deemyers

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started work yesterday, I was so tired when I came home! So far, as of yesterday I am down 25 pounds...to 223. wow, that seems so crazy to me! 25 pounds in a little over  a month. I havent changed sizes though, which frustrates me to no end. Just for the record, I am going to track pounds via this blog so here we go. 

 

Month 1  = 20.3 pounds

 

I am SOOOOOOOO FRUSTRATED!!!!! I dont understand how people at 3 weeks out can get 70-80 grams of protein in. I am trying really hard and can get no more than 40-58 grams - if I am lucky. I am hitting about 400-500 calories per day and its frustrating. to top it off, looks like I am in the infamous 3 week stall, except mine started at 2 weeks post op and has been running since then. ARGHHHHH!!!! Seriously, we put ourselves through this to....STALL? I have been working out (10-20 minutes on the elliptical and keeping active and nothing. Yes, most will say, well, you arent getting all your protein in and water, but how do you do that when you can barely eat? 

 

This is slowly making me depressed. frustrated and depressed. 

Wow. Time does fly doesn't it? I am now in my transition stage, learning how to eat foods all over again. Looks like my stomach is iron clad, it can take anything. Not surprised, it did that before as well. I even managed to have 1/3 of the toppings of a zacharys pizza (didnt have any bread), omg it was so good. Soft foods, cheeses (my favorite) are my go to foods. I am terrified though, of slipping into bad habits, and have to watch myself constantly. Those bad habits are too easy to fall back into (guzzling water, eating bad stuff, eating all the time, grazing!)

 

I am in my 3 week stall. The scale has not changed in the last week. It's a bit discouraging but I hear this is typical. I just wish it wasnt so soon into my journey, I need the positive re enforcement to make sure that I can stick to this! But, it is a journey, so it is my fervent hope that I can see myself 6 months from now, down 100 pounds, and loving life. 

Stupid stupid stupid. I knew that I had to keep on drinking to get myself hydrated, but yesterday, I couldnt fit it in and wound up getting close to dehydrated. started feeling lethargic, hadnt gone to the bathroom and dizzy, then realize...oh, silly me, i have to DRINK. Its hard though when you arent feeling well already and when you do drink you cant get it down that fast. In addition, I was having severe acid reflux. Hmm...I wonder why? maybe because I was making lasagna and started sampling the spaghetti sauce a bit too much? 

live and learn I say. 

today I am proud to say i have got at LEAST 30 grams of protein in already - made it a point to have that first thing. Now I am working on the water. I can DO THIS.

 

Its been a rough four days. A bit of pain from the surgery and overall general malaise - I expected this part. What I did not expect was how much I would be missing food already. It is really hard adjusting to liquids only and watching my son and husband have one of the most delightfully smelling chicken bbq ever! seriously, I just about died. I am beginning to question myself on the wisdom of going through with something so permanent. I feel like odd man out. Everyone else gets to eat normally, I dont. and its hard.

intellectually I know that I will eventually be able to eat food, hell, I am so very much looking forward to it already. Fantasizing about the great meat nachos I am going to make and EAT when I can. (yum yum)

Which is why I am also wondering if this is going to work for me. I mean, geez, I am already fantasizing about food. How I am I going to get better healthwise if I am already thinking of ways to sabatoge myself! Don't get me wrong, I have not and will not compromise my sleeve this early in the process..but...sigh....is giving up food worth this?

 

:(

 

on a good note, I am down 7 pounds from my original weight 4 pounds from surgery weight. 

wow. Cant believe I am this close to being sleeved. Been on liquids all day, have a slight headache and am truly thinking about all the foods I wont be able to eat. feeling  a little down, but from what I understand, alot of it has to do with the fact that I am not eating any solids at all. Wish it was over already. Want to know everything went well and that I can start tackling the rest of my problems and weight. 

 

see you on the other side..

okay. T-21 and I am sick as a dog. The flu has made its way through my family and as a last stop decided to have some fun with me. To top it off, I am on triple therapy due to h-pylori. I was worried it would bump my surgery date, but I talked to the doctor and he is cool with it. The only thing that surprised me (i dont know why!) is that he told me I couldnt be more than 5 pounds from my weight. ooops. Think I need to start losing weight.

 

here we go.

 

Wow, someone did say that time would go by quickly and it has! Only 26 more days to my surgery. I have mixed feelings, there are days when I can't wait, and then there are days when I start questioning myself and wondering if this is the right thing to do. I think its normal to feel this way. (I hope). I just found out that I have H-pylori so I am on a massive dose of antibiotics. I am hoping this knocks it out, I will be devastated if it doesnt work in time for the surgery. 

 

I pray and hope things go well. 

 

 

After six months of waiting, I finally have my date. February 5th. So incredibly excited and impatient to start my journey. I want this so bad I can taste it, I am READY to start losing weight. I know its going to be hard, but really, If I don't get started soon, I am not going to get anywhere. I haven't felt this happy in a long time. hurray!

 

 I have just completed my six month weigh in requirements, am close to being approved for weight loss surgery and I am scared to death. I lurk on the boards, reading about what everyone is going through, looking for that magic key that made them successful, but I haven't found it. I am terrified that I am about to put myself and my family through some rough times just to FAIL. I am worried that I will not be able to make the necessary changes in regards to food, I mean - I haven't been able to do it before, so why do I believe that this will be any different? Seriously?  I am a researcher at heart, and have know more about weight loss surgery, the risks and the benefits than anyone I know. I have read about the "success" principles about weight loss surgery and what it takes to be successful. It's all theoretical you know. what happens when I am actually THERE and realize...oh man, I can't do this? what then? Do I really want to put myself through all that knowing ahead of time that I might not be able to do this?

I am seriously considering backing out because maybe I am not ready. My question is, will I ever be ready? Will I ever conquer this fear? what am I afraid of? I can't even articulate that, and it bothers the hell out of me. What do I DO?!!!! Anyone feel this way?