Loss of Friends

Suzy,

I'm sorry that your friend has been distant with you.  But I honestly think this is about her insecurities, and not about you.  For one minute put yourself in her shoes.  She didn't take the leap of faith you did, she lacked the courage to move forward with WLS. Was it fear? Financial?  I believe she looks at you and can only see her own shortcomings.  You are the success story, she sadly, is not.  I'm positive that every time she looks at how well you are doing she feels like a big fat failure.

All of this has very little to do with you unfortunately... She has distanced herself from you, due to her own perceived inadequacies.

 It's no surprise to me that she has not been able to continue to provide support.  Although, not receiving the New Year's greeting sounds intentionally hurtful.   I wonder if she feels judged by you?  Are you judging her?  Just asking.  Sometimes we get so caught up in our goals and achievements.  The success can go to our heads.  I'm not saying this is your situation, but maybe reflect back over the last few months, do you think that you could be? 

That being said, you should be proud of your accomplishments and not have to tone down your enthusiasm for anyone.  Except.  She is your friend.  And she is clearly struggling.  Remember how that feels?  To always fail at weight loss and to be too discouraged to try again as you reach for the bag of cookies.. I sure do.  

In my opinion you should confront her behavior, either in person, or if you are like me via email (I get emotional with face to face confrontations and never seem to say what I want to say).  Try to convey how she is making you feel, but also try to understand where she is coming from.  She may be able to understand that she needs to step up her game if she wants your friendship to continue.  Or she may be unable to be that strong.  In either case hopefully you can move on.  

Thank you for your thoughtful insight.  You have given me a lot to think about.  

It sounds like a painful but understandable split. When you have grown so close doing a common thing, it is not unusual if one moves forward with what you were doing and the other doesn't, that you grow apart. It's human nature. If you are not relatable anymore because you moved in a different direction, it can also cause the green monster to pop up because you are actually doing what she wanted to do as well, but maybe did not have the courage to do. That can cause resentment, which is really unfair to you, but again, human nature.

I would not confront her. I would simply write a letter to her that provides closure for you. You don't need the other person to find that closure. Simply tell her you love her and miss her. Tell her you are unsure as to why she seems to be shutting you out, and that it hurts you but you respect her decision on that. Thank her for all the wonderful times you spent together. And of she ever decides she wants to talk to you, your door will always be open. 

Mail it to her, close the door, realize her behavior is not about anything you did, but about her own personal issues, and move on.

Big hugs, I know this is not easy

xxx

Judith

Thank you for the consoling me and the advice.  I really appreciate it.