When you know you are powerless....

Nov 22, 2011

 My original reasons for not having surgery were many. I had doubts, many questions, far too many worries. Did I want to Cancel the surgery ? I wasn't sure. I got a call from the surgeon's nurse on the 11th and theat is when she said the doc thought I was an excellent candidate for weight loss surgery and I knew I had to drop the bomb. I was too scared to have surgery and found myself too scared to cancel it. But, I just blurted it out when she was in mid sentence. "I can't do it" !! After a very long chat she said that so many people call or even show up and decide to stop the procedure.

I knew after talking to her that I didn't want to cancel altogether. I postponed it till Jan 25th, 2012 I wanted the time to get it together and really be ready. I just couldn't do it because people would say "Oh you will be fine". My husband said"well it's up to you". I knew that financially we just couldn't do it right now. So, I guess it was a relief for everyone. For sure. I knew I felt better knowing I didn't have to jump. I know that I'm almost ready. 

I needed assurance that I couldn't lose it on my on and keep it off. I felt so good and was somewhat glib about the small weight loss I had. Well, I gained most of it back already! There it is....I don't want the surgery. I NEED IT!

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