Nova B.

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Surgery was one month ago today.  I'm feeling great and am starting to eat more real food.  I'm staying sugar and gluten free and sticking to fresh home-made food as much as I can.

I can finally eat dairy again.  I have not found anything else that I cant eat but I find anything with a mashed potato consistency (Yams, potatoes) feel weird and gluey in my pouch so I don't eat them. 

Water has to be a constant for me to get it all in.  I have issues eating or drinking before noon.  Its getting a little better as time goes on but even plain water first thing in the morning is uncomfortable. 

I signed up for the YMCA and have an appointment with a trainer next Friday.  Until then I'm walking every day. I was advised yesterday that there is a cardio strength class on M-W-F that I should start with so I'll be starting that tomorrow.

My incisions have all healed nicely.  I did have one that had a stich poking out but it finally dissolved and is gone. 

My weight loss is good.  I have lost about 38 pounds so far.  I say "about" because the scale has been stuck.  It might go up or down 1-3 pounds and has been stuck like that for about 2 weeks now.  My Dr says its the usual 3 week stall so I'm not panicking.  I know it will all come off in time.  I'm doing all the right things.  I will not fail!  :)

I am a foodie.  I love everything there is about food.  I love researching recipes, planning meals, shopping for groceries and cooking for family and friends.  This weekend I have been obsessing over food.  I'm PMSing, kids are getting to me, our dog is hurt and cant be fixed, I'm unemployed and questioning my ability to actually get and keep a job, and I'm just stressed.  So as usual my go-to is to cook. 

This past week I went back to cooking for my family.  Its been a real comfort since I'm not working and gives me something to do.  On top of normal meals, yesterday I made strawberry shortcakes.  This morning I made waffles with eggs and hash browns for breakfast.  I cooked a roast all day for dinner.  I made cheese sauce to go over some left-over rice for a side.  I didn't eat any of it except a tablespoon of the rice and a half ounce of roast beef for dinner tonight. 

My husband is worried that this behavior will make things worse on me while going through this journey.  He would rather see me put my efforts towards some other hobby instead of anything food related.  And its not that I don't WANT to eat the things I cook.  I'm just so afraid I will eat something that will make me sick I don't dare try most of it.  I know as I continue to heal I will be able to eat more and more things and I will work hard at continuing to stay away from the things I shouldn't be eating but I don't see myself ever giving up my love of cooking.  My plan is to just cook in smaller quantities and start serving my family the same way I will be eating.  My hubby is on board for changing his eating habits, hopefully the kids wont fight back too much!

Yesterday was my first follow-up with my surgeons office.  Best news from my visit was my blood pressure was down to 110/70!  Whoo hoo!  Before this process my blood pressure was high.  They even kept me in the hospital an extra night because it was so high.  So this makes me so happy!

The doctor was pleased with my progress.  She said my incisions all looked good and were healing nicely.  I told her I was weighing every day at home and that my weight had not really changed in the last week.  She confirmed that that would be my first plateau and it was right on schedule (between 2-3 weeks).  I will be cleared to work out when I hit 4 weeks.

Overall I feel really good.  I don't need to go back for another checkup until 3 months. 

Today is 2 weeks since I have had surgery and I'm feeling really good.  I went back to work yesterday and was promptly laid off.  Good news is I have more time to take care of myself.  Bad news is I'm unemployed! 

Things I have learned...

My pouch does not like water in the morning!  Hot tea is fine but plain room temperature water is no good! 

My pouch is not happy with dairy either.  Lots and lots of gas, ew and ow!  No yogurt for me!  Hopefully this will not be permanent!

Since going off the pain meds I struggle to get in all my water.  I sip all day and am getting in 50-60 ounces but it takes work!

I cant take the scale too seriously.  I am weighing myself every day and I have lost a lot very quickly, however its stuck over this week and I'm trying not to be upset by it.  Plateaus happen, after losing 30 pounds I'm sure this is the first of many.  Anyway, I'm only getting in less than 500 calories per day.  It would be impossible for me to be gaining!

Overall I feel really good.  We are having beautiful weather here in Washington and since I'm home I keep wanting to go outside and work in my garden.  I have to keep reminding myself that I'm still healing and I cant do those things right now.

I'm a wimp and this was the first major surgery I have ever had.  I was told that the hospital was very good at pain management so I wasn't too scared.  Now, I work at a Chemical Dependency Outpatient facility, and although I'm just the Finance Manager I have seen what drugs can do to a person, and a family.  Personally food has always been my drug of choice and I don't like how anything else (Pot, alcohol) makes me feel.  So when my Dr. said they would manage my pain I just went with it. 

Coming out of surgery I remember them asking me what my pain level was and I said 6-7.  They gave me something and my pain never went above maybe a 2-3, and even then it wasn't sharp and felt more like I had done 1,000,000 sit-ups and my muscles went mushy.  And, my bigger issue was nausea so as long as I wasn't heaving, I was happy.  My nurse came in every 4 hours and gave me a small cup with a little bit of liquid for pain.  She called it something with an "R" but I was still out of it and frankly didn't care.  When they sent me home they filled my prescription for anti-nausea medicine (which I never needed), a weeks worth of electrolytes and a bottle of liquid for pain.  Roxicet?  I think it was called.   Anyway, I started out diligently taking it every 4 hours.  The feelings I had I didn't really associate with pain but it helped me relax and sleep so I kept with it.  After a couple of days I stretched the time out between doses.  I would start feeling run down and achy after about 6 hours.  I talked with my hubby about it and we decided the Dr. gave it to me so I should keep taking it so I could keep active. 

Fast forward about a week.  I'm almost 2 weeks out.  I was going through my discharge papers and noticed that the pain medicine they gave me was another name for Oxycodone!  Wowza!  I didn't know I was on such serious stuff!  This really worried both my hubby and I so I went off of it.  I was only taking 5ml about 3 times a day and you know I actually went through withdrawals!  I cried, I feel like crap, I ached.  That medicine was masking every little thing I was going through.  It would make me feel good but when it started wearing off I felt bad again.  It took me 2 days to get over it and now I'm not taking anything.  Surprisingly I feel great!  My energy is up and my pain is just a dull ache (like I over did it in the garden).  I am finding it a little harder to get my liquids in and I'm not interested in food at all (before I would feel hungry) but all in all I feel much more clear headed and like I'm actually healing.

I'm sorry that this is so long.  The whole issue just really threw me for a loop.  I can see how easy it would be to get hooked on that stuff and how hard it would be to get away from it as well. 

Today is my first day eating pureed foods.  I was excited and nervous at the same time.  I made Cream of Wheat, homemade refried beans and egg custards.  Unfortunately I cooked the egg custard a little too much and it made a harder shell on the top.  Second bite I got some of the top and swallowed it before chewing.   OOPS!  I realized what I had done the moment I did it and stopped eating.  After about 10 minutes I started having some pain so I went to take a nap.  After about an hour or so I was getting hungry so I ate some refried beans and they pushed down whatever was feeling stuck.  So I feel pretty lucky.  Not gonna make that error again!

I'm still not eating much, still don't have much pain at all and am slowly getting my energy back.  The haze is finally starting to lift off my brain and I'm able to focus much better as well.  My incisions are all healing nicely.  I have very little to no bruising but its all itching so I must be healing!  The big bandages are off and all I have left is the tape.

I still have about a week left before going back to work and im glad for that.  My job is not strenuous but I'm not able to sit upright for long periods of times yet.

So far I am very happy I made the decision to have surgery.  No buyers remorse here!  Im trying to take it all very slow and not push anything.  Im so glad I did all the research I did beforehand so I don't feel like anything that is happening (gas, bathroom issues, etc...) is a surprise.  The weight is really melting off right now which is kinda freaky.  I started my pre-op diet at 288 and this morning I was 257.  That's 31 pounds in 2 weeks.  CRAZY!  I know its not always going to be like that, but im trusting my Doctors directions and the process and it will all come off in time. 

Surgery went very well.  I was surprisingly not scared or nervous going in.  Everyone at St. Francis Hospital was super nice and took great care of me.  My hubby was even able to stay with me the entire time.  They did end up keeping me for 2 nights because my blood pressure and pulse were way too high.  I was glad that they did too because I felt so much better that second day. 

Notes from the hospital:   I took very little and used almost none of it.  The hospital had everything I needed and I was in no mood to read.  Heparin shots hurt like hell and I had about 7 during the time I was in there.  My surgery was done laparoscopic Robotic and I woke up with two IV's and two blood pressure cuffs.  I also woke up with a catheter, but they took it out before I was taken to my room.  Urinating after did  burn but only for the first 3 or 4 times.  The hospital bed is not comfortable at all.  I couldn't seem to find a position where my back or butt wasn't sore.  I also had a really bad sore throat.  All the nurses would tell me is it was from being intubated, but I knew better.  Yes my throat was scratchy for a short time after waking from surgery, but the pain I was having was also accompanied with a really thick post nasal drip.  And the paid was higher than my throat, more behind my nose so I knew it was from the Oxygen.  The thick drip made me feel really nauseous and even gave me the dry heaves.  I had a case of the foamies once but mostly the heaving was non productive, although it did make me feel better.  The nurses tried to help by adding water to my oxygen but it didn't help enough.  Luckily it did start getting better once I didn't need the oxygen anymore.   My overall pain level was about a 5-6 right after surgery but stayed around a 2-3 while recovering.  The nausea was much more uncomfortable than the pain was. 

So now I'm home and I found its not so bad sleeping on my sides.  I can also get in and out of bed on my own with very little pain.  I'm getting all my water in and in another day or so Ill get to start back on protein shakes.  I don't have much in the way of Gas pains but my stomach finally woke up yesterday and boy is it talkative!  Also I have no hunger yet either.  My skin is itchy and not only at the incision sites.  A hot shower helped a bit, but I'm still itchy.

Today is my first full day at home.  Later on my mom and I are going to go to the mall to walk a bit.  Other than that I'm just gonna rest and sip my water today.

So, its not horrible.  Not fun, but not horrible.  I'm managing to stick to it as directed.  I'm so thankful I only have to do it for 7 days!  As long as I'm always drinking I can combat the hunger.  I've logged everything into myfitnesspal and have been keeping my calories between 650-750 per day.  Surprisingly my mood is pretty good although I'm tired.  My husband taking over all kitchen duties and not getting upset when I take my shake into the bedroom to watch TV while they eat has helped a lot as well.  Also having all my supplements in chew form gives me something to make me feel like I'm eating which helps as well.

2 more days till surgery.  Mom flies in on Sunday.  Its supposed to be a beautiful warm weekend here in WA but ill be stuck at work getting everything ready to be gone.

So I composed myself and had dinner with my family.  No it wasn't what I was looking for but it was good.  I ended it with a nice bowl of ice cream and now i'm done and ready for tomorrow.  Ill be taking before pictures and measurements before bed.  My food for tomorrow is all packed and ready to go.

Breathe in, breathe out.  Lather, rinse, repeat. 

Everything is ok.  Im doing the right thing and its all for the best. 

So its dinnertime the night before my 7 day liquid diet starts.  My wonderful husband has taken upon himself to take over all the cooking so I don't have to deal with food.  Unfortunately he decided to start this tonight and brought home chicken and rice and broccoli to cook for dinner.  Am I terrible that I don't want my final meal to be plain chicken, rice and broccoli?  I have spent the last week having my favorites.  I didn't go totally crazy but I didn't deprive myself of anything either.  So here I am bawling my eyes out like a baby, hiding in my room, because I don't want what he's serving.  I want something creamy and homey and filling.  At this point im at a loss to even take myself out to eat.  I don't know what I would want.  I just know whats being served here is not it. 

I feel like a whiney baby.  I need to put my big girl panties on and get the hell over it.  I know all the reasons I am doing this.  I know its going to be hard but  I can do it and I will succeed.  I know, I know, I know.    But right now, the eve before the start of this huge journey, I just want to indulge in that comfort one more time.