10 months out - what's changed, my doctor's appt, and 1 photo of my "goal"...
So, I'm a little over 10 months out. I lost 6 pounds my 10th month out from surgery. My weight loss has been slowing down, and I had kind of a rough couple weeks with stress and stomach issues that led me to some changes. I'd been following a very strict 600-650 calories, less than 20g carbs, 90-100g of protein for months while increasing the intensity of my exercise starting around 5 months out when I thought my loss was slowing. It worked wonderfully until I got to about 9 months and 143 poundsish, and I was hungry and moody and tired and really struggling to lose any weight. Work has been very stressful. Life in general is just stressful. My body started to rebel and I started having panic attacks and terrible stomach cramping/nausea. I also haven't had a period in over two months, when I have always been clockwork regular. So, I did a check in with myself and realized that something needed to give, so I "loosened" up my diet bc I was spending every day completely obsessed with everything I put into my mouth (in a bad way, I think eating mindfully is a good thing), exhausted, hungry, my workouts were suffering, and I was feeling miserable. I feel like I'm confessing to all of you - this loosening is basically allowing some fruit, more calories (I try to get in about 800-900 on workout days), and I'm not obsessing about my carb count (it's been around 40g bc I feel better, more energetic, more satisfied on a lower carb diet). I also discovered that I like this weight. I'm still planning on losing a couple more pounds and I'm still actually losing at the same slow rate I was, but I'm more focused on changing my body composition. I don't actually want to be skinnier, I just want to be leaner. I'm not sure how to explain that. The four pounds left to go to my "goal" aren't going to change what I look like in any real way, and I'm pretty sure that 137-138 is where I would like the high end of my comfy zone to be. What this really comes down to is what I've learned in 10 months - I can trust myself (to a certain extent). Of course not all of the exhaustion & stress were from my diet since it had been working wonderfully for me for months, BUT some of it is attributable to just needing more calories or simply needing to not feel so obsessed every minute about food (double-edged sword). I can eat a little bit of sweet potatoes with my grilled chicken, some sliced strawberries with my plain Greek yogurt, half of a beautiful nectarine, log it, and be fine. This may sound stupid to some of you, but I've been so fearful to change anything that even this little bit of trust in myself to make good, healthy decisions - to eat when I know I'm hungry (not bored, in need of comfort, lonely, but legitimately hungry) - has made a world of difference in my emotional well being the past couple weeks. A big thank you goes to Summer & Mimi for supporting me and letting me know that this is OK bc I was really freaking out. I'm not really doing maintenance, but I am experimenting with what it is going to look like for me.
Soooo, my doctor is still really thrilled with me. He always makes me feel really proud of myself, even though I always psych myself out before the appointments. I'm still working on accepting my new body. I still wake up in the morning and get surprised when I see myself in the mirror. I wash my clothes, and I think there's absolutely no way I can wear that even though I had to have worn it for it to be in the wash. It's weird the things our minds do to us. I constantly think I can't do certain things in kickboxing (mainly rolling around like a freakin acrobat) and then I do it. Or thinking that I can't run bc I've always sucked at it, and then running for almost 30 minutes and feeling awesome. There are these moments where I truly think, "Who the **** am I?" And then I take a deep breath bc I know without a doubt that I am just me, same person I've always been just happier, stronger, healthier, but I'll always have the little girl inside who wants to be comforted with cake & ice cream, who feels like an outsider, who is very sensitive but masks it with a take charge, tough outer shell. Yup, just me and always working on being the best me I can be.
For the fun stuff - my fave NSV this month was finally buying my goal jeans. I've never owned a pair of really nice jeans, and I don't actually own any jeans that fit (not that I really need them in Austin in August, but well, whatever). I tried on basically every single pair of skinny jeans at Nordstrom, and I decided on these Paige skinnies. In a size 27. Yes, you read that correct, a size 27 which is the equivalent of a 4. And every pair of jeans except for one pair that fit me was an equivalent size 4. So, yes, I'm happy at this size. I didn't even think this was possible. The issues I have left are skin & wanting more defined arms :) Size 4?! Craziness. This is a photo of WHY I bought these jeans. I have no butt (it's actually a family joke), but these make me look like I have a little bit of a butt. Enough booty. It's sort of cute, right? LOL. Please excuse the no makeup, messy hair and bad lighting
Its time for you to up your calorie and carb in take. The amount you are working out you need more nutrition than you are getting. Any extra carbs you add (you could easily add 20) make sure to eat with protein after a workout. You will end up with leaner tighter muscles and lose whatever fat you have left. Also, as I always preach to women, more healthy fats. I just picked up some Hemp seed which you can sprinkle on salads and other foods, maybe even in your yogurt, I will let you know after I taste them. 5g of carbs, 10grams of healthy Omega-3 and Omega-6 fats, and 10 grams of protein in a small sprinkle. Also if you are eating fat free yogurt, try switching to 2%. I promise once you get more healthy fats in your diet, your period will come back.
You look fantastic! I'd certainly follow you down the street! (in a non-creepy way of course)
I'm totally into fats :) I've been having mad cravings for avocado and peanut butter, so I've incorporated more of those types of things into my diet. I eat 2% Fage with some sliced berries or a part of a nectarine...so yummy. I really want to get hemp seeds. I've read so many good things about them. Maybe I can sprinkle them on yogurt with my berries. I need to get better about my post workout meals now that I'm lifting heavier and doing a ton more body weight exercises. Thank you for your advise! It's always appreciated!
And random thing, I'm not freezing cold anymore but my BP and heart rate are super low. I told the nurse that I was 30% corpse today when my BP was 105/58. I think all the exercise is boosting my metabolism bc I am sweating like a fiend in my workouts. Maybe it's the gallon + water I drink. Who knows. Just interesting :)
You are such and inspiration! Your jeans look adorable and you look too cute for words. I am so happy for you and I think that you really needed to increase your calories for your workout and your sanity as you got further out. After a certain point, 600 calories is just to hard to do. Good for your for listening to your body while still staying in the right mind set. My butt looked pretty flat after I lost weight, but you know what?....The fat has redistributed, and I look much better now. It took about a full year for all the fat to redistribute. I bet you will really like the way you look even more in another year.
Thank you so much! That means a lot. It was an anxiety-ridden choice, but once I started trying to really trust my body, I stopped feeling so stressed and the nausea and panic attacks went away. Go figure :) I'm waiting until next summer for plastics bc summer is easier for me, but also from what you've said. I want to see what happens once I've maintained for awhile. You're awesome! Your feedback and support and encouragement have been so invaluable to me on this journey.
