In complete misery in my body~~scared of surg

Hello, my name is Kim, I haven't been to this website in quite a while.  I am really struggling with making the decision whether to have the surgery or not.  I know in my heart I want to ~ I am realllllly suffering and struggling at my current weight of 390.  It's days like today I don't even want to LIVE, sorry to say. It's so hard -  it's Christmastime, everyone around me is so happy and I'm miserable as heck because of how I feel in this body.  I am 41 years old on Dec. 25th (yes, Christmas is my birthday.) I should have done this sooner, but, I am SO darned afraid to have surgery: anesthesia, IVC filter they most likely will have to put in to avoid clotting, and the procedure itself.  How did all of you get past the fear, if you had it. My therapist says I just have to face it - I'll have the fear right up to the point of the surgery and have to make myself just DO it.  I am so afraid of pain, but, ironically am living in so much pain right now anyway.  I have always been a bit if a "baby" when it comes to pain, never had kids or surgery b4.  Hope it was ok to post this here as I am looking into the VSG surg. THANKS!!

Hi Kim

I too am struggling with the decision. I had lapband and it didn't give me the results I wanted however my fear is the fear that this surgery wont either. I have been a yoyo dieter for so long I loose and gain the same 60-80 lbs. I currently weigh 280lbs and I guess what has helped me actually make my decision is I know if I  have the sleeve in a year from now my weight will be up another 40..... I guess you have to look at you alternatives and I read a good book once that has helped me with fear its  "Feel the fear and do it anyways"  and that what Im going to do

Good luck in your decision. 

Wow.  I can so relate to your situation.  I was 388 pounds when I weighed in to start the weight loss/surgery process.  I was 63 years old, and I had avoided the surgery, living with the growing immobility and medical issues for all those years.  I got to the point where I could see that my life was going to be a downward spiral of less and less mobility,  more and more problems, ending in an early death.  I had to hit bottom before I was willing to take the chance on the surgery.

But at that point, I didn't feel like I had a viable choice.  I'd rather take a chance on the surgery than watch my life diminish.  So I did it.

I have to tell you, the surgery was such a non-event.  I talked to the surgeon and anesthesiologist and got as much re-assurance as I could.  I got anti-nausea meds so I didn't have nausea (highly recommended).  I had very little pain from the surgery or the gas that often bothers people. I felt like I had the flu for about 3 days - tired achy, nasty head-ache.  But it passed.  It really wasn't bad at all.

The harder part was getting accustomed to my new tummy.  It really wasn't fun but it was always manageable.  I just don't want to give you the impression it was easy - it wasn't. 

I would have been happy just to be under 300 pounds again.  I never imagined I'd get below 200 pounds.  Other people would post about one-derland, and I'd think "that'll never be me." 

But here I am.  I now weight 165 pounds.    I made it to my goal weight in 18 months.  I've been maintaining near goal for about 2 years.  I can fit into an airplane seat.  I've been traveling a lot - something I didn't do when I was heavy - and I can take the strenuous tours and keep up with the best of them.  I climbed the stairs at the Parthenon without being out of breath!  I no longer need my c-pap, the pain in my back and knees is gone.  Its amazing.

Its not automatic - you have to really commit to the process and follow the rules.  When I first started the process, I called a friend/acquaintance who had surgery 5 years before me, and had encouraged me to do the same.  I thought she'd be so happy that I decided to go ahead.  But when I talked to her, she told me that she had gained all the weight back again.  I asked why, and she told me she didn't follow the rules.  That day, I decided if I was going to do something as extreme as removing most of my stomach, I darn-well was going to follow the rules.  I was the most complaint patient you can imagine.  But it worked.  If you follow the rules, it does work.

So knowing what I know - I'd highly recommend having the surgery.  There are good pain meds available and surgery is much safer these days than when we were young.  You deserve better than being 390 pounds and diminished quality of life.  You can do this!

best wishes,

Carol

It may sound weird, but denial goes a long way!

Ok, I know that it sounds weird.  But just don't think about the actual surgery day.  It's only hard on that day, and it goes by sooooo fast!  Pretend your going to the dentist, the dr, whatever!  Just go through the motions on surgery day and don't think about the actual surgery.  I was scared out of my brains about surgery.  

I hate hospitals with a passion so much so that I had all three of my babies at home.  If I can do it, anybody can do it!!!!

Don't let fear get in your way.  Don't think about actual surgery.  The surgery is only a little bitty bit of your journey.  And if that is not enough, think about all of the pain you will prevent by the surgery :) .

Hi I'm only three months post surgery.  I'm going to be very blunt, because that is what it takes.( for me anyway) I must say that even as they strapped me down on the surgery table I had this massive desire to RUN!

I think that is normal.

What helped me before surgery to decide was - what is the alternative. I decided I had tried everything I could and that this surgery was what I needed. It was all that was left. I did a ton of research and realized I was killing myself slowly each and every day and that things were going to get worse. I realized I would  die young if I didn't do something soon. That is the honest truth. Obesity Kills!

Then I looked carefully at the people I love and who love me. I realized I was not just causing myself damage by eating as I was I was causing them damage by risking not being here as long as I possibly could.  It felt selfish, and self indulgent and I made the decision to live as long and as healthy as I could for everyone including me. I made a list of all the wonderful things life still has to offer me, in short the things I could miss . I made a list of all the things I was missing because I was so large I could not move or because pain prevented me.

Then I just decided to do it and even though I was frightened and worried and at times overwhelmed I just decided not to doubt things would be better after.

I don't regret my decision at all. I fight constantly to not eat the cookie or burger that calls my name here  and there and I know I will spend my life fighting those cravings but if I'm fighting I'm still alive. I'm actually having my hip replaced at the end of January and that surgery also makes me want to RUN. but..... what is the alternative???

I know this sounds a bit bleak but this is the truth for me.

Your fear, is true and real but the surgery is just a moment in your life. The pain from the surgery is just a moment in your life.

I wish you well. I wish you a long and healthy life.

Sorry also just wanted to add that there is nothing else that will follow you for 5 year and tailor your nutritional needs to your own actual blood work . I looked . That's the other reason I said I'm doing it . 

For me, once I made the choice it was the easiest thing in the world.  I had had enough of my weight and I knew it was time to act.  So I went full speed ahead and made it happen.  I'd had surgeries before.  I knew that, for me, surgery was the easy part.  You get to sleep through the whole thing!  Recovery is challenging, but I knew, from stories here, that it was completely do-able.  I knew I'd have pain management and I also knew the importance of pain management.  

The best advice I can give about pain is that it's not necessary.  You don't need to be "strong" and suffer through it.  It actually delays your body's capacity to heal.  If you keep on top of pain management, you'll be FINE.  

All this said, perhaps you're not ready for surgery yet - which is okay.  If you're not sure it's right for you, you shouldn't do it.  

The decision to have (or not have) surgery can only come from you, after you've made an honest assessment of your situation and goals.

My significant other had R-n-Y surgery four years ago, and I was able to see how the process worked.

I took a very long time to come to the conclusion that surgery was the right thing for me.  One thought I had was that I shouldn't have to change my body for other people to be able to respect me.  Of course, I would also like peace on earth and free ice cream for all, but I'm not holding my breath.  :)

On other side of the coin, I was tired of feeling lousy all the time.  This summer, I had trouble getting up over the dune at the beach.  Someone actually stopped and asked if I needed medical help. I caught a glimpse of myself naked in the hotel bathroom mirror, and I didn't recognize myself. 

(Hotel mirrors are HARSH! ) 

My weight was causing me health problems. Hernias, angry liver, gastrointestinal issues. My gall bladder is 'iffy', my knees were crying for mercy.  On a consult about fixing my newest hernia, (yuck!) the doctor told me flat out that as long as I have extra weight in the abdomen, it's going to contribute to hernias.  Liposuction and surgery (like a tummy tuck) weren't options because there's too much extra weight.  So on that day, I asked what my options were. Based on my stats, he recommended that I look into the sleeve. I left with a very detailed guide to read.

I finally decided that it wasn't about OTHER PEOPLE and what they think of me. This had to be about ME, and my health, and feeling better.  It was being able to walk around and not be winded. It was me, making a decision from now on that I was going to take damn good care of myself, and make that a priority in my life.  Diets weren't working. Exercise was painful. I would lose, and then gain even more back (because my set point would reset).

It was time to take care of me. This was the tool I needed that was significantly more powerful than anything else I've ever had available. The success of this undertaking relies solely on ME.

I am NOT a fan of pain. I hate surgery. I want to have as little of it in the future as possible.  I tell the anesthesia folks that I have a low tolerance for pain, and tend to have nausea/vomiting afterwards, and they handle it. I was in the Recovery Room for two hours and remember less than five minutes of it.  THAT's good anesthesia!

The week before surgery, I had to go out and buy myself a pair of pants, because I didn't own ANY that fit. There was ONE pair that fit me.  Knowing that I wouldn't have that problem ever again was very motivating.

Sure, I was nervous on the day of surgery. Who wouldn't be? They can give you something in your IV to help you stay calm. An hour or so later? Sleeved!

There comes a point where you realize "This is what I have to do to get where I want to be.'  It's OK if you're not ready yet.

I came to realize for myself that my weight related health issues were more of a threat to my life than the surgery was. I just did everything I was supposed to do, said my prayers, and put it in God's hands. 

I was so scared too! This was my first surgery ever!!! I just knew that I would be one of those people that got a clot. Medicine and this surgery had advanced so much since I looked into it years ago. When I made up my mind I felt a sense of relief. The day of surgery I was calm and not nervous. Relax, the Doctors will take care of you. This was the best decision I've made for myself and my health. You should not live feeling the way you do anymore! Just think of all the complications and possible surgeries you will probably end up having because you are MO!