4 1/2 years out--is this how all regain starts?

Ok to be fair y'all, my scale is all of 3.5lbs. up from the low that I normally maintain.  With the exception of like the day after Thanksgiving, all my clothes still fit fine, some days better than others.  But up is definitely opposite of the direction of the way I wanted to go.

Whenever I see posts from my comrades who had surgery 4-6 years ago, almost all of them have a common thread:  regain.  

I guess I was never really prepared to be successful at this longterm.  Yes it's a tool and blah blah blah.  But I could barely eat anything those first few months and even that first year!  Losing weight and buying new clothes was exciting and fun entertainment all of its own.  But then life slowly returns to normal.  And there's some beauty to that.  And also a lot of responsibility.  Your restriction becomes a little more lax, you start to realize maybe you can have that forbidden fruit.  

Anyway, that's the point where I am.  I lived my whole life being hungry, fat, and on a diet.  My life was a rollercoaster of dieting followed by poor eating to "store up" for the dark days ahead when I'd be on another starvation diet again.  To this day, dieting wreaks havoc on my eating styles.  Any attempt to forgo my usually eating sets me back more than it puts me ahead.  (For example, if I tell myself I need to cut out vending machine food and candy, the single twix is replaced by a couple of poptarts and a bag of 100 calorie cookies--not exactly a good response).  And to this day I still fear hunger like the plague.  I hated it before WLS because it was unmanageable.  And for the past 4.5 years I have existed, happily, without it.  I now come to the sad realization that, especially if I am to keep eating more caloric foods, I will have to learn to be okay with being hungry.  Just a little bit.  And it's manageable now.

I just don't know how to correct course.  No, no, I'm not going to do a 5 day pouch test or go back to liquid shakes.  I'm not even going to go back to low carb.  Because that's unsustainable for me.  I'm talking about how do I do that thing that's much MUCH harder.  That I never was able to do when I was obese, and have not yet had to do when I'm 4.5 years out?  How do I live in a world of leftover Thanksgiving pie and treadmills collecting dust?  How do I maintain weight (or better yet, take off another 10), and even (gasp) enjoy food too?  I know it's possible.  I just haven't learned how.

All great questions. As time progresses post op, it just becomes reality. I can go off the rails on the drop of a dime. I know that about myself.

I may not like diet, but I hated being 110 pounds heavier even more.  I've logged every bite, every mile walk, every Pilates class since surgery.  My surgeon told me to make friends with 1000 calories and quit feeling sorry for myself.  So those calories have to count.

I go to WW every week to stay accountable.  I know, it can be seen as obsessive. But I look at other slim 64 year old women and they eat moderately and exercise.  Ok, I can hang with that. I've been on a diet since I was 7.  

Size 6-8 skinny jeans beat the 22/24 I wore pre-op.  Wearing a bikini on Zanzibar in September, priceless.

We can do this. Regain isn't the only road. The holidays can make us all nuts!

Well said, Lee. No way I'm going back to being obese either. I will do what it takes to stay here and be thankful for the tool that makes it possible.

The only thing we can do is live our best each day. We're all sure it will never happen to us.  It can and does happen to lots of people.

Let's just try to be honest with ourselves, one day at a time.  Be kind to others and lend a helping hand when it's requested.  

We are lucky to have a choice about what we feed ourselves.

I am living by what Lee said. I am only just over two years out and the honeymoon period is but a distant memory. I could eat all the wrong things and in lethal quantities. 

What is not a distant memory however is the feeling of a distorted body unable to move and live. I don't want to slide back into that so while its not easy to pass on the chips, and sometimes I don't, I still feel very much on track in my head. I would pull back on liberal eating for a few days if I were up 3.5 lbs. My red zone is 2 lbs for now until I can trust my choices more.

A daily rendez vous with my scale is my best tool these days. There is no looking away.

I also think that once we get over looking for magic, (coz there is none) we accept what we have to do and especially not do and how our bodies react, we make better life choices in the food department. 

Yup, and we just pray we don't wake up face first in the food!  :)

Nice to see you!

Nice to see you too! I miss the bunch of folks who were around a lot more when ai had my surgery. 

what you wrote touched my heart and was very poetic....good luck figuring it out!

I have watched you find success your own way the whole way through.  You know your body best and you know what works best for you.  I would tell you that 3.5 pounds is not much and that you might just be experiencing a little holiday water weight.....but..... I would cut back.  You don;t need to go cold turkey so to speak...but a little turkey never hurt.  :)  Ever consider adding in good foods rather than taking things out?  What I mean is, what about concentrating on eating more protein rather than on limiting everything else.  It's just another little mind game... but it works for me.  Find what works for you, this far out, we all need it or regain really does crash the party.  Good luck and I know you will find the right way for you.

Wow- thank you!  Just what I needed to be reminded of-  adding in instead of taking away!  Such a simple concept, but I know it works. 

Jeanne