Journey2014

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In the last 2 weeks I have fallen off the wagon.  Not way, way off but I have really given myself MUCH too much wiggle room. It all started innocently enough. My tummy is healing nicely, the weight is coming off and I am now starting to experience some cravings. The first one was a pickle. Now that doesn't sound so bad but I am SUPER sensitive to sodium so this was a naughty treat. AND it was an unplanned snack.  This lead to other unplanned snacks all of which were more or less on plan...SF fudge pop, a Yogurt, cheese, a slice of deli meat. But AGAIN... they were unplanned snacks. I was GRAZING.  Omg... at 6 weeks out, how could I be letting this happen already??  My weight loss is slow but fairly steady. I have been learning that my tummy can handle more complex foods again and I LOVE to cok. SO I have been making healthier versions of some of my family favorite recipes and doing a decent job of it. BUT I am now realizing that while I was doing that, the fat, carbs and sodium were creeping up. I use Myfitnesspal and am brutally honest about every bite that goes in my mouth. My calories were staying around 800 so I allowed myself to believe that all was ok as long as the calories were low and the protein was sufficient. Last week I started going to a personal trainer and took up a belly dancing class. That made me feel great!! My energy levels are good, I'm feeling a general sense of well being and...then it happened.  I had a McDonalds Hot fudge sundae last night. 

That was my wake up call. Today I am back on program. I am going to be eating my simple foods again and relying on Eggface to give me ideas when I feel the need to spice things up a bit. I go back to the trainer again today. I am eliminating all beverages other than water because I think they may be a trigger for me.  

I WANT this and I DESERVE this. I am going to put in the work and get my body and my mind healthy.  One step at a time.

What a crazy month! At moments I look back and think, has it really only been a month?? And the next moment I think, how has it been a month already??  So much to learn, about my new tummy, new ways to handle social situations, new wardrobe challenges as I shrink.. It really has been quite eventful.  It has also been one of the best things I have ever done for myself and my family.

I have lost a little over 48lbs and am feeling FANTASTIC. I am wearing a size 18 jeans (I was wearing a 22/24), some of my wider neck shirts are sliding off my shoulders and I am ENJOYING my daily walks!!   Shortly after I wrote my last post, my  stall broke and the scale is marching along in the right direction again. My son and I will be attending 2 concerts in the next week (something that previously was a daunting and exhausting task) and have planned a hike on one of the more gentle Adirondack trails. I still have a VERY long way to go and I do not expect it to be easy, but for now, I am just REALLY enjoying this moment. Hope is a precious thing, and I am so glad to have it back in my life, I really did not even know how much I had missed it. Praise God for filling my heart with this joy. And bless all of the OH members who have been so supportive and informative. 

I just realized that I never posted anything after my surgery. For me, it was pretty straight forward, I was blessed to have everything go as planned, hernia repair and all. I cam home the day after surgery and other than being very sick that first night at home (I blame that on the pain meds which I never took again after that!!) all went smoothly. After 6 days I transitioned to purees and that has been going well too. 

There is only 1 problem... I am really not losing any weight. Well actually, the first week I did. My Surgery weight was 264, I came home weighing 276 (hospital fluids) and 1 week from the date of my surgery, I weighed in at 251. Since then I have bobbed up and down between 251.2 and 253. It is soooooo frustrating. I am eating around 500 calories, getting 55-70g of protein, carbs are under 30 per day, fat under 20, taking my vitamins, meeting my water goals, exercising as much as I am allowed to at this point... I just don't get it. I do measure myself weekly but thats tough too since it is nearly impossible to get that pesky measuring tape in the exact same spot every week.  I feel like I can see a difference in my face and my clothes seem to be a bit less snug but...   Well I honestly never saw a fat girl in the mirror (even prior to surgery) big, curvy all that but not fat. I DID however see a fat girl in the pictures people would take of me, so I know that  I can't trust my perceptions of my own appearance. 

I am going to attempt to upload a side by side pic of myself from July 4th and a pic of myself from yesterday. I am only wearing makeup in the new picture so its hard to tell, but I THINK there is a difference in the two. If the image doesn't appear here, I will put it in my profile.   

OK, so I have been a very busy girl over the last couple of weeks. I have completed my endoscopy, chest x-rays, upper GI ultrasound, OBGYN appt and had all of my bloodwork done. There was some concern over liver enzymes and so additional blood work was required. The second round seemed to satisfy everyone and it seems the elevated enzyme levels are simply the reflection of a rather chubby chick desperately needing to lose weight. 

Yesterday I had my meeting with the dietician and found that I have lost 8 of the required 10lbs for surgery ( I did it in 2 weeks!! And that was after already having lost 11 the previous month for Albany Med) . Soooo as long as I keep up my hard work, I should be in good shape for meeting goal by my July 15th final pre-op weigh in.  I am SO pumped and ready to do this!! I plan on losing at least 4lbs between now and then because my weigh in is in the afternoon and we alllll know that afternoon weigh-ins are not our friends lol.  I have an appointment for post-op nutrition class on July 16 but I did get a glimpse of the plan yesterday. It looks like I am only on clear liquids for 3 days, full liquids for a week and then on to purees for 2 weeks  and eating regular food about 4 weeks out. I may be a bit off on that. I will know more after my class.  I am hoping we get some info on the supplements.vitamins as well. I feel very in the dark on that particular topic at the moment.

Mom took me shopping after my appointment yesterday and bought me a couple of new nighties and a robe. She is so sweet and so supportive. I could have never come this far without her support.  

So I went to Albany Med on Friday morning (6/13/14) and met with the NUT, Dr. Kilbey. She was very nice and really went over my history well. I didn't feel like she gave me a lot of direction but perhaps that was because I had gone from 291 to 278.5. I scheduled a follow up with the PA for July 8th.  

Then I had my appointment at Ellis Medicine. I met with Dr Ingram (the surgeon) who was very nice. I had questions about the drain tube which she answered (the theory behind the tube is that if there were a leak MAYBE you would see it in the ude. She explained that its not all that effective for VSG patients since our leaks typically don't present until about 2 weeks out whereas RNY patients present immediately with any leaks) .  Then I asked about the actual leak test. She again explain that while the upper GI is pretty effective on RNY patients it is less so with VSG patients.  We went over the symptoms of a leak (pain in the left shoulder, fever, nausea etc). And she really explained the procedure. I think she was a bit surprised at how well versed I was in what to expect lol.  She explained that she uses a 36c bougie which, considering the size range is 32c-40f, is a nice medium size IMO.  My weigh in was 279. I explained that I had already lost and I showed her the paperwork so she compromised and asked me to lose 10 more lbs. 

It was an absolute flurry of activity after that. Sheduling nutrition classes, ultra sound, xray, bolldwork, support group meetings etc. I have tentative surgery date of 7/14/14! I am actually in hopes that I can move it to July 21st since it works better with my employer's schedule, but either way..... I AM ON MY WAY!!!!!!  I got up this morning and I am at 277lbs (wearing the same clothes I wore to the appt for weigh in).  I KNOW I am not supposed to weigh every day, but this is crunch time and I can't afford to make any mistakes. My body reacts strongly to different things at different times.

Wish me luck in getting this 10lbs off (I would prefer a nice safe 12 or 13lbs but 10 will work) !!!!!

On May 8, 2014 I went for my very first consultation at a fairly local hospital. The team members that I met were great, from the appointment schedulers to the nurse to the surgeon.  The typical first appointment for this team consists of meeting with the dietician and the PA. A follow up is scheduled 4 weeks later with the nutritionist who orders blood work etc, 4 weeks after that (if the nutritionist is happy with your progress) you meet with the surgeon.

  Unfortunately for me, there was a mix up and the PA was not available for my initial appt. HOWEVER.. I did get to meet my surgeon, which is kinda nice!  I feel a great level of comfort with him, he has been doing the procedures for a long time and has a fantastic record of successes, I even know a couple of his past patients.   SO that was nice, BUT  now I will still have to get the visit with the PA in AND another visit with the surgeon prior to surgery which potentially puts me a whole month behind.  The thing with that is, my son will be a senior in high school this Fall and he is an athlete. I am a mom who has never missed ANYTHING and I have no desire to change that during his last year of high school!! 

Not one to be deterred, I got busy meeting all of the requirements my WLS team set forth (my insurance only has a BMI requirement of 40+ which I meet with a 43.5). Since May 8th I have seen and gotten reports from my Primary physician, my cardiologist, saw a Pulmonologist (who deemed a sleep study to be unnecessary), completed my Psychological evaluation and saw my OB-GYN for my annual check up. OH and I have attended 2 WLS support group meetings and a few webinars. When I get to see the Nutritionist on June 13, I am going to be as prepared as possible!!

Here is where it gets tricky..... there is another very reputable WLS group nearby, I had actually tried to get in with them in the beginning but they were booked out so far for new patients, it was ridiculous.  Well..... about 2 weeks ago I got a call from them letting me know that they had and opening... ON JUNE 13TH.  lol  SO next Friday I will be seeing a nutritionist at one office and going for an initial consult with the surgeon (their process is different from the first group) and hopefully getting a surgery date set.  

HERE is the thing...  group 1 uses a drain tube and group 2 does not. Group 1 offers sedation for endocopy and group 2 does not.  I'm not sure how important the drain tube is, but being fully awake for the endoscope does NOT sound like a good time.  So, I have some concerns.  BUT Group 2 has support groups 10 minutes from my house ( group 1 is a 45 min drive) AND group 2 offers post op care at a location 30 min from my house (Group 1 is nearly an hour away). So I can't decide what I should do!!! AND I have intentionally slowed down my weight loss a bit because it is my understanding that Group 2 will expect 10% loss between the consult and the surgery date. I tend to lose 15lbs or so pretty easily and then fight for every pound after that. I am afraid that if I lose the 10-15lbs NOW, I will be REALLY struggling to lose all 30lbs that group 2 wants me to lose. 

Its quite a conundrum really. SO I have lost about 6lbs right now and plan to lose another 2 or 3 before June 13th and hopefully that progress is somewhat satisfactory to my nutritionist and puts me in a fair place with the other group as well, if I decide to go with them for surgery. 

One day, I'm sure I will look back at this and laugh at myself for letting this stress me out, but right now....