LovingTim

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*WARNING* This is just a rant!

I am feeling so frustrated lately. My wonderful husband is finding OH to be a source of support for himself and that is terrific! He is trying for that WLS and I think he needs the support that he finds here.

I'm finding it difficult though to find my own support. I originally discovered OH. It's called "ObesityHelp.com", so I thought great! But, really, I think it should be called WLSHelp.com.

If I had insurance, had a way to pay for WLS, I might jump on this journey and be seeking the support that I'm finding offered here. But, I'm not ever going to be able to afford surgery for myself, so I have a choice... stay morbidly obese or do something about it myself.

I wish I could find support though. Simple weight loss by diet support isn't enough because my situation isn't just me trying to lose weight with diet. I have a spouse that is going to have WLS.

We seem to be a somewhat rare couple also. His weight loss is not all about him. My weight loss is not all about me. Come this Nov. we will be very happily married for 11 years. I think this is what our marriage is about, why we are still a lot like newly weds. This is a marriage. We are a team. We are we, we are not me/him. The things that I do in my life effects not only him, it effects our children too. Things he does in his life effects me and our children.

As a couple we are pretty attached at the hips. Yet, yes, we are individuals also. We are just acutely aware of how our choices effects the people around us.

This being said, it would be ideal to find couple support, especially where one of the spouses is needing weight loss but not having surgery.

In town support groups is out of the question as once again, no insurance equals no ability to pay.

I do have my husband to support me and I support him. This will see us through anything, I'm sure. It would be nice to share with other supporters though our fears, our tribulations, our frustrations and our triumps.

We have a story-book relationship. That being said, we are still everyday people. We have the same fears that I think the average couple in our situation fear. We talk about those fears, and for awhile the fears are calmed, but they are lingering there in the back of our minds.

Ugh!! It would just be nice to find the support I need. *sighs*

As of this morning my weight is 312! I know that's not amazing weight loss since I've only lost 23 pounds total since last... August I think it was... but I am pleased that my numbers are still going down and not up!

I think the sit-ups are helping. I'm up to 30 sit-ups in the morning and 30 sit-ups at night, although yesterday I was bad and didn't do my sit-ups... and I had a Hot Fudge Sundae!! I still managed to take off a pound somehow though.

Ok, I decided to start trying to do sit-up's. Too many years ago, my cousins and I decided to lose weight. At that time I was about 15 years old and 250 pounds. We started by doing sit-ups. We did 10 a day until we felt we could comfortably do 15 or 20 (if we were feeling brave). Over the course of 2 months I got up to doing 200 sit-ups a day and I was down to 219 pounds! I felt great!

But then it was time to return to my dad's. I stopped doing my sit-up's.

Fast-forward to 33 years old, 5 kids and approx. 318 pounds. I know I need exercise. I also know a sit-up or two is not going to do it. I wasn't even positive if I could manage a single sit-up. But I figured... sit-up's worked for me before, why not try again. Even if it's just one sit-up today... maybe in a week try two.. and keep going.

I'm embarrassed terribly by my weight, and even more embarrassed by what I cannot do thanks to my weight. I don't want people to witness frail attempts of physical feats that I am probably going to fail at. So hubby was asleep, kids at school, baby still asleep, mom is awake but busy... So into the living room I went.

I figured the couch might be heavy enough to hold me. Onto the laminate floor I went, laid down, shoved my feet under the couch, laid down, and stared forward.

No way! No way! There is no way that I can do this. That is all I kept thinking. Then I stopped myself. No! I cannot think this way. If I continue to think this way, then I am never going to meet my goals. I have to at least try. If I fail, no one else will know but me... and then I can try again tomorrow, and the next day and the next until I finally do that first sit-up.

So I did it... I tried... And I made it... but the pain in my butt!! OMG. It was horrible! There was no way that I was going to do another, not with this kind of pain. So I got up, almost walked out of the living room, but then I stopped and stared at the twin sized, Finding Nemo comforter my child left in the living room this morning.

I have more than this in me! I know I do! I grabbed that blanket, folded it twice and laid it down on the floor. I sat on that blanket, stuck my feet BACK under that couch and tried again... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5! I did five sit-ups!! It still was a bit painful on my butt and my hips... But I DID it!! Then I thought... Can I do five more? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5!! Yes!!! I did it! A total of 10 sit-up's.

By this point I was beginning to breath a bit heavy, so I while I think I could have pushed myself to do five more, I didn't want to over do it. Also, with every sit-up... it felt like my hip or pelvic was "popping". It wasn't painful... just odd feeling.

I feel very proud of myself... There, in the depths of the shadows lurking in my mind... I feel ashamed also. Ashamed that I could not handle more than 10 sit-ups. Remember... once upon a time I was doing 200 sit-ups like it was nothing.

But... I kicked those thoughts back to the shadows... I'm not 15 any more... and I'm 100 pounds more than I was back then... and I've had 5 kids!!! Time to give myself a break!

How/where do we do we start? My husband was finally able to get an appointment to see the Physician to get started on the path of WLS. The appointment was a good one, yet disappointing.

My husband has not had a scale that would weight him in almost 5 years so we've been guessing his weight. We were off by about 60 pounds. This in itself is very disheartening for my husband. I am personally viewing it as a tree in the road... Ok, it's annoying, it's in the way, but we can find a way around it and continue forward.

Here is what the Physician wants before surgery is really, seriously discussed.

1. She wants a letter from my Tim's Family Physician stating that she approves. ( Annoyance #1- She's the one that wrote the referral. Shouldn't this make it obvious that she approves?)

2. The want my a letter from Tim's oncologist stating that he is currently NED (No evidence of disease... Meaning he is Melanoma free... This is also Considering he hasn't seen his Oncologist in a little over 4 years, this might be interesting to do, but we understand the "why" of it being needed).

3. She wants my husband to undergo a sleep study. (This is something his Family Physician has wanted also, but hasn't gotten around to yet)

4. She wants a blood work-up, and some other test results that my husband has had done - Pulmonary/Heart Stress Test. (Understandable. My husband isn't a "typical" WLS patient. He is a Melanoma survivor, Blood Clot and survivor with current lung problems)

5. She wants Tim to see the on staff Dietitian and Psychologist. (This would not be so frustrating, but insurance will not cover this... Why is beyond me! So we need to come up with a minimum of $175.00 for these two appointments and then we're not sure if he'll need more than one Dietitian appointment or not. They weren't clear on that.)

6. She wants him to lose a good chunk of weight before surgery is an option. (We couldn't get a true straight answer from her but she stated about "50 to 100 pounds" and seemed to lean more toward 100 pounds being the magic "your approved for surgery" number.)

Hearing that he would need to lose 100 pounds was... disheartening and confusing. We both knew that he would need to lose some weight before surgery, but 100 pounds seems such a high number.

This is also the same place that we went to before for the RWL program. Those foods are insanely expensive. The Dr. mentioned putting him on a 1000-1200 calorie diet with 80-90g protein. She mentioned that she'll probably want him to do a modified RWL program... modified so that way he doesn't have the cost of all the food coming from them.

Yet... Those foods, even modified, seem out of reach for our pocket books.

I am an optimistic. While all of this feels a bit overwhelming, I do know that we can do it... somehow! I don't have it all worked out yet, but it will be done.

So what are our goals right now... a plan of action?

1) Start walking every day.
2) Get on Freecycle and see if we can find someone with some wrist and ankle weights that they no longer want.
3) Revise my current diet plan from 1400-1600 calories to meet the 1000-1200 calorie diet as best as possible until we can meet with the Dietitian.
4) Come up with at least the $50.00 for the Dietitian appointment.
5) Get into a routine of Tim taking his Men's Daily vitamin until the Dietitian appointment.
6) Get phone calls and appointments made that need to be made. Oncologist, Family Doc, and Sleep Study.
 

 

 

It's been six months since I posted my intro blog.

Once again I began a "diet" that was of my own making. It was going pretty great. With-in a decent amount of time, I went from 335 pounds to 321 pounds. Then, as usual, it happened. Our finances took some hard hits and I was no longer able to buy the foods that I was using. I stopped trying basically. I know even with the horrible, cheap foods that we buy right now, I could still lose weight if I just restrained my appetite a bit and controlled my proportions.

I'm disappointed in myself that I've allowed this much time to pass without losing more weight. I've been steadily hanging around 317-321 pounds... until "that time of the month"... but that's another blog.

My husband spoke with his Dr more about his weight. She set him up a referral with a weight loss clinic in our area. We had thought the first appointment was to discuss surgery, but it turned out to be some diet group with foods that you need to purchase from them... It would have cost a ton of money, and really it didn't sound any different than what WW use to be, and similar weight loss groups that have done neither of us any good throughout our history... Yes, even as a "tween" my Father tried one some of these groups for me.

We stayed for the meeting, but we both walked away feeling very frustrated. I guess in essence, if you haven't tried something like this, maybe it could work for you... It wouldn't hurt to try... but we have both tried these things. My husband is now 34 years old. He is still over 400 pounds (Our guess is about 450 pounds).

Physically my husband and I are getting worse, especially my husband. His breathing problems are getting much worse. His exhaustion is getting much worse. We need to get healthy, we need to lose weight, he needs to make life changes and now! I don't want to find myself 40 years old and without the most wonderful, amazing man that any woman could possibly be blessed with.

So, after a few months, my husband has approached his Dr. once again. This time it's been done the right way. He was given a referral, and called. He was sent a large packet with a huge... survey... to fill out about his health, weight, history of weight loss attempt, medical history, current medical issues, goals and reasons for his interest in weight loss surgery.

The packet is filled out and been sent back, now we're waiting to see what happens next... We're feeling a little clueless right now.

I'm so proud of him. After all that he has been through since his diagnosis of Melanoma, it is very hard for him to see a Dr. especially one that is going to get up close, personal and intimate with an area of his life that he finds completely embarrassing.

It's also scary... for both of us. I'm sure we've got a few future conversations with his Surgery Doc regarding our worries about the possible complications of surgery. At this point in our lives though I feel that both of our concerns over complications is greatly outweighed (no pun intended) by the worries of not doing something for his weight.

Well, there it is. Yep.. it's been 6 months (a little more actually) since my first blog and it feels like we're taking baby steps, maybe a couple, then sitting down for a while, then a few more baby steps, but we'll get there!

This is my first time to this site.

I'm 32 years old and 335 pounds. I've been obese most of my life. I started becoming overweight around the age of eight years old.

By time I was eleven years old, I was 5'10" and over 200 pounds. No, I have not grown a single bit since eleven years old, I have however gained a lot more weight.

My husband is 33 years old and we are not sure of his current weight. We both realize the seriousness of our weight though and are frightened that our futures may not be very long ones if we do not do something.

I have not made a decision about weight loss surgery for myself. In the past when I've created a healthy meal plan for us, and I stuck to it, I was able to lose weight. I was losing anywhere from 3-10 pounds a week.

My health plan was not one of starvation. In fact I found that by making myself eat 3 smaller meals a day, and 3 small snacks a day, and not allowing myself this horrible habit of not eating almost all day, then eating a huge calorie filled, fat filled meal at night, I was eating a lot more, feeling so much better physically, and enjoying mealtimes without guilt.

My problem is sticking to it. It doesn't take much at all for me to fall back into the old, bad habits.

About 4 years ago, after doing a ton of research on health and nutrition, I created a meal plan for myself and my husband. I was down to 280 pounds after just a couple of months. Then my husband was diagnosed with Melanoma, had a few stays in the hospital for Melanoma treatments and a Pulmonary Embolism.

We got off track and have been more or less off track ever since. We've half heartedly tried to get back on track a few times but failed.

We are now looking into surgery options for my husband. We're getting older. Four years sure goes by fast. I don't want to find ourselves pushing 40 years old and still at the same weight as we are right now.

Our current plan of action is probably going to be this:

Set up an appointment with my husband's doctor to again seriously discuss the options of weight loss surgery for him. This had been previously discussed but at the time he was having bad problems with high blood pressure and his doctor said that while she thought weight loss surgery would be a good option to look at, she would not even come close to supporting it until his blood pressure was under control.

Set a goal surgery date: 6mo to a year
I don't know how long it usually takes to go from the process of discussing surgery with your physician to actually having the surgery. I would like the actual date of surgery to be no sooner than 6 months from the date of first discussion (well... technically second discussion aha).

Restart healthy meal plan:
As of tomorrow we will be starting our healthy meal plan once more. We will be trying our absolute best to stick with it this time and not slide back into old bad habits. I would like to see my husband loss as much weight as he possibly can (in a healthy way) before having his surgery, in hopes that it will lessen his surgery risks.

Make some friends and find support:
I would like for us to meet some people, find some friends who are either starting their weight loss journey's also, are going through it or have succeed. We need some support. I'd personally love it to make some friends, find support, and be a shoulder to lean on also.

Well, I don't think there's a whole lot more I can post right now on the subject, only that it's a journey that is going to go down some very tough and rough roads, but the destination is not only wanted but I feel very much needed if we are to have a good chance of growing old someday and seeing grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

Thanks for reading!