Guilt...

Did anyone have a huge feeling of guilt right before surgery? I am having terrible feelings of being a failure to have gained so much weight that I now need surgery….. To top it off I am a self-pay patient and am impeding my family’s financial security. I have been so excited until today…the day before surgery.

I wouldn't call it guilt but I did worry a lot.  I was a band "failure" and I struggled with how people perceived me like "didn't she have weight loss surgery?  Why is she still fat?" etc etc.  I am still scared of failure but so far I've been quite successful and I'm already down 50lbs from surgery.  I'm a "light weight" so I'm happy with my weight loss thus far.  I don't know what the future holds but I do know that my diet has significantly changed and I'm more adapted to living a healthy lifestyle.  Hang in there, it'll be ok.  You are making a tough decision to have surgery but just be sure that you are ready and committed to living this new life and you won't fail!

No, I had no guilt, fear and anxiety, well that's another story.  What is there to feel guilty about?  You are choosing life and health over eventual disease and poor quality of life for you and those around you. You are choosing to fix what is broken and all the research tells us that this is a great choice.  If you mean that you are guilty for having gained all this weight in the first place, well, there is nothing you can do about that now.  All you can do is going forward make the best choices you possibly can, that's all any of us can do.  You are doing just that tomorrow.  In my opinion, you are heroic.

What they said.  :)

I did feel bad. I felt bad because my husband had to take off a month of work to take care of our kids. The youngest is almost 2, so there would be a lot of lifting he had to do for me.

As far as your family's financial security, DON'T think about that. Did you think about the money you had blown on crap food or snacks? If you added it all up, I bet it would be astounding. (At least it was in our family. I DID add it up. We spent about $200 a month on junk.) Think of the money doing something GOOD for your family. It's giving you another chance. It's giving you a wonderful tool to meet your goals and to give yourself, and your family, many more years to enjoy.

Think of the money you are going to save on food, and co-pays from when your fat problems really catch up with you. A new CPAP machine is between $400 and $1200. How much are co-pays over years of being a diabetic?

Guilt, no. The fact is you are a failure at losing weight on your own but you are successful at seeking out a new tool that has a much higher success rate than will power alone. You are not taking away from your family you are giving to them. You are making sure you are healthy and will be active and someone who can do things with them for a long time to come.

My surgery is tomorrow and I feel a bit like you, I can't believe I'm doing it and that I even need to do it.  I'm also self pay so feel bad about that too.  We're paying for some and I'm borrowing the rest from my parents.  I hate owing people money. 

 

We'll get through it and be so happy after.  I think it's normal to have nerves the day before, at least that's what I tell myself. 

Thank you sooo much for all the positive replies!

It oddly enough helps.....I have never posted private issues before (anywhere) and was unsure of what to expect. This is really nice. I may have to add OH as a new "tool" in my weight loss journey.

I just thought of something else I wanted to add.  I was self-pay too and honestly, this was the very best thing I could have done with my family's money.  My husband said, "It's the best ROI-return on investment, he could ever have gotten".  Just take a look at my before and after pictures and you will see why he might feel that way.  :)

I was an emotional mess right before surgery. More self loathing than anything. Thoughts of how on earth did I let it get this bad. I started wondering what my husband could possibly think of me. You know what.... He loves me fat or skinny. I think it's part nerves part hormones. You just have to accept where you are and that you are doing what YOU need to do to make it better. Everyone struggles with something. We struggle with food. Get through the surgery and you will feel a lot better. Good luck!!