my meals
S         More nuts, cheese, low-carb toast with peanut butter, something of the sort.
D         Whatever I make for my family
S         Greek yogurt, cottage cheese, corn cakes, whatever I feel like, but I try to include protein with it.

I loosen up on the weekends, and unless I have some kind of function to go to that requires for me to be gas free - I eat what I want

Ooo.  Yum.  I would love to have that menu!  My mouth is watering thinking about it.

 We DS'ers eat mighty well.
Today DH and I went for a little ride up north of us.   Beautiful spring day, and we wanted to do some antiquing.    We ended up at a little diner place and I had breakfast for lunch.....two eggs half of a thick slice of ham, a biscuit and a huge mountain of home fries.     Ate the eggs, half the ham, the whole biscuit (because it's the weekend and I eat what I want on the weekends) and a few of the potatoes.    Potatoes still really fill me up.    Tonight, we're making Indian Butter Curry chicken with basamati rice, and cauliflower roasted with garam masala.     Can you tell I'm still a food freak?
It's funny - when you're obese and obsessed with food, you're a "food addict."   When you're thin and obsessed with food, you're a "foodie."     Go figure.

Oops, wrong place.

PS:  I'll keep the Ozium - vanilla scent in mind, although I don't know what Ozium is.

Oh, OK.  Thanks for the recommendation.

 

 

 Yup, that's it.   I've tried everything out there and this seems to work the best, especially the vanilla scent.    The other day, I used it in the bathroom at work and then realized that I'd left something in there, so returned back to the bathroom about five minutes later.   All I smelled was vanilla.  Whew!

Well, that's weird.  I keep on replying to your post, and it keeps on going above your post.  IDK?

You've asked some great questions, and I have only five minutes before my first graders who up for music class, so I'll do my best to answer:

1)  Pee - if I don't drink a lot of fluids, my pee gets concentrated VERY quickly.  I do not pee as much as I did pre-op.   The highlighter yellow of your pee is from the B complex.

2)   DS poo has a very distinctive odor, and it changes in odor with what I eat.   Too many carbs/sugar, it has a strange icky yeasty smell.    It also has a longer "hang time."     My family is used to it now, but it was pretty surprising to all of us at first.   When I'm a good girl, take my probiotics and stay away from the idiotic things I often do not stay away from, it smells pretty close to normal poop.     One time, after several days of halloween candy consumption, I went pooped in a bar bathroom.   Someone went in after me, came rushing out and said "Oh my God, someone just DESTROYED that bathroom!"     I slithered down into my chair to make myself as invisible as possible.    My husband laughed his ass off.  He said, "Don't worry, no one would ever expect that someone as tiny a you could make such a huge smell."

3)  Pew - I have rarely ever had uncontrollable gas.     Like most DS'ers, my gas is worse late in the day.    I have complete control over it by what I eat.     Sometimes I do really stupid stuff though.    Ya know, this surgery just doesn't fix our heads.      Like the poop, the gas has this unique hang time.   Like, sometimes, days, LOL.     

My best defense?   Ozium - vanilla scent.   Works better than anything else out there.