chimeraboo

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

After a year and some change of twists and turns on the path toward this surgery, Friday Januaray 22nd is the BIG DAY!!  I can't wait! I must get all the "bad food" out of my system before the day.  I have been blessed with a Dr. who does not require a long liquid diet prior to surgery, just the day before.  I find myself wanting to get all the bad fod out of my system but seriously, I doubt there is much that I am going to miss other than sweets.  Also soda too and um potato chips.  I CAN DO IT!!

I was trying to get this done last year when the insurance company would pay everything, but unfortunately when I had my clinical results visit in December, I found out I had gall stones and had to get my gall bladder taken out.  I think if I had been approved for gastric bypass instead of lap band I would have switched because I did not want to have to go under the knife twice.  I am glad that I did do the gall bladder first though because that surgery was absolutely painless except for a little gas that was all up in my shoulder for days.  I did not even need pain meds and the scars barely exist.

Now I am really interested and seeing what this band can do to help me lose the weight.  I know it will be a lot of work.  I have two close friends who both have had bands placed in the last year, and they tell me it takes a lot of dedication, but I am ready.  I want to live, and have energy, and be healthy and active, not only for myself but for my son.  He deserves active parents who have the energy to take him places and play with him without dragging him down because they cannot keep up.  I want to be here to see him grow into a successful young man, and God willing, I hope to become healthy enough to even have another baby, although the cardiologist insists that I should never be pregnant again (but that's another story altogether). 

I am interested in making friends with everyone, but particularly with people at all stages of lap band surgery beginning or end.  I think its important to share our experiences to help each other out. 

Anyways, that is all I have for now but I will be posting photos and updates on my surgery.

Hi all!  Its been forever since I blogged up here!

My journey to weight-loss surgery was unexpectedly side-tracked last year by a wonderfully surprising pregnancy!  I had been wanting to have a child for so long and I was blessed to have a son in May.  I was kind of scared about the amount of weight I gained during my pregnancy.  When I got pregnant I weighed about 330 lbs., which was already way more than I had ever weighed before (up until the end of last summer I had normally weighed in the 280-300 range).  The excess weight gain made me want weight-loss surgery more than ever.  During my pregnancy my weight climbed up to about 380lbs. as of my date of delivery.  Well let me tell you this,  I lost about 10lbs just by delivering my son, and the rest of the weight I gained during my pregnancy flew off in literally the first month after delivery.  My appetite has been non-existant for most of the pregnancy, and thereafter and I now weigh 315 or less lbs. (my weight is getting lower every time I weigh myself!!).  I did have a lot of complications after my delivery with excess fluid retention on my body, which I found out recently was due to heart failure that is believed to have resulted from my pregnancy (no worries though, the Dr. says I should be OK in a few weeks with extra blood pressure medicines).  I feel great that I have lost a lot of weight so fast, but the birth of my son, and especially the diagnosis of heart failure has made me want to live more than ever, and I want to be healthy!  I am starting this weight-loss surgery journey over again, but this time God has worked things out even better for me:  if I had gotten the surgery last year I would have had to come out of pocket 1800 dollars to meet my deductible and out of pocket maximum....this year because of the pregnancy, and my other trips to the hospital due to the heart failure...I don't have to pay one red cent!  And even better the insurance company quickly approved me for the surgery so...its just a matter of working with the surgeon and getting the necessary tests and I am on my way to being banded!  

Right now I have issues with food.  Some days I am scared to eat because I don't want to gain my weight back.  I need to be in control, and I feel like crap when I lose control and eat too much!  Yesterday I had a craving for a pepperoni pizza and before I knew it I had eaten a whole medium pizza!  IT was the only thing I ate yesterday, but I felt really bad about it. I wasn't even that hungry, I just ate it because I was craving it.  I don't even want to be able to overeat any more.  I am hoping the band will stop me when these periods of lack of control arise. Most days I have enough control to keep my eating in check so I am hoping the band will help me lose at least 50lbs.  I would be happy if I weighed  250lbs.

I just need to vent about something that has been running through my mind in the last day or so. So anyways, yesterday I went to the OB/GYN for my first prenatal checkup.  I am 8+ weeks pregnant and I thank God that everything has gone great.  No nausea, no bleeding, no complications.  The first ultrasound came out fine.  So anyways, I meet with the Dr. for the first time since being pregnant, and I haven't seen her in almost a year, and one of the things she says to me is "Wow you sure have blown up in the last year!" WTF!?!?  Ok first of all this is not some grand epiphany for me, I KNOW full well that I have gained a lot of weight in the last year, why does she feel the need to make an exclamation about it??  Then she proceeds to try to make me feel bad for getting pregnant at my weight.  I know I am high risk.  I have diabetes and I am overweight, and I have had a history of hypertension, but it is very well controlled with medication, so has my diabetes.     But why should I feel bad about getting pregnant?  To me this is a MIRACLE and BLESSING from God.  Dr.'s had me believing for a long time that I would need to get fertility medication to have any hope of getting pregnant, and to my complete shock, I didn't need any of that.  It is truly a blessing.   I mentioned that I found out I was pregnant while working on getting the Lap Band, but she acted like I was lying.  I just feel fat people get such rudeness and bullying from lots of people in the medical community who act like the formula for being thin is so easy to do, and treat those of us who are not thin like worthless failures whom they can talk to any kind of way.  I hate it.  I am a human being and I want the same compassionate caring bedside manner that smaller people get.  I have to admit it is really difficult for me to see the scale going up...rapidly, but I am TRYING, desperately trying to keep my weight under control.  I am not overeating, and I try maintain my activity.  I read that you can lose weight during pregnancy, but you shouldn't diet.  I would love to lose at least 10 lbs without jeoparodizing my baby's health.  Right now I feel as if I am at the mercy of whatever changes are supposed to happen to my body during this time of my life, but how do I keep the weight gain from getting out of control?  I will be devastated if by the time my child is born, I am weighing 400 lbs.!   

Okay, so I went in to get my Upper GI and Right Upper Quadrant ultrasound today.  I fasted like I was supposed to, no food or drink after midnite, and I got my ultrasound first.  Then I waited FOREVER it seemed like, to get called back for my Upper GI, all the time wondering, just how nasty is this barium gonna taste?  So finally, they call me back to do the Upper GI, and I changed clothes and got on the table and everything.  Then the radiology technician asks me "Is there any chance you could be pregnant", and I said, "No, I don't think so", thinking that would be a good enough answer for her, but nahhh she starts asking me about when my last period was, and I was like well my cycles are not regular because I have PCOS..I thought that would get her off my back, then she asked me if I have had sex in the last month and if I take birth control, and long story short (without telling ALL my bizness) she didn't think my answers confirmed enough that I wasn't pregnant, so she was like get off the table and get dressed, I don't think we can do your Upper GI right now, so I was like, so what do u wanna do, should we reschedule? Then there was a lot of scrambling to call my DR. because they said they either had to do a pregnancy test or wait until my period came (which God only knows when it will come, since I have PCOS), anyways, they got him to order a pregnancy test at the lab next door, and they told me to come back in 2 and a half hours.  So I went to the lab, did the test, and sat in my car for two hours cause I wasn't allowed to get anything to eat, and I did have anywhere else to go.  Anyways, I come back at 2:30, and the radiologist tech walks me into the room, and she was like your Dr. is on the phone and he wants to talk to you. So my heart is beating fast by now cause I'm scared my blood tests I took in his office last week or my ultrasound I had earlier this morning was messed up somehow, anyways, I get on the phone and he says, Sonya, the results of your pregnancy test is POSITIVE!!! OMG, I almost fainted!!  Me?  Pregnant? are you serious?? I mean we have been trying for 2+ years to get pregnant to no avail.  One of the reasons I wanted this surgery was to get my PCOS to go away so I can have kids, and now in just 9 months I will be somebody's momma??   All I can say is PRAISE GOD and HALLELUJAH!!  And I say this for a few reasons:  1)  We have been wanting a baby for such a long time, 2) I asked God to please throw a stumbling block in my way if this surgery wasn't meant for me to have right now, and he has so I am very glad that my prayer has been answered 3) This is exactly the time of year my husband and I wanted to conceive because the birth will conveniently coincide with my completion of college 4) FINALLY there is an explanation for my unexplained rapid weight gain, despite my exercising.

So I guess I can't be tired of being fat, as I said in my prior post.  I am going to be fat, and I may even get fatter, and I would be lying if I said that didn't concern me but I am having a baby and I have dreamed of this even before I thought about this surgery.  I kind of wish I hadn't spent the money I have on bloodwork and obtaining medical records and going to the dietician, but guess what, I wouldn't know about being pregnant if not for the tests.  I am slightly concerned about this being a false positive, BUT if it is, I will just move on with getting the surgery. Whatever God says will be will be, and I am just going to sit back and enjoy the ride on whichever path He leads me.

I am sick of being fat.  It is so frustrating to be out of breath from walking up a flight of stairs.  I hate that I can't just reach in my closet and grab something to wear, because most of my clothes don't fit at this point. I am sick and tired of being scared to eat because God only knows how many lbs. I will gain just from eating a sandwich.  I used to like taking pictures of my face, but now my face just feels extra chubby, and I don't like to take pictures at all any more.  I want to feel cute, or sexy. I want to have some damn energy.  I don't know why I compelled to write this in a blog, but in some ways, I suppose blogging is theraputic.  I could just go have that sandwich that my stomach and mind are trying to tempt me to have, but instead I write.  I need to take control of this weight, before I have surgery, but I don't know what else to do besides taking the drastic measure of making myself just skip eating altogether, and just drink.  I don't want to do that just yet. 

I have my upper GI and ultrasound tomorrow.  At least I am making strides toward having this surgery.  I really hope they will be able to get me in for surgery before the end of November.  I just want the scale to start moving in the right direction, so I can feel better.

I went to my PCP today to get him to order the tests my bariatric surgeon requires for surgery.  Having my PCP order the tests, and having them done before my initial consultation with my surgeon (Dr. Enochs, in case I have not mentioned his name as of yet), is supposed to help this whole pre-surgery process go a lot faster.  I am determined, God willing, that I am going to have this surgery before the end of November.  I wouldn't care or mind if I had to spend Thanksgiving on a liquid diet.  I don't even like Thanksgiving dinner like that for one thing, and for another, I just want the scale to start going in the right direction. 

Speaking of the scale I am just astounded to see that despite all my efforts and discipline in working out 3 times a week, (and I mean seriously breaking a dripping sweat on that daggone ellipitcal for 30 minutes) I have GAINED ANOTHER 2 LBS SINCE SEPTEMBER 3 (15 days ago)!   What the hell is the problem?? I weighed myself on Monday, on the same scale in the Dr.'s office, and it was 1 lb. less than it is today.  I seriously don't get it.  I am working my tail off, I am not stuffing my face with junk, and yet I have gained 2 lb.  Maybe this is just more confirmation that surgery is the right thing for me, because honestly this entire year's astronomical weight gain is my big AHA! moment.  If I don't get surgery soon, I might be 400+ lbs before I know it, and already I can barely squeeze my behind into some size 26's. Normally this would be the point where I give up on exercising all together, but I wonder, if I didn't go to the gym, how much would I weigh today?  I will keep going. Exercising is a good habit that will be very beneficial to my success after surgery.

Anyways, back to the PCP, I discussed my surgery with and I have to say, he has been a huge advocate for me having the surgery ever since the very beginning.  He is the one who has inspired me  to look into it. Anyways, he did as many of the required tests in his office.  Thank God for a Dr. who actually has a lab, chest X-Ray machine, and an EKG machine all in his office!  He saved me a lot of money by having that because all I had to pay was my co-pay and that was only $20 bucks.  He also referred me to get my Upper GI and Gallbladder Ultrasound.  After that is complete next Friday, its just the psychological consult, and then its smooth sailing from there.  My PCP even took it upon himself, without me even asking him, to write Dr. Enochs, my surgeon, a letter letting him know that he is all for me getting the surgery.  I thought that was just phenomenal.  I have a feeling that everything is going to go beautifully from the pre-surgical process to the surgery to the end result.  With God on my side, there is nothing to worry about.

I went to see the nutritionist today for my pre-surgery consult.  It was nothing like I expected it to be. I thought I would go in there and she would counsel me on how to eat nutritiously, but all she really did was go over how I am supposed to eat after surgery.  Correct me if I am wrong, but I thought the Dr. tells you all about the liquid, purees, and soft diets and what ever else to eat after surgery.  Why do I have to come off of $55 to hear some one else tell me the same thing?  I mean really, she was literally READING THE PAPER TO ME!  Now I'm not a stupid woman, by any means, I am very capable of reading papers and following directions.  Its is kind of irk some that I had to pay $55 for her to read to me, but whatever, at least the insurance will reimburse me.  Whatever I need to do to get the surgery.

On another note, I stumbled across the memorial page on this website.  It freaked me out a little, even though there was only one person up there who died from Lap Band surgery.  On one hand that is kind of reassuring, but on the other hand it really makes me realize that this surgery is kind of major.  It didn't make me want to back out or anything, because I also read a lot of memorials of people who died while waiting to get their surgery, and I don't want that to be me.  Besides,  it is my belief that with God on my side, I don't have a thing to worry about. Ultimately it is He who guides the surgeon's hands and it is He who controls my body's reactions to the surgery.  Only God has the power to prevent blood clots and infections, and any other complications.  So with God on my side, of what do I have to be afraid?  It is my prayer that if this surgery is not meant for me to have, that He throw some stumbling blocks in my way as I proceed toward getting this surgery.  If it is meant to be, then I pray this process goes as fast and smoothe as possible.  If everything goes as easy or easier than I expected, I will know it is God's will for me to have this surgery in this season of my life.

Speaking of this process, it is my plan to walk into my initial consultation with every "i" dotted and every "t" crossed.  I  have read enough of the profiles on OH to know that it is not uncommon for people to have to battle people left and right trying to get them to cooperate with completing all the necessary paperwork and tests to help them get the surgery.  I plan on doing all of my required blood work and tests, and getting all of medical records, in my hand (I refuse to trust people to just fax the records to my surgeon) and save backup copies of everything on my computer in case something gets missing, all before the initial consultation.  I really would like to have my surgery before Thanksgiving, but we will just see what God says about that. 

Anyways, that's all I have for now folks....until later. 

So, I revealed to my parents today that I am planning on having bariatric surgery.  I have to say, they weren't very happy about it.  I guess I shouldn't expect them to be.  I definitely didn't picture them jumping for joy, after all, this is MY journey, not theirs.  They are just worried, I know.  No surgery is 100% safe, but I don't remember there being a lot of concern when I had my tonsils take out! (OK its not the same thing, but then again, I would be very interested in comparing the stats to death by tonsillectomy vs. death by Lap Band surgery, I think the numbers may be close.)  Anyways,  I explained to them that both of my Dr.'s have recommended that I get some surgical help for my weight, and that otherwise I am healthy, my BP is good, my cholesterol is great, and my diabetes are under control.  And most of this (except for the cholesterol) is because of the medicine I am on.  I want to be healthy without the help of medicine.  I want the scale to finally go in the downward direction, especially when I put the effort in to try to lose it.  I haven't lived a miserable life because of my weight, but, I do feel like a failure when I gain weight, and I hate failing.  I have to admit, my parents' sketchiness toward the whole idea of surgery makes me ask myself, have I really REALLY tried EVERYTHING I possibly can to lose this weight?  I think about what I eat on some days, and then I feel the answer is no, but then I recall that my the majority of my successful attempts at weightloss have involved starvation, or near starvation eating habits.  On some days I am scared to eat because I wonder how many pounds I will gain or if I am consuming too many calories, if I give in and eat a sandwich or something.  I know I can do better in my eating habits, but I don't believe I can get much lower than 280 with diet and exercise, without surgery.  My feelings about surgery and weight loss are so mixed up right now.  I don't want it to be a crutch that I depend on to lose weight, I want to lose weight on my own, and then use the surgery to lose more.  I plan to continue to work on my exercise regimen, and work on eating as if I already have the band.  Then by time I get the surgery it will be like second nature.  Tomorrow I am going to see if I can make myself do a liquid diet.  Then I am going to focus on eating lots of protein, and working on a low carb diet.  In the meanwhile I am going to move forward, money permitting, toward getting everything I need to get my surgery.  I think I should try to get it all done this year so I can get meet my deductible and out of pocket max, and have the insurance pay for the rest.

Well I finally found out what my insurance would pay for the surgery.  Thankfully, my out-of-pocket expenses will only be 1/3 of what I expected.  I only have to pay 1500-1800 dollars for my surgery, and from what I understand, the hospital will bill for this instead of demanding it all at once on the day of the surgery.  I already have about half of that amount in savings, so I am very grateful to know this surgery is doable a lot sooner than I had anticipated.  I scheduled my initial consultation with the surgeron, Dr. Enochs, for the end of the month.  My husband is encouraging me to go ahead and get the surgery this year.  I hadn't planned on having it done until March.  I think it could be beneficial for me to get it done this year.   I have gained at least 60lbs already this year since about February.  Its just astronomical to me!  My Dr. says it is because my blood sugar is dropping, and when your A1C starts to come down, the weight piles on.  I believe it.  He has me on high doses of a diabetes medicine whose side effect is weight gain.  I have been making myself go to the gym 3 days a week and get on the elliptical for 30 minutes each time, and then doing weights on a different muscle group each time.  I think I have some good workout habits in place, this surgery will be just the tool I need to help me with my eating.  With exercise and smaller portions, I know I can get this weight off!  To be honest, while I hope to lose a lot of weigh fast, I would be happy right now if I could just see the my weight going in the downward direction.  I cannot not tolerate gaining even another lb.  So maybe this surgery will be the blessing I need to help me reach my goals.  Also, another thought, and please let me know if you have ever felt this way....I am graduating college in May, and from my experiences in interviews for internships and jobs before, I often feel that sometimes I could just be getting passed over and rejected just because of my weight. I don't blame all my failures on my weight, but a lot of people and companies, despite their disclaimers, do actually have some prejudices against fat people, and I just wonder if these prejudices have prevented me from getting any of the jobs or internships I have interviewed for.  Anyways, I want to handle this weight issue, so I don't have to worry about that any more.

OMG! I went to the Dr. today, and when he weighed me I weighed a whopping 16 lbs more than my visit 3 months ago!  This is the absolute heaviest I have ever weighed and it is truly depressing for me.  I know I have been sedentary for the most part this summer except for a few water aerobics class, and lately I have been hitting the gym to do the elliptical for 30 minutes, and do some weights, but DAG! its not like I have been stuffing my face all day.  I eat a bowl of cereal for breakfast, some crackers for lunch, and then dinner, and thats on a good day, some days I eat less than that.  I am getting to the point where I am scared to put any food in my mouth because God knows I don't know what in the world I am supposed to eat.  I am thinking about forcing myself to do either a liquid diet (consisting of only water and maybe an occasional juice to keep my blood sugar from dropping too low) or else I am just going to have to make myself eat just one meal a day.  I feel like God is telling me I need this surgery more than ever, and yet I am uncertain whether I should make the first move if I don't have all the money up front to pay for the portion not covered by the insurance.  I would gladly try one more time to lose this on my own if someone could just tell me exactly what to eat.  The worst thing about all this is that I am almost starting to be too big for a 26, and I'm sorry I refuse to go into a size any bigger.  If I have to take drastic measures, I will.  The part that boggles my mind is that my diabetes is actually doing much much better, my blood sugars are in good control, but yet the weight is piling on.  I think I better hurry up and get this surgery before I find myself weighing 350 or higher!