Off-Topic: Help me get married

Ah, thanks for the suggestion of a day-of coordinator.  Sounds very smart.

Yeah, there's lots of lovely things to do in Napa; perhaps we could organize a tour/wine-tasting thingy-bob?  Nice idea.  Or brunch!!

I haven't looked into yet, but I'm hoping to get the two of us a dinner at the world-famous French Laundry.  Very hard to get reservations though.

Is it easier to get French Laundry reservations for 3? ;) I'll ask around to see who could secure that for you...

Totes jealous. Come honeymoon in NYC. We have many a fab place to eat. You can stay w me. I'll give you my honeymoon suite/bedroom.

and yes! there is nothing better than brunch!! If you want, my friend has connections (a cousin?) to a Napa winery and she has offered to set me up on a tour and whatnot. I would love nothing but to try to do the same for you.

Sorry I don't know anything about weddings but....just wanted to say Congrats! You're a beautiful couple too!

Is it rude to ask/want an adult-only wedding?  

IMO, no, but I think this is also dependent on who you plan to invite.  If you have several close friends with children, it might be considered rude.  When I got married three years ago, none of the people I cared about coming to the wedding had children, so it was adults only.  The people who had an issue with it didn't come, which was fine because they were the extended family of my husband who even he is not close with.  I didn't want kids at my wedding, so I didn't have them.  I did, however, find a babysitter for people who had to travel with kids.

Do weddings have to be on the weekend?

I struggled with this since all of our family and friends live outside of the state we do.  One of my close friends told me that the people *****ally want to be there will be there no matter what.  That's a huge price difference, and if that's where you want to get married, then do it on a Thursday if that's works for you.

How far in advance do you have to do the save-the-date thingy?

Since I had 90% out of town guests, I sent them out 6 months in advance, but I made the date known to everyone when we booked the venue.  I think the norm is 4 months or thereabouts.

What do I need for a minimum, small wedding?

Nope. Weddings can be as extravagant or as simple as the people getting married want them.  Favors are overrated and most people either lose them or chuck them.  If you're getting married in Napa, your scenery will probably be beautiful enough that you won't need much in terms of decor.  You can ask the venue you like if they have any photos of other weddings and see if anything sparks your creativity or just go for simple & sweet. 

I'm sure I'm forgetting something, but a place, food/drink, some facilitator, photographer, music.  Any other must-haves?

I think the only must haves are the happy couple and the officiant.  Everything else is icing and subject to what you think is important.

Finally... what do people typically do?  I've only been to a few weddings.  It seems weird to have people fly in, attend a ceremony, and have nothing to do... should there be a reception?  When?  Some activities to do the following day?

If people are flying in, there should be a reception IMO, otherwise when would they eat this lovely food/drink you will be providing?  :)  The best photos are from the reception as well.  If people fly in the day before, you can keep it lose and maybe meet up somewhere for dinner/drinks.  I take it for a small wedding, you're probably not going to do a rehearsal dinner. 

 

This is a super long response and feel free to ignore me.  I've produced lots of different types of events, but your wedding should be YOUR wedding.  It's one of the few times in your life were you can be a total diva and demand to have everything you want.  I'm not saying to be an ass about it, but do what you and your partner want.  Don't make it be a financial burden because that puts too much stress on something that should be one of the most amazing days of your life.  If you start to get too many details and feel like you will be stressed on your wedding day, I highly, highly, highly recommend hiring someone to act as a Day of Coordinator.  They can handle everything so you can have fun & relax without worrying about any details.  Some venues will have a package with that built in. 

The good thing about Napa is that things to do are built in.  If you make a website, you could include some links to places to visit on it.

Oh, great idea!!

Napa beautiful enough to stay and play a couple of extra days, and also SF is so close that if they are flying in it is like a mini vacation as a bonus!  Go for the Thursday, that gives people the weekend to stay and play on their own and have their own fun time.  I'm brand new here, but thought I'd throw my 2 cents in for what it's worth.

Another great idea, thanks!

Hey!  Thanks so much very for your detailed advice... very helpful to me!  I love the idea of the compromise of having a babysitter available for those who must travel with kids.  Also, the advice of which day of the week is helpful.

Thanks for explaining that our focus should be on our needs and wants - I think I needed to hear that!  

You will probably need to be reminded a few times. I know I did. My wedding was exactly what I wanted and a really beautiful day. Congrats to you and your partner!