Off-Topic: Help me get married

:) I sent my contact info in a PM.  Let me know if you don't get it and I can resend.  

~ Cara

Just to be clear - we're the two guys (the woman is my surgeon's nutritionist!)

So we want to get married with a ceremony this year, but we're also kind of socially lazy and don't want a big production and would just like things to magically happen.  Ugh.  I know nothing about setting up weddings or etiquetteinvolved.  Help me with some basics?

Is it rude to ask/want an adult-only wedding?  

I want people to be unencumbered from kids, and have the ability to relax and drink and party.

 

A:  This is absolutely OK.  I have attended many weddings that specified adults only. It does make it more fun.  Some people may choose not to attend, but I think most people understand and are OK with it.  In the end, this day is about you and your fiance.  Its OK for this to be about the two of you and what you want.

Do weddings have to be on the weekend?

We want to get married in late September to overlap the day we met.  The actual day would be a Thursday.  We're looking at this quaint little venue in Napa:

• On that Thursday, it would only be $1,500 for the site.  But people would have to take more days off work to fly-in (those who have to fly).
• On the Saturday, the fee increases to $5,000, but it would be easier for out-of-town people to fly in.

A.  I would do the Thursday wedding.  Better to have the additional 3500 for the honeymoon.  Maybe plan the Thursday for a three day weekend adjacent period to make it that much easier.

How far in advance do you have to do the save-the-date thingy?

A.  Six months is the norm.

What do I need for a minimum, small wedding?

I know I need a venue, food/drink, a facilitator to marry us, photographer, some kind of music - anything else??

A.  You need what you want.  This wedding is about you.  What you listed is the norm - but do you really want all of that?  I went to a pot-luck wedding once that was just really small and intimate and very charming.  It was just the brides and close friends and family celebrating their lives together.  There were several of us who got together to make the cakes for them.  It was like a big family thanksgiving and was probably the most loving ceremony I can recall ever going to.

I'm sure I'm forgetting something, but a place, food/drink, some facilitator, photographer, music.  Any other must-haves?

Finally... what do people typically do?  I've only been to a few weddings.  It seems weird to have people fly in, attend a ceremony, and have nothing to do... should there be a reception?  When?  Some activities to do the following day?

A.  I would definitely have the reception of some form.  Does it have to be a big "American Wedding" reception?  No.  But everyone wants to be able to hug and congratulate the new couple and help them celebrate.  Besides, its a great place to collect all of those envelopes with cash, LOL.  

I appreciate any help ya'll can give me!!  Really, we just want something simple and low-key to share this moment with our friends and family.

Thanks for the great advice!

I know nothing about planning weddings, but you make such a handsome couple, and I wanted to send my congrats and best wishes for a wonderful wedding day. :-)

I haven't read all the responses. I hate weddings so I got married by a friend of the family (notarys in SC can marry people LOL) at my grandmother's house. I told the family since they wanted that (I was going to go to the JP), they had to plan it so. So yeah. LOL

I did want to say that adult-only... I have kids. Mine are older so it's different but when they are smaller it's more difficult. If you are expecting people to come in from out of town and have people with kids, I think you need to find a reliable sitter service to either have the kids somewhere else on the property or to at least have to refer to the parents. I LOVE adult-only weddings, kids can be a mess and take away some of the fun, but if it's out of town, finding a place for them was always difficult. When my kids were really little, they had a few teenagers watch them at the hotel we were staying at. That was nice and we each chipped in $20 per kid (so the teenagers loved us even though we dragged ass in at 2am LOL)

And major congrats! xoxo