Heather E.
December 31, 2010
Dec 30, 2010
Here I sit on New Year's Eve, pondering the events of the past year, and how much my life has changed. I remember at this time last year, I was still waiting on an answer from my IMR and was unsure if I was even going to be able to have my DS at all. I, of course, won my IMR, and had my DS on February 23, 2010, in Grand Rapids, MI, with Dr. James Foote at Blodgett Hospital. I almost feel like 2/23/10 was my "re-birthday." My life has changed so dramatically in the last ten months that it almost feels unrecognizable to me - but in a totally good way. I weigh 138 lbs., which puts me at 111 lbs. lost from my highest weight, and 95 lbs. lost from my surgery weight. I have achieved 102% EWL!! I reached my goal weight at 9 months out on Thanksgiving Day (how appropriate)! I currently am wearing size 4 jeans (that just makes my jaw drop every time I say or think about it). My BMI is 22, which is freakin' amazing!! I sometimes think maybe I should pinch myself, to make sure that this isn't all a dream.
I'm not sure if anyone ever reads these things that I write here. I guess it doesn't really matter - to me, it's kind of like a little journal to document how I'm feeling at the time or what I'm thinking about. But if someone does read this, I hope it helps even a little bit.
I feel like my life is amazing now. But I also look back, and realize that not a whole lot, in the grand scheme of things, has changed. I still live in the same house with my son, I still work at the same job making the same money, I still have the same family and friends, I'm still single, etc. etc. But all of my life (what I can really remember of it, at least), I have hated my weight, hated how I looked, felt like an outsider because of my size, dieted and struggled and been miserable. I've always hoped and prayed for some miracle to help me lose the weight for good, to keep it off, to help me feel better about myself. Well, my DS has been my miracle. I don't remember ever weighing this little or wearing this small of clothing; I don't remember ever not obsessing about my weight or what I was eating (or couldn't eat because I was dieting). For once in my life, I just feel normal and free. I feel like a huge weight (literally and metaphorically) has been lifted off of my shoulders, my mind, and my heart.
The DS has changed my life forever. Things are different for me now, in ways that will never change. It isn't all sunshine and rainbows. I have to take A LOT of vitamins, about 30 a day. I have to drink A LOT of protein drinks, three or four a day. I have to watch what I eat, especially dairy products like milk and ice cream because I am lactose intolerant, although cheese and yogurt don't give me troubles. Sometimes certain things will cause me to have pretty bad (painful) gastritis attacks, and sometimes I'm not really sure what in particular causes them, I just know that it hurts like hell and makes me miserable. I now have normal blood sugar levels, cholesterol levels, and triglyceride levels, for the first time in over five years. I still suffer from GERD, which I was hoping would go away after losing all of this weight and discontinuing my Diet Coke habit, but it hasn't - oh well. I've lost a lot of muscle mass along with my weight loss - I have mixed feelings about this - I was always almost "overly" muscular (for a girl), so losing some has been fine, but I've lost a lot of upper body strength and that kind of sucks. I should do more to do something about it, like exercise, but I am inherently lazy, and the DS didn't change that about me. I think I lucked out by getting the DS at a fairly young age, plus having "good genes" because I don't have a ton of loose, hangy skin. My upper arms were bad for awhile, but actually look quite nice now, and I think that all of the lifting that I do at work has really helped. I highly doubt that plastics are ever going to be in my future, unless I somehow end up making a lot of money or marrying a sugar daddy (LOL). I'm okay with that - plastics kind of scare me, anyway. Sure, there are quite a few things on my body that I would like to "fix," but I never went into this thinking that I was going to look perfect when all was said and done. I think that has helped me, having realistic expectations - I've never been disappointed along the way. I honestly had set my "size goal" at a size 9/10 (my weight goal was 140ish), and I hit my size goal in June, at 170 lbs. I guess it really is true that every 10 lbs. lost makes you lose a size, too; although I think that is only applicable after you get under a certain weight, like maybe 180ish. All those years that I weighed way over 200 lbs., losing 10 lbs. never made one bit of difference in what size I wore. Losing all of this weight has made me spend A LOT of money on clothes this year, more than I've probably spent in the past five years total. I feel like I wasted a ton of money because I changed sizes so much - I started out wearing 16/18s, now down to 4s...holy moley!! I've kind of refused to buy any new work clothes for awhile, so all of my work pants are too big (7s or 8s), but I kind of wanted to wait and see how long I can wear them and how low my weight goes. I haven't been actively trying to lose any weight in months, actually...back in September, I just decided that I was happy where I was at (around 150 at that point and wearing size 8s). Losses have slowed wayyyyyyy down since then - -3 in Sept, -4 in Oct, -3 in Nov, and -2 here in Dec. That's fine with me.
I don't know what else to say, other than I really love my DS. I am soooo happy that I chose this surgery - it is something that *I* can live with for the rest of my life. I know the DS is not for everyone. While I personally think it is the greatest surgery out there, I don't think that everyone can handle it - the hyper-vigilance with labs, supplementation, etc...it's hard work. The eating part is easy, IMO. I pretty much eat whatever I want, whenever I want...no guilt, no problems (for the most part). That may be one of the most amazing parts of the DS for me...living guilt-free is awesome!!
I'm sooooo looking forward to 2011 and my continued "evolution." I sometimes kind of feel like a butterfly, emerging from my coccoon, constantly changing. It's been magical!!
0 comments
I'm not sure if anyone ever reads these things that I write here. I guess it doesn't really matter - to me, it's kind of like a little journal to document how I'm feeling at the time or what I'm thinking about. But if someone does read this, I hope it helps even a little bit.
I feel like my life is amazing now. But I also look back, and realize that not a whole lot, in the grand scheme of things, has changed. I still live in the same house with my son, I still work at the same job making the same money, I still have the same family and friends, I'm still single, etc. etc. But all of my life (what I can really remember of it, at least), I have hated my weight, hated how I looked, felt like an outsider because of my size, dieted and struggled and been miserable. I've always hoped and prayed for some miracle to help me lose the weight for good, to keep it off, to help me feel better about myself. Well, my DS has been my miracle. I don't remember ever weighing this little or wearing this small of clothing; I don't remember ever not obsessing about my weight or what I was eating (or couldn't eat because I was dieting). For once in my life, I just feel normal and free. I feel like a huge weight (literally and metaphorically) has been lifted off of my shoulders, my mind, and my heart.
The DS has changed my life forever. Things are different for me now, in ways that will never change. It isn't all sunshine and rainbows. I have to take A LOT of vitamins, about 30 a day. I have to drink A LOT of protein drinks, three or four a day. I have to watch what I eat, especially dairy products like milk and ice cream because I am lactose intolerant, although cheese and yogurt don't give me troubles. Sometimes certain things will cause me to have pretty bad (painful) gastritis attacks, and sometimes I'm not really sure what in particular causes them, I just know that it hurts like hell and makes me miserable. I now have normal blood sugar levels, cholesterol levels, and triglyceride levels, for the first time in over five years. I still suffer from GERD, which I was hoping would go away after losing all of this weight and discontinuing my Diet Coke habit, but it hasn't - oh well. I've lost a lot of muscle mass along with my weight loss - I have mixed feelings about this - I was always almost "overly" muscular (for a girl), so losing some has been fine, but I've lost a lot of upper body strength and that kind of sucks. I should do more to do something about it, like exercise, but I am inherently lazy, and the DS didn't change that about me. I think I lucked out by getting the DS at a fairly young age, plus having "good genes" because I don't have a ton of loose, hangy skin. My upper arms were bad for awhile, but actually look quite nice now, and I think that all of the lifting that I do at work has really helped. I highly doubt that plastics are ever going to be in my future, unless I somehow end up making a lot of money or marrying a sugar daddy (LOL). I'm okay with that - plastics kind of scare me, anyway. Sure, there are quite a few things on my body that I would like to "fix," but I never went into this thinking that I was going to look perfect when all was said and done. I think that has helped me, having realistic expectations - I've never been disappointed along the way. I honestly had set my "size goal" at a size 9/10 (my weight goal was 140ish), and I hit my size goal in June, at 170 lbs. I guess it really is true that every 10 lbs. lost makes you lose a size, too; although I think that is only applicable after you get under a certain weight, like maybe 180ish. All those years that I weighed way over 200 lbs., losing 10 lbs. never made one bit of difference in what size I wore. Losing all of this weight has made me spend A LOT of money on clothes this year, more than I've probably spent in the past five years total. I feel like I wasted a ton of money because I changed sizes so much - I started out wearing 16/18s, now down to 4s...holy moley!! I've kind of refused to buy any new work clothes for awhile, so all of my work pants are too big (7s or 8s), but I kind of wanted to wait and see how long I can wear them and how low my weight goes. I haven't been actively trying to lose any weight in months, actually...back in September, I just decided that I was happy where I was at (around 150 at that point and wearing size 8s). Losses have slowed wayyyyyyy down since then - -3 in Sept, -4 in Oct, -3 in Nov, and -2 here in Dec. That's fine with me.
I don't know what else to say, other than I really love my DS. I am soooo happy that I chose this surgery - it is something that *I* can live with for the rest of my life. I know the DS is not for everyone. While I personally think it is the greatest surgery out there, I don't think that everyone can handle it - the hyper-vigilance with labs, supplementation, etc...it's hard work. The eating part is easy, IMO. I pretty much eat whatever I want, whenever I want...no guilt, no problems (for the most part). That may be one of the most amazing parts of the DS for me...living guilt-free is awesome!!
I'm sooooo looking forward to 2011 and my continued "evolution." I sometimes kind of feel like a butterfly, emerging from my coccoon, constantly changing. It's been magical!!
November 2010
Nov 28, 2010
Once again, time has gotten away from me. I guess between work, school, and family, I don't have as much free time as I'd like. The exciting thing that happened to me this month was that I hit goal on Thanksgiving morning!!! I, of course, was completely thrilled. Goal in 9 months, to me, is pretty amazing. I realize that it is just an arbitrary number on the scales, and I honestly don't feel any different weight 140 than I did when I weighed 145 or even 150...but I guess, to me at least, it just signals success. I've been dieting pretty much for as long as I can remember, and I *always* set goal weights for myself...and I NEVER once reached my goal weight. Never. I seriously did WW for 6 months straight prior to pursuing WLS, never missing a weekly meeting or weigh-in, never missing a day of counting my points...and I couldn't even get below 209. So yeah, you could say that I feel pretty proud of myself right now. Proud, and thankful. I think it was appropriate in a weird, cosmic sort of way that I hit goal on Thanksgiving. This year, Thanksgiving took on a whole new meaning for me. I really realized all of the great things I have going on in my life: the weight loss, the renewed sense of self-worth and self-esteem, returning to school, deciding on getting my MBA, winning a scholarship, my wonderful family and friends, having a good job...just pure happiness and joy - things I never realized before now that were lacking from my life. I'm just so damn appreciative now of all that I have, and all that I have going for me. It amazes me on so many levels how much the DS has changed me and my outlook on life. I always thought of myself as a fairly happy, upbeat kind of person...but now, I don't think I really was. Now, I think that I was a person who was going through the motions for the benefit of other people, trying to keep up a facade. I think, deep down, that I was pretty miserable with myself and my life...with the limitations that obesity put on me. Thank you, DS, for setting me free!
0 comments
September 2010
Sep 26, 2010
Here it is, the end of September...already!! This year is just flying by for me. Today I weighed in at 147lbs., which is my lowest to date. Holy crap!! I HONESTLY don't even remember the last time I weighed this much (little). My birthday is a little over a week away - I have to go in and renew my driver's license this year. For once, I am actually excited about the prospect. I am not going to have to lie about my weight for the first time in my entire driving history. Amazing!!!
I had my six month check-up at the beginning of this month, about two weeks late but my doctor had to reschedule due to his surgery schedule, so oh well. Things are going well. I am tweaking some things with my vitamin regimen, on the suggestion of my friend, Major Mom. According to the doctor, of course, my labs look fine...but we all know how that is. So far, I have been doing good with my increased intake of some vites...it gets to be such a routine, I don't even really think about it. I guess I am not like the typical DSer, in that I don't have a "set" schedule for taking my vites, and I don't carry around a pill organizer with me wherever I go. I don't have a set life schedule...sometimes I work morning, sometimes I work nights - so I just do what works for me on that particular day. But I do get everything in, which is the important thing.
I've also upped my protein intake to 150-200g per day. This is happening through increased protein shakes...aka protein coffee. I used to drink one a day, now it's at least two, sometimes three a day. I got a bit concerned when my doctor showed me my Tanita scale readings and we saw how much muscle mass I've lost since pre-op. I also know I need to start working out...gah! I've never been a workout sort of person, so this is going to take some willpower from me, I guess.
Overall, I am the happiest I've ever been in my life. I got my mid-year review a few weeks ago, and my boss commented on the big change in my demeanor in the past six months. He said I am nicer to people, I seem more even-tempered, and I seem more willing to work as a team. When he was telling me all that, I was like, "WTF is this guy talking about???". So later, I was talking to one of my good friends (who also works with me) about the conversation, and she said that she can see what he's talking about, and that she chalks it up to my weightloss. I'm like, "What?!?!" and she said that she can see a definite change in how comfortable I am with myself, and when you feel good about yourself, it changes the way you treat others. What an eye-opener for me!! I guess I just never realized I was projecting my unhappiness with myself onto others, particularly those that I work with.
I am so fortunate to have been able to have this life-changing surgery. It's not all about the weightloss. It's not all about the better health. There's just so many things that obesity affects in our lives that we don't even fully comprehend...until we don't have them hanging over our heads anymore. I can't say this enough - I LOVE MY DS!
0 comments
I had my six month check-up at the beginning of this month, about two weeks late but my doctor had to reschedule due to his surgery schedule, so oh well. Things are going well. I am tweaking some things with my vitamin regimen, on the suggestion of my friend, Major Mom. According to the doctor, of course, my labs look fine...but we all know how that is. So far, I have been doing good with my increased intake of some vites...it gets to be such a routine, I don't even really think about it. I guess I am not like the typical DSer, in that I don't have a "set" schedule for taking my vites, and I don't carry around a pill organizer with me wherever I go. I don't have a set life schedule...sometimes I work morning, sometimes I work nights - so I just do what works for me on that particular day. But I do get everything in, which is the important thing.
I've also upped my protein intake to 150-200g per day. This is happening through increased protein shakes...aka protein coffee. I used to drink one a day, now it's at least two, sometimes three a day. I got a bit concerned when my doctor showed me my Tanita scale readings and we saw how much muscle mass I've lost since pre-op. I also know I need to start working out...gah! I've never been a workout sort of person, so this is going to take some willpower from me, I guess.
Overall, I am the happiest I've ever been in my life. I got my mid-year review a few weeks ago, and my boss commented on the big change in my demeanor in the past six months. He said I am nicer to people, I seem more even-tempered, and I seem more willing to work as a team. When he was telling me all that, I was like, "WTF is this guy talking about???". So later, I was talking to one of my good friends (who also works with me) about the conversation, and she said that she can see what he's talking about, and that she chalks it up to my weightloss. I'm like, "What?!?!" and she said that she can see a definite change in how comfortable I am with myself, and when you feel good about yourself, it changes the way you treat others. What an eye-opener for me!! I guess I just never realized I was projecting my unhappiness with myself onto others, particularly those that I work with.
I am so fortunate to have been able to have this life-changing surgery. It's not all about the weightloss. It's not all about the better health. There's just so many things that obesity affects in our lives that we don't even fully comprehend...until we don't have them hanging over our heads anymore. I can't say this enough - I LOVE MY DS!
July 2010
Jul 13, 2010
I am creeping up on 5 months out from surgery. Time goes by so fast!! I am loving life more than I have ever before. The DS is the best decision I have ever made for myself, hands down. This morning I weighed in at 160 lbs., and my BMI is now 25.8. I am almost out of the overweight category on the BMI charts!!! My size 10s are getting loose, so it's going to be shopping time again soon. I actually LIKE shopping these days, other than knowing that the stuff I buy today is probably not going to fit me for very long. Oh well, I can deal with it. That was a hard thing for me at first as I started sliding down the scales...but I got over it. It's so much easier to find clothes now, and I am finding some incredible deals, so I'm not even freaking out about the cost anymore. I found some jeans at Old Navy a couple of weeks ago on clearance for like $2!! No joke. I bought two pairs in a size 8, knowing that I will eventually be able to wear them.
The best part of the DS, for me at least, is that I don't feel like I had surgery. I eat pretty much whatever I want to, whenever I want to. I don't feel guilty about food anymore, and I don't feel deprived. I'm not dieting for the first time in my adult life...and I continue to lose weight. I have been lucky in that I really haven't had to watch my carbs, although if I over-indulge, I get gas. So my body tells me when I've had enough, and I can deal with that. I finally feel like a "normal" person. It's so strange...I never consciously felt like people treated me differently or badly when I was morbidly obese, but now I do feel like people treat me better/differently. I'm not bitter about it, I just think it's odd.
I am actually enjoying my summer this year - I am not all hot and sweaty all of the time, and I actually have energy to do things. My back and my hips don't hurt all of the time. I don't feel self-conscious about my size or how I look. I took my son to an amusement park/water park last week, and I didn't once worry about if I was going to be able to fit on a ride or if I looked like shit in my bathing suit. I didn't worry about what other people thought of how I looked or what I was eating. I just had fun...and it was so freeing!
I thank my lucky stars every day for the people I have met on OH who helped guide me towards the DS. I wonder how much different my life would be right now if I had chosen a different surgery. I know that everyone has a different surgery type that is right for them...the DS is perfect for me, and there isn't a thing I would change about this whole experience, other than I wish I would have been able to do it years ago.
0 comments
The best part of the DS, for me at least, is that I don't feel like I had surgery. I eat pretty much whatever I want to, whenever I want to. I don't feel guilty about food anymore, and I don't feel deprived. I'm not dieting for the first time in my adult life...and I continue to lose weight. I have been lucky in that I really haven't had to watch my carbs, although if I over-indulge, I get gas. So my body tells me when I've had enough, and I can deal with that. I finally feel like a "normal" person. It's so strange...I never consciously felt like people treated me differently or badly when I was morbidly obese, but now I do feel like people treat me better/differently. I'm not bitter about it, I just think it's odd.
I am actually enjoying my summer this year - I am not all hot and sweaty all of the time, and I actually have energy to do things. My back and my hips don't hurt all of the time. I don't feel self-conscious about my size or how I look. I took my son to an amusement park/water park last week, and I didn't once worry about if I was going to be able to fit on a ride or if I looked like shit in my bathing suit. I didn't worry about what other people thought of how I looked or what I was eating. I just had fun...and it was so freeing!
I thank my lucky stars every day for the people I have met on OH who helped guide me towards the DS. I wonder how much different my life would be right now if I had chosen a different surgery. I know that everyone has a different surgery type that is right for them...the DS is perfect for me, and there isn't a thing I would change about this whole experience, other than I wish I would have been able to do it years ago.
How the time flies....June 2010
Jun 09, 2010
I can't really believe that it's been a little over three months since my surgery already. And I haven't posted a blog once since surgery!! Ugh, I am neglectful. Honestly, it just feels like I've been so busy living my life, that I haven't really thought about it much. I'm not even totally obsessed with OH anymore like I was pre-op. I usually still pop on at least once a day, but I used to spend hours on here reading and reading...my, how things change!
As of this morning, I weigh 172.0 lbs. That is 77 lbs. down from my highest weight; 61 lbs. down from the day of surgery. My lab rat data: http://www.epursimuove.com/ds/view_profile.asp?dsID=1466&dsName=Heather E. puts me at 60% EWL. I am just in awe. I am about 30 lbs. from goal in only 3 months! How awesome is that?!?! I now am wearing a size 12, and that is getting to be too big for me. It's getting time to go shopping, but shopping is in a way kind of depressing for me right now. This is because I am kind of a cheapskate at heart, and I really don't like the idea of spending money on clothes that are probably not going to fit me for long. I bought two pairs of jean capris back in April, and I just gave them away to one of my employees because I shrank out of them in a month. Ridiculous!! And I really liked them, so that makes me sad. I never, ever thought I'd be sad about shrinking out of clothes.
The DS is completely wonderful. Seriously! I have had so few issues, that they're pretty much non-issues. I had a pretty quick recovery - was back to work after three weeks out. I think going back to work helped me heal and feel better quicker. I had problems at first getting my fluids in - water, for some reason, really hurt my tummy. I had a little break down one day because I was just really thirsty and couldn't drink water. Honestly though, that has been my only real emotional moment. After I could start tolerating water, things got better for me in a hurry. I don't really have any food issues other than bread is really not my friend yet, and pizza causes me terrible gastritis. I went to the ER once back in May cause I thought I had an obstruction - it was the absolute worst pain I've ever felt in my life - but it was gastritis. Didn't, at that point, know that pizza had caused it. A week later, had pizza again, woke up in the morning with that horrible pain again...had a "DOH!!" moment, took some pain meds, and was good to go. No more pizza for me, no more gastritis! Other than that, I pretty much eat what I want, but as of late, have decided that I need to start watching my carbs a bit more. I've been in a little stall for about a month now, not a complete stall, but the scale has stopped moving rapidly...so, I'm going to try the low-carb thing and see if that helps. I'm not too worried about it, cause hey, I'm only 3 months out - I can't be done losing yet! But even if I were, I am so thankful and happy with where I'm at. I feel great, I'm looking good, and I'm just overall really happy. This DS thing is the best thing I have ever done for myself, hands down.
0 comments
As of this morning, I weigh 172.0 lbs. That is 77 lbs. down from my highest weight; 61 lbs. down from the day of surgery. My lab rat data: http://www.epursimuove.com/ds/view_profile.asp?dsID=1466&dsName=Heather E. puts me at 60% EWL. I am just in awe. I am about 30 lbs. from goal in only 3 months! How awesome is that?!?! I now am wearing a size 12, and that is getting to be too big for me. It's getting time to go shopping, but shopping is in a way kind of depressing for me right now. This is because I am kind of a cheapskate at heart, and I really don't like the idea of spending money on clothes that are probably not going to fit me for long. I bought two pairs of jean capris back in April, and I just gave them away to one of my employees because I shrank out of them in a month. Ridiculous!! And I really liked them, so that makes me sad. I never, ever thought I'd be sad about shrinking out of clothes.
The DS is completely wonderful. Seriously! I have had so few issues, that they're pretty much non-issues. I had a pretty quick recovery - was back to work after three weeks out. I think going back to work helped me heal and feel better quicker. I had problems at first getting my fluids in - water, for some reason, really hurt my tummy. I had a little break down one day because I was just really thirsty and couldn't drink water. Honestly though, that has been my only real emotional moment. After I could start tolerating water, things got better for me in a hurry. I don't really have any food issues other than bread is really not my friend yet, and pizza causes me terrible gastritis. I went to the ER once back in May cause I thought I had an obstruction - it was the absolute worst pain I've ever felt in my life - but it was gastritis. Didn't, at that point, know that pizza had caused it. A week later, had pizza again, woke up in the morning with that horrible pain again...had a "DOH!!" moment, took some pain meds, and was good to go. No more pizza for me, no more gastritis! Other than that, I pretty much eat what I want, but as of late, have decided that I need to start watching my carbs a bit more. I've been in a little stall for about a month now, not a complete stall, but the scale has stopped moving rapidly...so, I'm going to try the low-carb thing and see if that helps. I'm not too worried about it, cause hey, I'm only 3 months out - I can't be done losing yet! But even if I were, I am so thankful and happy with where I'm at. I feel great, I'm looking good, and I'm just overall really happy. This DS thing is the best thing I have ever done for myself, hands down.
Whoa!!! I've got a date!!
Jan 14, 2010
Sara from Dr. Foote's office called me today and we scheduled my surgery and my pre-op appointments! What a thrilling day, to say the least. My first pre-op appointment is Monday, Feb. 8th at 8:15 am [yikes, that's gonna be a really early drive - hope the weather is cooperative!] - she said that one will last three or four hours. Then on Friday, Feb. 19th at 10:30 am, I will be meeting with the PA to see how I'm doing on the pre-op liquid diet and to get some labs done. And then [drumroll, please!], on Tuesday, Feb. 23rd at 10:00 am, I will be having my DS!!!!
The emotions I'm feeling right now are so all over the place, it's crazy. I'm freakin' ecstatic...can't wait to start my new life. I am a bit scared...the last time I had surgery was when I had my tonsils out when I was in 2nd grade...so roughly THIRTY years ago LOL. I am glad that I chose to wait to have surgery at the end of February just so I have time to get some stuff done, like buying the rest of my vitamins, getting my taxes done and filed, cleaning and organizing my house, getting my nephew lined up to stay here while I'm in surgery to take care of Ian and the pets... there's lots of stuff to do and lots of stuff that I couldn't do until I actually got approved and scheduled my DS. I got the ball rolling on my STD stuff today, so that's one less thing I'm going to have to worry about.
I would love to say that my family is going to be super-supportive, but I don't see that happening. I texted my sister tonight to tell her my surgery date, and her response was, "Ok...do you want/need me to be there?" What the hell kind of response is that?!?!? I'm your *ONLY* freakin' sibling, for God's sake!!! I drove like a bat out of hell for two and a half hours back in September when she had her emergency C-section. I didn't even call my mom yet to tell her the date...after the way she was talking the other night when I told her that I finally got approved, I just wasn't in the mood to put up with more of her BS. My immediate family [my mom, dad, and sister] DO NOT have weight issues, have NEVER HAD weight issues. They just don't get why I want surgery. They don't understand the threat of diabetes or heart disease...the pain of osteoarthritis...the mental anguish of a lifetime of being the fat one. I don't expect them to understand, I just wish they would at least try to empathize. OH WELL.
At least I have some completely awesome friends who have even said that they will drive me to and from the hospital should I need it. What more could I ask for? I heart them.
0 comments
The emotions I'm feeling right now are so all over the place, it's crazy. I'm freakin' ecstatic...can't wait to start my new life. I am a bit scared...the last time I had surgery was when I had my tonsils out when I was in 2nd grade...so roughly THIRTY years ago LOL. I am glad that I chose to wait to have surgery at the end of February just so I have time to get some stuff done, like buying the rest of my vitamins, getting my taxes done and filed, cleaning and organizing my house, getting my nephew lined up to stay here while I'm in surgery to take care of Ian and the pets... there's lots of stuff to do and lots of stuff that I couldn't do until I actually got approved and scheduled my DS. I got the ball rolling on my STD stuff today, so that's one less thing I'm going to have to worry about.
I would love to say that my family is going to be super-supportive, but I don't see that happening. I texted my sister tonight to tell her my surgery date, and her response was, "Ok...do you want/need me to be there?" What the hell kind of response is that?!?!? I'm your *ONLY* freakin' sibling, for God's sake!!! I drove like a bat out of hell for two and a half hours back in September when she had her emergency C-section. I didn't even call my mom yet to tell her the date...after the way she was talking the other night when I told her that I finally got approved, I just wasn't in the mood to put up with more of her BS. My immediate family [my mom, dad, and sister] DO NOT have weight issues, have NEVER HAD weight issues. They just don't get why I want surgery. They don't understand the threat of diabetes or heart disease...the pain of osteoarthritis...the mental anguish of a lifetime of being the fat one. I don't expect them to understand, I just wish they would at least try to empathize. OH WELL.
At least I have some completely awesome friends who have even said that they will drive me to and from the hospital should I need it. What more could I ask for? I heart them.
January 12, 2010 - the best day EVER!!!
Jan 13, 2010
Where to start??? Ok, on Monday Jan. 4th, I emailed the guy from the DOI asking about the results of my IMR. He said that the decision was going to be delayed due to the holidays. Bummer, yet I can understand, so I will deal. I contacted him again on the 11th, just to touch bases with him. He replied that he called the IMR organization and that I needed to contact him on Thursday, that he would have my decision by then. OMG, that is awesome...and scary...and awesome...you get the idea. Yesterday [the 12th], when I got home from work, I hopped on my computer to check my email. There is an email from him saying "Congratulations! The IMR organization overturned your insurance company's decision to deny coverage for your requested medical procedure..." I screamed, ran out into the kitchen, and grabbed Ian...jumped up and down while hugging him, screaming, "I'm getting my surgery, I'm getting my surgery!!!" I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm a complete nutjob, but oh well, he's stuck with me.
This is the absolute best feeling in the world, to know that I fought for something I really wanted, did not give up, pursued it, and WON! I am so freakin' excited...I would say "you've got no idea," but if you're on OH and reading this, I'm pretty sure you've got an idea! LOL
I honestly just can't believe it. Someone said to me last night, "Doesn't it feel surreal?" and that is *exactly* what it feels like. This has been such a long, drawn out process that it doesn't feel like it could possibly start moving forward again. You ever have that nagging feeling in the back of your mind that you don't truly want to acknowledge because you're afraid that if you do, it will ruin everything? I had that nagging feeling about not winning against the insurance company. I still continued to move forward outwardly with getting a DS - learning as much as I could about pre-and post-op life, the labs, the vits, etc etc; but deep down, I was terrified that it would be all for naught...that the insurance company would win and I would either have to get another procedure or no procedure at all. I didn't want to acknowledge that feeling because if I did, I would've been devestated and I wasn't sure I could handle that. I was talking to one of my friends one day, and I made some comment and I said "if I have surgery" and she's like, "Uh-uh, girl...you mean *WHEN* you have sugery." I almost hugged her right then and there because it is people like that that I have had in my life that have gotten me through this BS waiting period.
Sooooo, now I am just waiting to get the official decision letter from the DOI, then I have to fax it to my surgeon's office, then we can schedule my date. I am soooo excited and soooo freaking out, all at the same time. I am hoping for an end of February date. That will give me time to get everything ready, hopefully! And then it is on to an all new me!!
ETA: I totally forgot before I hit the post button that I wanted to vent about my family, LOL. After I got the news yesterday, I of course immediately text my closest friends and my sister, and then I call my mom. My friends reactions: OMG, we're sooooo happy for you!!! My sister's reaction: Oh. When are you doing it? My mom's reaction: Well, you know this isn't going to be a magic fix. You're going to have to actually work at it, too.
REALLY?!?!?!? I am so thankful that I have awesome friends. Why my mom and sister have to be douchebags, I will never understand.
0 comments
This is the absolute best feeling in the world, to know that I fought for something I really wanted, did not give up, pursued it, and WON! I am so freakin' excited...I would say "you've got no idea," but if you're on OH and reading this, I'm pretty sure you've got an idea! LOL
I honestly just can't believe it. Someone said to me last night, "Doesn't it feel surreal?" and that is *exactly* what it feels like. This has been such a long, drawn out process that it doesn't feel like it could possibly start moving forward again. You ever have that nagging feeling in the back of your mind that you don't truly want to acknowledge because you're afraid that if you do, it will ruin everything? I had that nagging feeling about not winning against the insurance company. I still continued to move forward outwardly with getting a DS - learning as much as I could about pre-and post-op life, the labs, the vits, etc etc; but deep down, I was terrified that it would be all for naught...that the insurance company would win and I would either have to get another procedure or no procedure at all. I didn't want to acknowledge that feeling because if I did, I would've been devestated and I wasn't sure I could handle that. I was talking to one of my friends one day, and I made some comment and I said "if I have surgery" and she's like, "Uh-uh, girl...you mean *WHEN* you have sugery." I almost hugged her right then and there because it is people like that that I have had in my life that have gotten me through this BS waiting period.
Sooooo, now I am just waiting to get the official decision letter from the DOI, then I have to fax it to my surgeon's office, then we can schedule my date. I am soooo excited and soooo freaking out, all at the same time. I am hoping for an end of February date. That will give me time to get everything ready, hopefully! And then it is on to an all new me!!
ETA: I totally forgot before I hit the post button that I wanted to vent about my family, LOL. After I got the news yesterday, I of course immediately text my closest friends and my sister, and then I call my mom. My friends reactions: OMG, we're sooooo happy for you!!! My sister's reaction: Oh. When are you doing it? My mom's reaction: Well, you know this isn't going to be a magic fix. You're going to have to actually work at it, too.
REALLY?!?!?!? I am so thankful that I have awesome friends. Why my mom and sister have to be douchebags, I will never understand.
January 5, 2010
Jan 05, 2010
It is hard for me to write "2010"!!! I hate it when the year changes, only because it takes me a good two months to feel comfortable writing the date again.
I emailed the compliance officer at the CA DOI yesterday, asking about my file. I've been wondering if when they say "decision within 30 days," it means 30 business days or 30 calendar days. He emailed me back and said, yes, indeed, it is 30 calendar days [which means I should've had a decision *yesterday*!]; however, due to the holidays, he expects decisions to be slightly delayed, and that he would let me know as soon as he receives my decision. Have I mentioned how much I hate waiting? I am not patient at all when it comes to things like this. I just want to get on with my life. There are so many plans to be made if I do have surgery: scheduling all of my pre-op stuff with GHP, taking time off at work, finding someone to stay at my house with my son and our pets while I'm in the hospital, figuring out who's going to take me to the hospital and bring me home...etc, etc, etc. Yup, I'm a planner, and I don't like to not have a plan in place for everything. I have been saving up my vacation and sick/personal days for over six months now, in anticipation of needing the time off for my DS, and now I just found out that if I don't hurry up and take some more time off, I can't accrue any new vacation time because I've hit the 160 hour limit. Crap! I don't want to lose out on accruing time off that I have earned, yet I don't really NEED to take any time off right now, just because I just took a week off over Christmas. I wrote down on the calendar last night that I would take the last week of February off. I am hoping that I can just schedule surgery for that week, and then ask for more time off from there. Definitely looking into STD...going to take off as much time as I possibly can so that I can ensure that I am completely healed and recovered, and ready to return to work. There is no sense in rushing back when I have those options available to me.
I sometimes feel like I am at a standstill, and I hate that feeling. I am trying to stay positive - yes, I will get my DS, etc. - but like I said, I'm a planner. I want to finish ordering my vitamins from Vitalady. I want to get stocked up on protein supplements, clear liquids, all that stuff. But then there is this nagging thought in the back of my mind: "what if this doesn't happen? Why would you need all that stuff? Why spend the money on it if you don't have surgery?" I am totally afraid of jinxing myself - if I order or buy the stuff I am going to need post-op, then I will not get surgery. Makes me nuts!
0 comments
I emailed the compliance officer at the CA DOI yesterday, asking about my file. I've been wondering if when they say "decision within 30 days," it means 30 business days or 30 calendar days. He emailed me back and said, yes, indeed, it is 30 calendar days [which means I should've had a decision *yesterday*!]; however, due to the holidays, he expects decisions to be slightly delayed, and that he would let me know as soon as he receives my decision. Have I mentioned how much I hate waiting? I am not patient at all when it comes to things like this. I just want to get on with my life. There are so many plans to be made if I do have surgery: scheduling all of my pre-op stuff with GHP, taking time off at work, finding someone to stay at my house with my son and our pets while I'm in the hospital, figuring out who's going to take me to the hospital and bring me home...etc, etc, etc. Yup, I'm a planner, and I don't like to not have a plan in place for everything. I have been saving up my vacation and sick/personal days for over six months now, in anticipation of needing the time off for my DS, and now I just found out that if I don't hurry up and take some more time off, I can't accrue any new vacation time because I've hit the 160 hour limit. Crap! I don't want to lose out on accruing time off that I have earned, yet I don't really NEED to take any time off right now, just because I just took a week off over Christmas. I wrote down on the calendar last night that I would take the last week of February off. I am hoping that I can just schedule surgery for that week, and then ask for more time off from there. Definitely looking into STD...going to take off as much time as I possibly can so that I can ensure that I am completely healed and recovered, and ready to return to work. There is no sense in rushing back when I have those options available to me.
I sometimes feel like I am at a standstill, and I hate that feeling. I am trying to stay positive - yes, I will get my DS, etc. - but like I said, I'm a planner. I want to finish ordering my vitamins from Vitalady. I want to get stocked up on protein supplements, clear liquids, all that stuff. But then there is this nagging thought in the back of my mind: "what if this doesn't happen? Why would you need all that stuff? Why spend the money on it if you don't have surgery?" I am totally afraid of jinxing myself - if I order or buy the stuff I am going to need post-op, then I will not get surgery. Makes me nuts!
January 1, 2010
Jan 01, 2010
New year - new me. That's my motto. I think a lot of people I know are not going to like the new me much because it will change the dynamics of our relationship. Oh well, get over it, people! This is not about them, it's about me...I need to change to keep my sanity! I am irritated today because it is my son's birthday, and my parents, my ex's mom, and my sister have all neglected to even *CALL* him to tell him happy birthday. I would like to punch them all in the effing face right now...how rude and unkind!!! Accepting these behaviors is one of the things I plan to change about myself. Giving them all til the end of the day, then if there are still no phone calls, there WILL be some phone calls from me!! I'm not sure if their lack of respect hurts me more than it hurts him [this is probably the case as he has Asperger's Syndrome] but I am done letting that happen. Who needs family if they treat you like shit?!?!?
New obsession - reading people's blogs here on their profiles. Not sure why it took me so long to get into them....maybe I am just "slow" and it took me til now to realize they were there? I think part of it is this: I will be honest here - I am slightly obsessed with OH in general, because I am pre-op and sooooo focused on getting my surgery. So I am on here *ALL* the time. Well, there are just some days where the boards I frequent are not that active, or not that interesting. Can't be exciting all the time, even I understand that! But when this happens, I kinda don't know what to do with myself - how do I feed my obsession? That's how I got started on the blogs...feeds my need for reading more about people's personal journies...feeds my need for knowledge...feeds my need for obsessing over WLS. Ick. I think I may becoming a bit of a creeper over WLS. Need to take a step back from this for a moment...LOL. I am hoping that I will ease up a bit once I actually *HAVE* my DS. Then I will probably just be so focused on trying to heal and survive that I won't have time to obsess [I am hoping this is the case!]
I am hoping like hell that the next time I post, I will be reporting that I have received the decision I was looking for from the IMR and that I have a date. Wish me luck!
0 comments
New obsession - reading people's blogs here on their profiles. Not sure why it took me so long to get into them....maybe I am just "slow" and it took me til now to realize they were there? I think part of it is this: I will be honest here - I am slightly obsessed with OH in general, because I am pre-op and sooooo focused on getting my surgery. So I am on here *ALL* the time. Well, there are just some days where the boards I frequent are not that active, or not that interesting. Can't be exciting all the time, even I understand that! But when this happens, I kinda don't know what to do with myself - how do I feed my obsession? That's how I got started on the blogs...feeds my need for reading more about people's personal journies...feeds my need for knowledge...feeds my need for obsessing over WLS. Ick. I think I may becoming a bit of a creeper over WLS. Need to take a step back from this for a moment...LOL. I am hoping that I will ease up a bit once I actually *HAVE* my DS. Then I will probably just be so focused on trying to heal and survive that I won't have time to obsess [I am hoping this is the case!]
I am hoping like hell that the next time I post, I will be reporting that I have received the decision I was looking for from the IMR and that I have a date. Wish me luck!
Ushering in 2010
Dec 31, 2009
Not so sure why I feel compelled to write this, other than I ran across someone's profile the other day, and she had blogged every month of her WLS journey; not tons of details necessarily, maybe only once or twice a month...but it was something. And it was totally interesting and informative for me to read all this. Took me a couple of hours to read all of her posts, but I liked it. Kinda inspired me to try doing the same thing.
So here it is, December 31, 2009...New Year's Eve. I'm sitting here wondering what 2010 is going to hold for me. Will I finally be approved to get my DS? I think I should probably know by the end of next week. I'm scared to death. What if the IMR doesn't find in my favor? What happens then? Can I start the whole process over? Is there a waiting period? Or am I just screwed? Cause self-pay is totally not an option for me, not even close. On one hand, I don't know how they could NOT find in my favor...but then again, I hesitate to get my hopes up, you know? I don't want to be crushed. It is hard for me to not dream about this...I want my life to change so much. I was hoping that it would have happened by now. It's like waiting for Christmas when you're a kid...except that Christmas never gets here! I looked up information last night about taking time off for surgery and recovery...I was kind of worried about being able to take enough time off (being able to afford it and such) but it looks like I shouldn't have a problem. I have accumulated 4 weeks of vacation and sick/personal time, and I'm not allowed to accrue anymore until I use some. We get STD, which will pay 60% of my salary after two weeks, and they allow you to supplement STD payments with vacation time so that you can earn your full salary. So I think this will allow me to take like six weeks off. I was going to try to go back to work after two weeks, and I may have even been able to. However, the more I read of people's recoveries, the more I think that perhaps that is not such a good idea. The real problem is that I don't have a sedentary desk job. I have to walk, bend, lift, carry...every single day, all day (or night) long. So I think that 6 weeks off would be amazing! Not like a vacation, of course...but not having to work, but still getting paid, and just getting to concentrate on healing and getting into a routine is going to be awesome! Maybe even just four weeks. I don't know. I just don't think two weeks is going to be adequate.
0 comments
So here it is, December 31, 2009...New Year's Eve. I'm sitting here wondering what 2010 is going to hold for me. Will I finally be approved to get my DS? I think I should probably know by the end of next week. I'm scared to death. What if the IMR doesn't find in my favor? What happens then? Can I start the whole process over? Is there a waiting period? Or am I just screwed? Cause self-pay is totally not an option for me, not even close. On one hand, I don't know how they could NOT find in my favor...but then again, I hesitate to get my hopes up, you know? I don't want to be crushed. It is hard for me to not dream about this...I want my life to change so much. I was hoping that it would have happened by now. It's like waiting for Christmas when you're a kid...except that Christmas never gets here! I looked up information last night about taking time off for surgery and recovery...I was kind of worried about being able to take enough time off (being able to afford it and such) but it looks like I shouldn't have a problem. I have accumulated 4 weeks of vacation and sick/personal time, and I'm not allowed to accrue anymore until I use some. We get STD, which will pay 60% of my salary after two weeks, and they allow you to supplement STD payments with vacation time so that you can earn your full salary. So I think this will allow me to take like six weeks off. I was going to try to go back to work after two weeks, and I may have even been able to. However, the more I read of people's recoveries, the more I think that perhaps that is not such a good idea. The real problem is that I don't have a sedentary desk job. I have to walk, bend, lift, carry...every single day, all day (or night) long. So I think that 6 weeks off would be amazing! Not like a vacation, of course...but not having to work, but still getting paid, and just getting to concentrate on healing and getting into a routine is going to be awesome! Maybe even just four weeks. I don't know. I just don't think two weeks is going to be adequate.
