Step away from the plate, chunko!

I came to a serious realization yesterday while I was having lunch. One of the biggest contributors to my weight problem has been "clean plate syndrome." Yes, I can blame my mother and grandmothers all I like, but the fact is that I have been making the choice to eat every bite of whatever serving I get of every food. So, in a restaurant, ordering an appetizer and entree means I eat a ton of food, considering that American sensibilities mean we get huge portions when eating out. And at home, in addition to taking way oversized portions for myself, I haven't usually stopped eating until every bit of it went down the hatch. It wouldn't matter how uncomfortable it made me, I would just not stop until I "made all gone" with my food.

Yesterday I treated myself to lunch at a local upscale winery. The food is excellent, and there are options that either already are or can be made fairly WLS-friendly by a few modifications. I ordered a parmesan crusted chicken breast, which came with a chopped tomato and basil topping, green beans and rustic mashed potatoes. I also ordered a side of Asian cole slaw, as I'd had it before at this restaurant and knew it was delicious. Sure, I could have done slightly better by ordering a grilled option, etc. (I did have them hold the lemon butter sauce!) However I decided to eat something delicious and then adjust my food intake for the rest of the day to compensate.

First of all, when the server asked me if I wanted the lunch portion for the entree, I didn't even think about it when I said "yes". Once upon a time I would have ordered the dinner size, without question. Then when my "appetizer" came, I ate three bites of the cole slaw and pushed the plate away from myself. When the entree came, the chicken was a thin pounded breast about six inches by three inches. I ate all the chicken with the fresh tomato topping, two green beans and three forkfuls of mashed potatoes. At that point I again pushed the plate away. Now keep in mind I could have eaten more. I had plenty of room left for more of those potatoes, green beans and cole slaw. But I was satisfied...I'd tasted everything, and took my time eating in order to enjoy the flavors. I satisfied my hunger, as well, and felt fully comfortable without feeling overly stuffed and miserable.

While I was waiting for my check I studied the plates I'd left. Yes, the amount of food I'd left behind was terribly wasteful, and I didn't feel good about that. But neither did I feel the need to eat it all just to make it go away, either! Eating out has become a big waste of money and food for me now. I'm more comfortable taking just a couple of bites and then handing my plate over to my husband if we're eating out together or just leaving it on the table if I'm alone. (And I do realize that letting my husbeast finish off my plates isn't doing him any favors, so yes, I'm working to try to change that behavior on my part as well. I can't help it if he takes my plate from me, though, that part is on him.)

I was struck with how very differently I see food now in terms of the amounts I eat and my willingness and ability to leave food on the plate. The husbeast is still shocked every time I say "Do you want the rest of this? I've had enough" and there's barely anything eaten off the plate. Seeing a plate of food no longer triggers a knee-jerk reaction in me: "Gotta eat it all!" I can have a couple of bites of something and be perfectly ok leaving the rest. This...is huge. HUGE. I can't overstate that. All my life I've eaten ALL the things, and now? Thanks partly to my new anatomy and also thanks to some head work on my part I can eat reasonable portions and be happy and satisfied.

I walked on air for the rest of the afternoon, and I hope everyone reading this who's struggled with the same thing I have can come to a similar place of peace regarding their food.

That is awesome.. for me too.. it was weird at "leaving food" on my plate.. My parents were depression era raised, and you DID not leave food on the plate. I have gotten to the point, that I measure the weight of my food.. because I tried to just "eat til I am full" since I am JUST now eating FOOD again.. I over did it, and threw up dinner 3 nights in a row.. OK I get it, I GET IT.. I measure out up to 3 ounces of food, starting with of course protein... I find myself FULL, and not feeling deprived. I know my nutriionist tells me to take 30 minutes to eat.. that is not doable for me.. I find it easier to weigh it out and then eat JUST that amount.... trial and error. I am glad I am not the only one!!

Yesterday I had lunch with a friend at an Indian buffet.  The food was fantastic.  First, before we even went up to the buffet, we got a platter with six different appetizers on it.  Each one was small, but seriously, that alone could have been a full meal for me.  I tasted each appetizer but left some of each on on the plate.

Then we got bread.  I love bread.  I tore off a small piece and ate just that.  Left the rest.

By the time we actually got up to go to the buffet, I knew I wasn't going to eat much.  I took a small dessert plate - the other plates were HUGE, seriously I bet they were eight times larger than the dessert plates - and filled it about 3/4 full of eggplant curry.  And it was delicious. 

And that's all I ate.  The server kept asking me if everything was OK.  It was more than OK, I just knew if I ate any more my stomach would start to hurt and I'd start to feel nauseous and I wanted to feel good and enjoy the rest of the afternoon.

I paid $15 for the little bit of food that I ate, but that was OK, I wasn't just paying for the food, I was paying for the opportunity to spend some time with a good friend that I don't get to see very often.

My husband and I have visited a Mexican restaurant in our neighborhood every Friday for FOREVER!  I always got the same thing - 27 oz margarita and a plate of carnitas with beans and tortillas and veggies.  My surgery was 3 weeks ago and I am now on soft foods.  So we went to "our" restaurant.  I ordered a side of beans and that's it.  My husband got the carnita plate and gave me a piece of the carnitas.  I was CONVINCED I was going to feel deprived and depressed because I couldn't have a margarita and I couldn't eat as much as I used to.  I was also worried because I wanted my carnitas but I knew  I would feel guilty about being wasteful.  But you know what?  I had a great time as usual!  I ate the piece of carnitas (which tasted like complete heaven to me) and a few bites of beans and I was done.  Our server (we always have the same guy) seemed to think things were really weird because he always knows what to order for me and this was a big change.  But he didn't ask, my husband got to have what he wanted, and I got all I wanted too.  I learned that our trips to the restaurant are about the experience of being together and talking and not so much about eating until I felt like I was going to explode.  I now have a new outlook about that!

Jenny5807 wrote: "I learned that our trips to the restaurant are about the experience of being together and talking and not so much about eating until I felt like I was going to explode."

YES!!! This. This is the new normal for eating out. I can sit across from my hubby and we can talk without other distractions and enjoy each other's company. The food is just icing on the cake, so to speak.

When going out I usually split something with my hubby - more like I take a 1/4 of what is served. If we have varying tastes then we each order what we want and he finishes mine or I take the rest home. He's 6'2 and still weighs less than me by a couple of pounds so he could use a little extra food!  However, more often than not, I find that I usually just order a cup of soup (depending on the choice of soup) and I am more than satisfied. Sometimes I miss a good ol' chicken fried steak with starchy sides and gravy but I get over it pretty fast. Thank goodness!

Had a couple of glasses of wine and a tiny piece of pizza last night and I'm filled with guilt this morning, plus my head hurts from the wine. No mas!

You go, girl! My biggest issue after losing weight was how I looked at food. Commercials still get me going. (food porn, anybody?) I work around mine at restaurants by asking for a to-go box at the time they put the plate in front of me. Then I scoop off what I am not going to eat, close the box, and then focus on my plate. If I don't see it, I don't miss it. And in my mind, I know if I want some more, it's right there. I've never gone back to a buffet, mainly because I'm a cheapskate. A couple of times I've gone over to the Golden Corral at lunch and got a  to go box...they sell you food by weight. I go get a couple of things I want to have, spend about three bucks, and I'm a happy camper.

You are doing great!

We eat out all of the time. I really felt like I was going to be depressed when we went out knowing I wasn't going to be able to have anything I wanted. I worried I would be finished early and my husband and daughter would still be eating and I would feel like I was deprived.

I never brought my lunch to work before the surgery. I now plan my meals ahead of time and bring lunch to work everyday. When we go out to eat I eat about 1/3 of my meal and take the rest home. I get excited to know there are now two lunches I don't have to think about preparing. I also look at the plate after I finish eating and get a great sense of satisfaction knowing I would have eaten sooooo much more prior to surgery.

Pam, great job on eating just a bit and not overdoing it with all that yummy food!  So much of all our problems really go way back to when we were kids (for some of us) the "finish your plate there are starving kids in Africa you know", how many of us heard our Mom's say that.  So we did, and we ate it all and had dessert.  I have struggled and can relate to everything you wrote.  

Congrats on your success in seeing food differently now, that is fantastic how well you have done (all the head work is paying off obviously)!!  

Keep up the great work!!

Daisy

Such a great post, Pam and everyone. I can certainly identify. It has only been 6 weeks since my surgery but in a strange way I feel like I have a former life. I still crave foods but as time passes I obsess less about the foods I used to obsess about. Last night my husband and I went out and he ordered chicken wings----one of my old favorites. I tried a couple of bites but for some reason it just didn't taste as good as it used to. Hoping to get my head wrapped around changing my relationship with food as this journey continues. Trust me, I do not have a problem going to therapy if the need arises, either.