Sad News

Mar 12, 2009

I got some really sad news yesterday. We went for our first prenatal appt and ultrasound. We got the horrible news that there was no heartbeat. I would have been 9 weeks Friday and it looks like 2 weeks ago from the ultrasound the baby stopped growing. I'm so sad. In some ways, did i know this was going to happen or did I have so much anxiety and it would be the same either way.  I go back today to have another one to make 100% sure but if it is the same result then I'll have to have a DNC Friday. So much is going through my mind now and I never knew it could hurt this bad. I want to blame something someone. So many emotions...I don't know how to process this yet. I have a 3 year old and I find myself so short tempered. I don't want to talk to anyone that why I feel that I may reach out to see if anyone here has gone through this before. I wondered if it would be different if I didn't have to have a DNC and happened naturally sooner. I am 37 and how much longer do we want to try if we can every try again? i ask myself how many years between my first do I want. I know this is God's will but why do I don't feel any better?  my husband is really sad too. How does healing begin? We were so happy about the pregnancy but I was very worried the whole time.  Did I somehow know this was going to happen or did I just feel it was too good to be true.

How do even be intimate again to try knowing you risk this again? Dr. says it is more common that we think and every preg has a 25% chance of m/c. Do I call it a m/c since i have to have a DNC? Do we have a funeral/memorial service since it was life?   I thought that this baby and my first were pushing it being so far apart. I wondered if theyd be close tta far apart. now it would even be further. Do I want to do this all over again (stay home, part time, day care vs not) right when my oldest is going to school. We'll be like 55 or more if we have another.   See all this goes through my mind. Do we want to try this again. So much harder than I ever thought it would be.

I guess I can finally go have another fill and look if everything is okay like I've needed for awhile now.  Got to go to dr. now.

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