Loss of Friends
I handle those situtions like Gwen said "Move on with life, form new friendships, and accept that this friend wasn't meant to be for you"
Things change and this is one of those changes. When you look back on this you will understand that losing her friendship opened a door for you to find new friendships.
Real life begins where your comfort zone ends
Consider it from her POV. If someone spends ALL his/her time talking about something that you don't/won't participate in, why would you want to spend time with them?
Say, for example, that I have a friend who's really into tropical fish. Fish are great, though I'm not terribly interested in them, but I'm glad the hobby makes her happy. Problem is, she talks about it ALL the time. And there's only so much smiling and nodding and interest-feigning I can do before I get really frustrated and start avoiding her. I'd love to hang out with her, but all she does is talk about fish and I just don't care.
This happens fairly often in the WLS community, it seems, for better or for worse. Is she still getting anything out of the relationship? If not, I don't think it's at all unfair for her to step back.
Sparklekitty / Julie / Nerdy Little Secret (#42)
Roller derby - cycling - triathlon
VSG 2013, RNY conversion 2019 due to GERD. Trendweight here!
The thing is I DON'T talk about my surgery OR my weight loss. In fact, I've been so used to avoiding conversations about my weight my whole life that I NEVER bring the subject up. Not even with my family who is very supportive. When anyone says anything about how much smaller I am or makes any other kind of comment, I tend to shrug off the compliment and not make a big deal out of it.
Age: 42 | Height: 5'9 | Surgery Date: 10/08/15 | Starting Weight: 279.2 | Surgery Weight: 266 | Goal Weight:165 | Current Weight: 224.8 | WL so far: 54.4 lbs
I'm sad and just need to get this out...
When I started my journey (beginning with research) a very good friend of mine was also interested in weight loss surgery so we went to various seminars together. We talked about how great it would be to get surgery at the same time so we could struggle together. Even laughed about the possibility of a 2 for 1. This friend and I were close and grew closer together during the research part of all this.
I had been on this forum for awhile before my surgery and had heard from the veterans about how relationships may change as I lose weight. I expressed this concern to this friend and even recall saying to her specifically, "if anyone I consider a friend now is any less than supportive, I guess they weren't really a friend and I should be happy they displayed their true colors." She whole-heartedly agreed and reassured me that she didn't think people would do that and even said she would always be supportive.
I had my surgery in October. She has not moved forward with her surgery. Since my surgery our friendship has diminished. We no longer do things together and I am excluded from gatherings she organizes unless it involves fund raising. I was really hurt on New Year's Day when she posted an anime on Facebook that said, "I have no idea where I would be...what I would do...or how I could possibly live...without those crazy people I call my friends" then wrote, "Happy New Year to each one of you!!" and tagged 12 friends some of whom I know she rarely even speaks to. Guess who wasn't included? Yep...me and it hurts.
I understand that success is difficult for some people to handle and support even harder but I've seen this person support others in different efforts. I am struggling to figure out why I'm not worthy of her support and friendship?
I have already decided to move on and forget about a friendship with her because obviously, she wasn't a real friend but it still hurts. We have the same circle of friends so I still have to hear about all the fun stuff going on that I am now excluded from. That continues to hurt and I wi**** didn't. 
I, in no way regret my decision to have surgery and better myself, I only wish she would have really been by my side.
Has this happened to you? How do I just move forward and let this go?
one reason is because you are moving on and you are going to lose weight and look fabulous and be more healthy. She is just going to still be fat and she knows it and she can't be with you because you are now making her look bad in more ways than one.
Before I read the words you wrote I was thinking your friend showed her "true colors."
The fact is when people go through life changing events, whether it is WLS or not, we typically find out who the people are in our lives and what they're made of. For example, I have a friend *****cently got breast cancer. She had been married for about two years to a seemingly nice guy. Both are professionals and my friend is attractive and loyal. He left her while she was in the middle of chemotherapy (and not for another woman). Obviously he didn't obey the vowel "in sickness and in health."
I cannot fathom why people are so threatened by someone losing weight and wanting to become healthy and more importantly to live a longer life.
I know it hurts but I think your friend is who she is and she may never change so if it would not be this ruining your friendship, it would likely be something else.
I lost my best friend of 20 plus years a few years ago because she has a boyfriend. I cherish the time we spent together and I love her but this is the choice she made. Yes, I am hurt but I've moved on.
Hang in there! Unfortunately there are people out there who can't be happy for others. Please know this is their issue and not yours. You took your health serious and did something wonderful. I know for me it's hard to let people and friendships go, however if its toxic than what is the point? You deserve to have supportive friends in your life!
Age: 40 Height: 5'8" Highest Weight: 325 Starting Weight: 291 Current Weight: 166 Goal Weight: 160
VSG 10/24/14 with Dr. David Chengelis
Sorry that you have encountered this. On an objective side, perhaps being you went through with it and she hasn't. There is some resentment or bitterness she has. I would suggest trying to talk to her, explain what you are feeling and why and encourage that she could still pursue the surgery and that you would be right there with her for it. If she blows it off and continues acting the way she is, then at least you can part company on the moral high ground and at least that you will know you tried. Good luck to you.
Maybe she is embarrassed because she hasn't moved forward and she doesn't want to disrupt your progress. You won't know the real answer until you call her. But, I suggest meeting her in person. Express your feelings and then take her response as to how you move forward...as friends or not. Maybe she just wasn't truly ready and thought you would be upset with her. Talk to her. I wish you well.
