Off-Topic: Help me get married

Ok, so my partner and I are getting married:

Just to be clear - we're the two guys (the woman is my surgeon's nutritionist!)

So we want to get married with a ceremony this year, but we're also kind of socially lazy and don't want a big production and would just like things to magically happen.  Ugh.  I know nothing about setting up weddings or etiquetteinvolved.  Help me with some basics?

Is it rude to ask/want an adult-only wedding?  

I want people to be unencumbered from kids, and have the ability to relax and drink and party.

Do weddings have to be on the weekend?

We want to get married in late September to overlap the day we met.  The actual day would be a Thursday.  We're looking at this quaint little venue in Napa:

• On that Thursday, it would only be $1,500 for the site.  But people would have to take more days off work to fly-in (those who have to fly).
• On the Saturday, the fee increases to $5,000, but it would be easier for out-of-town people to fly in.

How far in advance do you have to do the save-the-date thingy?

What do I need for a minimum, small wedding?

I know I need a venue, food/drink, a facilitator to marry us, photographer, some kind of music - anything else??

I'm sure I'm forgetting something, but a place, food/drink, some facilitator, photographer, music.  Any other must-haves?

Finally... what do people typically do?  I've only been to a few weddings.  It seems weird to have people fly in, attend a ceremony, and have nothing to do... should there be a reception?  When?  Some activities to do the following day?

 

I appreciate any help ya'll can give me!!  Really, we just want something simple and low-key to share this moment with our friends and family.

Congrats :)

1.  I don't think it's rude at all to specify that you want an adult-only wedding. 

2.  Weddings do not have to be on the weekend necessarily.  A friend of mine just got married this last Tuesday for New Year's.  I know that's a holiday, but it's a day when most people have to work the next day, so there was undoubtedly still some time off involved for some who were there.

3.  Save the dates: I'd say about 3-4 months in advance, especially if you think you'll have people flying in.

4.  That's pretty much it on the  must-haves, other than tuxes :)

5.  The typical reception time is immediately following the ceremony.  If you have people coming in from out of town, you could do a breakfast or lunch the next day, but it's really not expected.

Thanks for your suggestions!  What normally happens during a reception?

You may want to go to websites like the knot for ideas, but it's really up to you this is the after party and is typically when the couple get to thank everyone for coming, enjoy the wedding cake and whatnot, and dance and have fun the kind of food is typically somewhat set by what time of day it takes place, as is how long it lasts. Night time receptions tend to involve more drinking and dancing, but also more food... afternoon events are usually less formal and less involved.

I have no idea about all this stuff because I believe the drive thru chapels in Vegas are the only way to really get married, but can I just say im super freaking excited for you!!!!!  Congrats!!!!

I'm not big on drive thru chapels, but I'm all for costumed Vegas weddings...what says romance like Elvis impersonators, afros and sequins ?? 

 

Congrats!!

Yup, if I ever get married it's Vegas and Elvis for me. The fat white-sequined-jumpsuit Elvis, thank you, very much. Would love a Marilyn Monroe impersonator to sing.

I'm in my fifties and have never married, if I'm going to do it it had better be camp. And the cost? Ouch!!

Thank you!!!

Am I going to see you at the Natomas May Day race again this year?  I'm going to go for a 10K!

Hell yeah...it'll be a little warm up for my 1/2 in June :)

YAY! Congrats!

First off, umm...it's your damn wedding so you can do whatever you want. So, that being said, pick whatever day works best for you and do it. I have a friend getting married in Napa and they are doing it on a Wednesday, most likely because like you said, it's much much cheaper. Those who wanna be there will make the effort to be. :)

and no, it isn't rude to ask or want an adult only wedding. You can offer or arrange for their to be some sort of sitter at the hotels if you have lots of guests that have children, but again, your wedding.

If you have lots of out of town guests and if you are doing a Thursday wedding, I'd get the Save the Date (even if it's just an email or something) out sooner rather than later. Let's people plan ahead.

I highly recommend a Day Of Coordinator. Your venue may offer one and the last thing you two wanna deal with is running around, setting things up on your actual wedding day.

For a small wedding, some food and drink is good. and that's the reception post ceremony? You could suggest wine tours for your guests. Arrange for a day after brunch?