Melin71

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 Holy shizznit!  I'm no longer in the 200 # range!  That's really all I've got.  Still in shock.

Well, I have been unemployed since May 2nd, and frankly, I suck wind through the storms.  Fortunately, for me, someone up there is always watching my back.  I was offered 2 jobs earlier this week, and will be starting with a wonderful company this coming Tuesday!  So, to address the afore mentioned coolness issue....here goes:  As I mentioned, I got a job.  I went in on Monday for the first of 2 interviews with my company.  I was called and asked to come back on Wednesday for my 2nd interview.  Man, I was stoked!  Everything was going great this particular day.  Firstly, I got up weighed and had hit my 50 pound mark, I was having a fantastic hair day, my fancy pants were rocking, and I was wearing a blouse that accentuated my recently deflated chicas that was banished to the back of the closet....abandoned by my girth many moons ago.  I was in some super sexy pumps to boot...no pun intended.  I arrived at my interview, took a seat, and waited my turn.  Before I knew it, something glorious had happened....I crossed my legs!  No...you don't understand.  I crossed my freaking legs.  Without pain.  Without having to have it pushed up against an extremely heavy piece of furniture to keep it from popping violently back to its place of origin or risking bodily harm to myself or others by its ability to push lighter, less hefty tables across floors.  While I was waiting, all I could think about was how terribly pleased I was with how my day was going, how fate seemed to be smiling on me instead of pissing on me, and how damn sassy I felt!  So, I sat there, legs crossed, deeply engrossed in my riveting words with friends game, when an Armand Assante look alike graced my presence.  He was truly striking.  As I sat there, sneaking glances at him, I had the fleeting thought that I would ask him if anyone had ever told him that he looks like Mr. Assante, and decided against it, as that would be awkward.  If I had only known...
Now....I'm not a patient person by any means, so when I realized that I had been waiting about 35 minutes, I briefly considered that maybe...just maybe I should get up and move around, when my now supervisor called my name and apologized profusely for having made me wait.  Instinctively, I popped up from my chair in a very Rockette-esh way, only to realize that my right foot...the one in the sexy little heal....was folding underneath itself.  Hindsight being what it is, this is when I should have just fallen like a bag of rocks, faked a seizure, and played dead.  Back to the folding foot....I quickly decided that my shoe wasn't the problem, but my sassy, oh-so-revelational-crossing-of-the-legs was to blame.  My entire right leg was asleep from the mid-thigh down!  The reality of what was happening was whirling through my head at the speed of light.  Not in front of Wendy!  Not before my 2nd, decision making, interview!  And CERTAINLY not in front of ARMAND!  WHY GOD?!  WHY!!????  In my horrific panic, I made the fatal decision to correct my situation by continuing to try and stand on my corpse-like leg....3 times....reaching out for anything to steady me or to prevent me from looking like an idiot.  Too late.  After my 3rd and final futile attempt to regain my dignity, I found myself, you guessed it...holding hands with, and sitting in Armand's lap!!!  Kill.  Me.  NOW.  Of course, we were both laughing hysterically at this point (him more so than I) but still.  At least he was laughing with amusement and not out of pain from me crushing him to dust, as would have been the case 3 months prior.  When I realized that I was sitting in his lap, in all my glory, much like a child whispering their Christmas list in Santa's ear, I again popped up like a Rockette. ( I know, of course, I'm thoroughly insulting the Rockette's.)  I promptly dragged my dead, 2 ton leg to Wendy's office, leaving every ounce of my dignity and the chuckles of one beautiful man behind me.  I begged her to please let  us stay in her office until we were sure he was gone, for fear that I'd make some awkward comment if I saw him, like, "get ready to let me ride you piggyback to the elevator!".  Thank God, I got the job anyway.  And now, the more I reflect on the situation...I'm a little bummed that he didn't even offer me a dollar for his impromptu lap dance!  Some people can be so insensitive...;-)  Well, I'm off to email The Fonz for tips.  Later, lovelies!

Okay, so, still no answer on the job thing, but I've decided (against my better judgement ...lol) that I, believe it or not, do not have control over this situation.  The job I really want is still going through their protocol of what they need on record for a new hire, and patience is NOT my virtue.  Clearly.  On a much brighter note, I made up my mind last week to stop moping all day and start moving again to boost my weight loss.  Now I only mope part of the day.  Anyhoo...I started that couch to 5K thingy last week and I do zumba on the days in between when I can.  I feel much better and I can see the numbers dropping and my clothes are getting looser.  My biggest dilemma now, other than the job thing, is being able to buy new clothes!  Overall, life is great.  Thanks especially to Koko and Paul on here for always being so encouraging!  Y'all are the best!  Goodnight, lovelies!

 I just realized today that I'm less than 10 pounds away from weighing under 200 pounds!  What in the name of Abraham Lincoln's mother is happening?!  This is amazing to me.  I am honored to be on this ride with so many supportive people.  AND to be able to buckle the safety belt on afore mentioned ride!  Ca-ray-zee!

Had a  good weekend.  Tested my mortality.  Okay, so it was just yardwork, but it sure felt like I was about to see King Jesus.   My dude and I got the kids outta the house and we pulled up some 60+ year old azaleas that were killed by the bad winter we had here.  It only took about 3 hours for my body to scream out to me in pain.  It felt like someone wrang my ass out like an old washrag.  I hurt from my forearms down to my 2 hips.  I. wanted. ADVIL!  It was at that point that I realized that, while WLS was the right choice for me, I am convinced that my surgeon must be a bit of a sadist.  How could he NOT be?!  He knew how crappy this was gonna make me feel and he allowed it to happen anyway?!  The nerve of him!  The next time I see his skinny, John Cusack-looking, Puma wearing, cute little gel haired self, with the sweetest voice....wait...what was I talking about?  Oh yeah...the fact that the only footwear that will accomodate his cloven hooves are shoes that kids my sons age wear and that God made him so cute so that I would spare his life and not kidnap him, strap him to a chair, and feed him broth that tastes like ball sweat for weeks on end, only to remind him that "these feelings you have that tell you you're hungry are all in your head, sweetie." .  But I digress.  I plan on increasing my fluid and protein intake this week, as well as exercising again, so hopefully that'll boost my whatever and cause the scale to move again.  I guess it's not fair of me to pick on Dr. Cusack.  I know that in a few short months I'll be praising him and cruising his neighborhood to stalk him and not because I want to tie him up in a root cellar like I kinda wanna do now...lol.  Maybe I'll just destroy a pair of Pumas and leave them on his doorstep as a warning.  You know...like a redneck version of "Godfather".....only without all the sex appeal and money.  Honestly, it'll probably have to be a pair of yard shoes, as I am broke as a joke right now.  Oh well!  Guess I'll go squish the snot outta this little toe headed 2 year old instead.  My criminal fantasies will just have to wait for now!  Later, lovelies!

Okay, so I know I shouldn't complain, but....I'm gonna.  Again.  This job thing is taking over my brain, and I've not done ANYTHING in the way of exercise.  My brain tells me to get moving, but then my laziness wins the battle.  I look at other peoples' progress, and it's hard not to compare.  I'm constantly wondering if I'm where I should be weight loss wise and have a difficult time imagining breaking 200 pounds, much less in a month or so.  I hope that it happens, but then again, I wasn't expecting to stall out so soon and only be at a 42 pound loss in 2 months.  Maybe I'm expecting too much.  Maybe I shouldn't compare my journey to anyone else's.  Or MAYBE I should get off my ass and get to moving.  Okay....enough of this mealy mouthing myself today.  On a NSV...I was able to go down a size in my fancy pants, and I had an interview yesterday that I think went very well, so I should know something about this whole job jazz by the end of this week.  I love that I can get on here and vent, and no one condemns me, but I'm really gonna try to stop doing it so much.  I'm letting my circumstances control me, and that sucks!  I absolutely know better and WILL do better.  I HATE it when people do what I'm doing!  UGHHH!  Again...thanks, lovelies!

So I spent the evening fuming and feeling like crap over my job situation, and then I heard from a dear friend this morning.  She has a longtime friend named Kelley who is my new hero.  Kelley lost a sister as a result of an automobile accident a few years ago, then she herself had a horrific car wreck earlier this year in February.  It's been an arduous process for her, and today she informed me that Kelley had to have her feet amputated recently.  It's been a horrible mental setback for her, but thank God for angels on earth like our Heather, who is going to give her the pinch she needs to up her fiestiness.  Says she gonna offer to help her paint her "new" toenails!  And here I am bitching about a weight stall.  Sheesh.  I struggled with sleep last night.  It's hard to sleep when you're exacting your revenge!  Then I just decided to mourn it for the loss that it is, count my blessings, and try my best to deal with the reality of what's going on in my life....you know...the things I have control over.   When I woke up this morning, my friend sent me an email about Kelley, and I knew that I am blessed and a bit of a tit!  Plus, I weighed this morning and am down 3 pounds.  Talk about loving the taste of crow.  I'm still not sure how much protein it yields, though, so if anyone reading this could be a doll and let a girl know, I'd sure be thankful!  Well, again, thanks for the supportive comments, and for reading my blog. Guess I should scoot...this kid ain't gonna potty train herself!  Later, lovelies!

Okay, so first of all...this is going to be a bitch session, so it won't be for the faint of heart.  Let me start by saying that this has been an uber shitty day, as I started the day off by losing my job of 14 years, so you may just want to pass this blog on by. Should you choose to continue to read, well....you were warned.  Besides the crapola job situation, I'm apparently at a stall with my weight loss, and I'm pretty pissed about it.  I'm doing everything I've been told to do, and am only right at a 40 pound loss after 8 weeks.  I was expecting it to continue to fall off at the same rate it was coming off in the beginning.  Naive, I know, but I'm just being honest.  I need for someone to tell me it's gonna kick in and get better.  My biggest fear has been that I'll only lose "x" amount of weight, then it'll just stop.  Forever.  Statistics tell me otherwise, I know, but when you've spent your entire life losing this battle, it's kind of engrained into one's brain!  I guess what I need is a big hug and a good old fashioned cry.  Thanks for letting me bitch!  Hopefully it's a huge calorie burner! 

 Okay, so I did this once today, but it didn't post, so I'll try this again.  I'm having some issues, people!  Besides the whole "getting to know my pouch" issue that I mentioned last week, I'm freaking out on several levels.  Let me preface this by saying that I have called and asked my surgeon all of these questions, to the point of aggravation, I fear!  Where to start....okay, so the burning sensation in my stomach is the first thing, which subsides once I eat, but still, it throws me for a loop every time.  Then there's the matter of of eating slowly enough, good googely moogley that's harder than I thought!  I've resorted to timing myself like a competitive eater of sorts, but it's coming along.  Protein confuses me, only because I'm craving it like mad, but my surgeon's diet that I'm following only has eggs and beans as the sole source of protein.  They said that they'd prefer me to not have protein shakes at this point, which is fine with me because I was beginning to find them quite disgusting, but eggs and beans are getting old.  I keep trying to remind myself that this is just for awhile, and that I can get through this, but I feel like I'm running on steam....which leads me to my NEXT whine....why in the blue monkey nuts am I sleeping so much on the weekends?!  I don't find myself that tired throughout the week, but the past 2 weekends I've slept until after 11, which is about 4 hours later than usual.  Bottom line to all of this is that I'm not cheating, I'm walking 2 miles at least 4 times a week, I'm taking my vitamins and supplements, and I feel like after 6 weeks' time that I should be further along on the weight loss part of things.  While I'm not complaining about losing this amount of weight in 6 weeks time, I really thought that i would be down further than this.  I used to think that WLS was taking the easy way out, I have now added crow to my list of acceptable sources of protein!  This is, by far, the most intense thing that I've ever experienced as it pertains to modifying ones self...lol.  I have said it in the past, and will say it again...this website has been and is a Godsend for me, so I'm counting on some sage advice from you awesome trailblazers!  I have a feeling that one of those things is going to be something about patience, but I can take it...lmao.  Lastly, just let me say that I know that the last thing to transform throughout this process will be my mind.  Having said that, it's very difficult for me to fathom that this will, indeed, work for me, even though statistically I know that's not the case.  Because all I've ever know is failure when it comes to this, I think I'm fully expecting the weight loss to cease, which is why I think I've become so ridiculously wacked out about all of this.  Someone please tell me I'm not alone in being the only one to ever think such thoughts.  Again, thanks for reading my neurotic thoughts, and , don't worry...I'm on Grade A meds.  Later, lovelies!

 Okay, so I gotta be honest....I'm OVER this diet I've been on for the past 5 weeks and I'm happier than a hooker at a viagra convention that I go a week early for my 6 week post op visit!  I've already been told by my docs' awesome staff that crackers, cheese and peanut butter are in my immediate future!  Yee-Haw!  This has, by far, been the best decision I've ever made, but talk about having to figure my out how my crazy coconut works!  As of right now, I'm down 33 pounds at 5 weeks (tomorrow).  I have no problems knowing when to stop eating, which is wondermous, because now, for the first time in my life, I know what FULL feels like. HOWever!  I think I'm wiggin' out a little because, while certain foods peak my interest, I'm never to the point of "OMG..I'm starving!", so I get a sour feeling in my stomach, which makes me think that if I eat I'll become nauseous, when in all actuality, I'm missing the cue to put a little something in the pouch.  I truly suck at being a kangaroo.  Marsupials suck.  I have many issues with food, obviously....so I'm looking forward to leaning on you great people when the real food comes.  I'm excited and terrified all at once.  I'm so scared that the weight will come back as soon as I eat solid food.  Logic tells me that's insane, but I have this fear that I'll be the one this won't completely work for.  I did get some encouraging news yesterday, though...Kristen, who has been so patient with me, is a receptionist at my surgeons' office.  She had her 4 year surgeversay yesterday, and has lost and kept off 169 pounds.  What an inspiration!  I guess I need to keep those blessings in my sites.  I'll update things tomorrow!  Later, lovelies!