So Much Has Changed!!

Mar 22, 2009

Okay....so I still look at myself as completely, morbidly obese.  I have a tendency to pass by mirrors when I'm out shopping because for some, unknown reason, I like seeing myself pass by them.  I have bought a mirror which hangs on the back of my bedroom door and I don't look like the person that I feel like in the mirror....but I know it's me.

My knees are still very, very bad.  I know I need to contact someone about a total knee replacement....but I refuse.  I love working in my garden and getting down on the floor and I refuse to give that up just because my knee keeps popping out of joint.  Sure, it hurts.....sure, it's a nuisance...but I am going to wait it out a few years and see where it goes!!  My son got me a bicycle that I am anxious to ride.  Sure....I have heard that a bike is the worst thing I could do for my knees....but I still need some exericse and I used to love to ride!!

I have lost over 180# so far.  I am into a size 16-18...which is absolutely miraculous!!  PROBLEM:  My husband doesn't seem the least bit interested in me.  This is not something that has come on gradually since my surgery....this is something that has grown for years.  I am tired of it.....I think I have pretty well let him know....and I am filing for a divorce.  This is my 3rd marriage....so this is nothing I haven't been through before....but I still care for him...which makes it a little harder.  Unfortunately, when you get to be my age (49)...you have a tendency to realize what's going to last and what isn't and quite honestly, I gave him years and things have gone from bad to worse.  I am anxious to start my new life.  I don't want a NEW man, by any way, shape or form....but I sure would like to go out and just be "me".  I LOVE the new me and I want to celebrate her all over the place!!

One thing I wanted to mention is that I bought myself a new swim suit.  I bought one last year (early) thinking I would need a smaller size...so I got a 22/24....I ended up having to sell it before I had a chance to wear it (so I lost big bucks!!).  This year, I bought one (size 16) and it fits like a glove and looks cute (I think...and that's all that matters!!)  I did without a winter coat that fit all winter and had to wear my husbands (thank you, Rod)....so I waited until spring when they went on sale and bought me one. 

I want so many different things in my life now.  I hate letting my husband go....but I cannot see anything, anymore, holding us together.  Bless everyone person who can stay together after they lose weight.  They are married to their soulmates!!

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