50 weeks

Dec 17, 2012

50 weeks :) its crazy how fast this year has gone! when i started my journey 2 years ago i was 387lbs. in August 2011 at my first appointment with Dr Regan i weighed in at 366lbs and on the morning of my surgery January 2 2012, i weighed in at 344lbs, wearing a size 30-32 jeans and a 4x mens t shirt. 50 hard trying weeks later i am at 224.4lbs, in a size 12-14 jeans and a L-XL shirt and struggling but for the most part i am happy! 

     i have fallen back into some old habits, binge eating and snacking mainly. i have also stopped exercising regularly. I am working hard at getting back into it, but i am so deathly terrified that i will go back to the way i way a year ago. 

     i have restarted my eating plan, the key for me is keeping busy at all hours of the day. once i get bored that is where i start to screw up. anything after 3pm is especially hard for me. i don't know why, also when i am stressed, upset, angry, in pain, depressed, anxious anything like that really i feel the need to eat. even if im not hungry OR if im so full it hurts i still want more. i hate feeling like this but i know i need to gain control. its hard because i don't have insurance and i want so badly to go talk to a psychiatrist but i have been unable to find one that i can afford that has experience working with someone who has had bariatric surgery. but i can not let this be an excuse. i know i am better than this. i love my life now. i just need to refocus. and remember why i did this. i am worth it. i know i am. i believe i am. i know i can overcome this and continue on my journey. 

i had previously set a goal to be down to 199 by January 1st 2013. that is in 2 weeks and i am currently at 224. 25 lbs in 2 weeks is extremely dangerous and a goal that will only put more stress on me. instead i am going to shoot for 215lbs. 10 lbs is doable. i know i can and will achieve this :) i have faith that things will start looking up. i just have to remember that I AM WORTH IT :)

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