Faye U.

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I just love food! I really really do. And that's why I'm in my predicament!! So this morning I weighed in and lost that darn lb. so now I'm down 7 again. Cooking for my family is hard I'm a PuertoRican from Hawaii married to a Mexican, whos skinny and can eat!  Our foods are basically carbs with carbs and drenched in carbs and fat ( the fat is for flavor ).  Anyway I prepared corned beef and cabbage today, cabbage is one of my few vegies i love. I gave my family the meal with rice. For me, acting like I was being good, I passed on the rice but had 2 bowls of the meal. I justified it because it was mostly cabbage, which I consider one of my FREE foods.  Now I'm stuffed and feel so guilty. 

I've just gotta get through this hurdle of eating more than I should, that full feeling is not a deterant but an imposition.  I have got to knock that off!!!   I'll get my approval and not get the weight off for six months with this attitude!!!   

I should have saved it! I just typed a whole disertation on my eating choices and weight gain so far this week end, i tried to had a sad face and lost EVERTHING.   
Short version.   ate chicken should have stopped, was warned by DH, ate it any way. gained 3 lbs... that must have been some lead chicken.

Today got real sick off of a chef salad that  I barely ate.  I feel like a dummy!!    

Oh I get it... that's why I'm fat. I eat too much.. who'd a thunk??  

  I'm trying so hard to get the water in!!! I'm not big on water but I'm giving it my best shot and walking and really cutting back on calories I'm trying to stay at 1000/day. Today I found out I lost 4 more lbs!!! Yep that's 7 down and 19 to go!!!!  Yaye!!!!! I got to say it's not easy!! I am struggling with my family's dinner everynight. They're all skinny, I'm the one with the problem so I just got to deal!! 

I woke up at 5:30 this morning cuz I was sooo hungry.. I don't feel that very often, I pretty much actually NEVER feel hungry.. you know how it is... eat any time all the time and you never have to feel that. Anyway so I sat in bed and thought am I gonna get out of bed JUST to eat?? That was a battle, I didn't want to because I never do that. I never eat once I've gone to bed nor will I get up early just for a meal.. I guess I do have some clue of the "skinny potential" . So I battled thinking it was soo dumb for me to feel this way, then I succumed when I thought all I had for dinner was a rice cake and a 1/2 slice of turkey with Lots of water... so I must have really been hungry!!!   I did good though, I had some iced tea, 2 sm. slices of cheese ( 1oz ) a rice cake!! And now I'm doing the ice tea and water. 

So here's a funny story... Only A Man.
I sent my DH to the grocery store 3 days ago to get me a slice of ham and one of turkey from the deli. I asked him to have the deli gimme one slice of each about 1/4 thick, I planned to make that last. Any way he calls me and says they refused to do it for him. I was appauled. I told him did you tell the guy that's what I asked for and I needed it. The guy behind the counter referred him to the packaged stuff. I said forget it I didn't want it so I would just deal with what I had.   Next morning, I stop in at the same store, same deli and ask for the same thing... NO PROBLEM. I even told the girl at the counter about the jerk the night before that refused to serve my husband. She said she couldn't beleive that, it was their job! 

This morning, DH calls from same store. I said can you get me a slice of ham for today from the Deli. He's glad to help as always.
I get a call within 3 min."The guy refuses, he said it was unsanitary". NOW I'M PISSED!!  I call the store manager, "I dunno what's going on there, this is the second time my DH trys to get me a simple slice of ham and they're refusing to serve him!! It's always the same guy!! And they try to send him to packaged cold cuts". Manager reposnds "that's horrible, are you sure he's at the Deli", I say "of course that's where I asked him to go". Manager " is he a guy?" I think OMG the dummy is at the butchers' counter!!! Manager " I'll find him and show him where the deli is at!". 
When DH gets home, "you never said deli", My thought I did, but I shouldn't even have to say deli, that's automatic, isn't it??
  
But I still love him, I'm just reminded daily that there is a difference between men and women and we are here to keep them on track!! LOL.

I lost 3 lbs within the last week then they re-appeared a day later.... I was so frustrated!! This always happens, but usually I gain more.  So this morning I thought I should check if I gained again.... so I cautiously climbed on the scale and found............ those 3 lbs are gone again!! They better stay gone cuz lost inches don't count toward your surgery (not that I've checked on my inches or anything) ... now just a mere 23 lbs to go!!! pice of cake!!!  gimme a week, they too will be gone!!!

Okay so where am I today.. okay I guess. I lost 3 lbs then I gained it back  so I still have the same 26lbs to loose!! But that's always been my plight!!! I am walking everyday. Up to 6 minutes now and I can actually jog (3mph on an incline) for 2 mintues..then I wanna die!!! LOL. 

Finally got some word from KP psych.. said I past the eval and I'm a good mental candidate!!! But my PCP who needs to refer me never did it and is now out til 4/28!!!   I really want this done in June so I can ( vanity again) look decent at my 50 bdy party!!!  ( 9/11th) So I ain't got time for no laggin' Dr.s  

But all that's just wishful thinking at this point if I cant' loose the weight no surgery for a while I'll have to wait!!

So today I finally get a call back from Kaiser Fremont ( Bariatric Dept) of course it's been 3 weeks since I took the phsyc eval and they have no record of me entering the program. Here we go again. I need to contact my PCP and get him to re-enter me at inform them that I am a "return" patient and that should push me to the top.   I also asked for a timeline, she said everyone is different it could be 4-5 months it depends on me. I asked what do they deem as my starting weight, she said they now use  3 different weights and determine from those three. Lastly, I asked when do I start to diet.... she said not now!!! So guess what I did... celebrated with shrimp/ a crab cake/ a bit of dry pasta. Wasn't what I'd normally have but I felt so guilty. I'm gonna stay with it anyway...no matter what's up with the program I gotta get this weight off or at least managable.  Yesterday on my treadmill I got 5 min @ 1.4mph.... today 6 min @2mph and 20% incline... I'm proud!!!

I just couldn't wait!! I called Kaiser-Fremont Bariatric Department to get a status but alas... I got voice mail.   Iam very interested on what changed with regard to the KP program.  

Still waiting. Today I finally get to use my new Treadmill. You just watch these lbs. melt off. Wishful thinking... but that's what I got for now.  The evenings are quite hard on my way to loosing 10%. I can do the medifast during the day but the evenings after dinner I just crave the garbage. I did okay last night... I didn't get the popcorn. I just got some decaf IcedTea and off to bed. It takes 30 days to form a habbit.. only 29 days left. LOL.

Today as I sit here and wonder if I'm ever gonna loose my 10% I get so frustrated with me!! I did this to myself now I need help to undo my mess!!! 

I stared MediFast on Monday to try and get of the 10% my heart's not in it. I want everything else. Not to mention most of the MediFast food is putrid!! I can only handle the shakes and puddlings.  I'm waiting for my treadmill to get in today. I really need it. I looking for that to help me get he lbs off. 

I am so looking forward to the time when I can put on a nice bra for a change!! I'm also looking forward to looking thinner for my 50th bday. I'm waiting for Kaiser to Approve me a second time. This time I will go through with it unless GOD stops me!!  As I'm on MediFast my concern post surgery is controlling the cravings. I was reading some blog today that said "this too shall pass". I pray that's true. I know me and self control with food is NOT what I do best!! But it is what I fail at daily!!! So here we go  the long road ahead and soon no turning back.   I want to look at this time as my "coming of age" and get to the otherside of fat..... healthier and happier with myself image. 

I know I have a lot going for me, I have a lot of talent and skills. I know I've got that "pretty face" going for me but I gotta get rid of the belly fat to feel good about me.