Roza
"The only rose without thorns is the rose of friendship."
--- unknown
"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Thy sight, O Lord, my strength and my redeemer."
--- Psalm 19:14
"Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as ever you can."
--- John Wesley, English religious leader (1703 - 1791)
Pre-surgery 2003: In the winter of 1972/73, as a high school freshman, I had somehow seriously injured my back. I was out of school for three weeks and in physical therapy for three months. I gained thirty pounds that winter. That was also the winter that I discovered my favorite pain reliever: homemade crazy-million-dollar-wonder chocolate-cake, eaten on a regular basis. It was best served warm from the oven, slathered with a generous chunk of oleomargarine. My first ambitious diet and weight loss attempt was to lose thirty-five pounds. The diet plan included Carnation Instant Breakfast (chocolate flavor) for my morning meal, but the salad and fruit with my supper was the real trick.
I succeeded in losing about twenty-five pounds. Then I was up and down the same twenty pounds every year. I would gain through the fall and winter and lose over the spring and summer. Two years after the first attempt, I lost thirty-five pounds in ten weeks of summer by filling up with lots of iced tea, sweetened with Sweet 'N Low, and eating canned tuna straight from the can for breakfast. I avoided all forms of starch (except for the occasional treat of my own homemade pizza with double-thick crust made from scratch). You can see why my weight went up and down over those years.
Then gained 200 pounds in seven years time. I have been battling that gain for twenty years. There have been hundreds of diets over the years. I joined Weight Watchers three separate times, and TOPS twice. I used everything from the American Diabetic Diet, the Doctor's 1200 calorie diet, High Protein/Low Carb, High Carb/Low Fat, Atkins', The Carb Addict's diet, the Blood Type diet, Sugar Busters, and Vegetarianism. Each time I would lose but then regain every bit plus a little more.
My highest adult weight was 200 pounds heavier than my lowest adult weight, with my highest BMI ranking a 54. I lost 100 pounds fourteen years ago and re-gained it. Then I lost 70 pounds three years ago and regained that. My weight a year ago was 34 pounds heavier. I want to lose 150 more pounds and keep it off.
September 29, 2003: My first visit with Dr. Gens as a bariatric patient (He did my gall-bladder surgery 14 years ago). I was very upset to discover that I have lost 1 1/2" in height over the last thirty years. I thought my BMI was 47 but it is really 49!!! Dr. Gens says I need to lose 185 pounds from today's weight. I must lose 10% or 18 1/2 pounds before he will schedule the surgery. If I get it off, I may be having surgery in December.
November 10, 2003: I have lost the 18 1/2 pounds but cannot be fit into the schedule right now.
December 17, 2003: Four pounds! I keep re-gaining and losing the same four pounds! Everything else is done. I just need to get insurance authorization and a surgery date. It won't be December. All the surgeries have been pushed back.
February 3, 2003: M
My surgery date has been scheduled for March 2, 2004, @ Portsmouth Regional Hospital woth Dr. John Gens.
March 1, 2004: Tomorrow is surgery day. It has been a six-month struggle with the 10% weight loss of 18 1/2 pounds.
4 days post-op: I actually lost a total of 22 pounds before the morning of the surgery. That liquid pre-op diet got those extra four pounds off. Surgery was 2 1/2 hours: the first half-hour was clearing away scar tissue from the old gall-bladder removal, no big problems. In spite of the scar tissue, I was able to have laparoscopic. I don't know if it was RNY distal or RNY medial, but about 100 cm of intestine was by-passed. Thought I was going home in two days, but had a GI bleed to wait out and 5 pints of blood to take in. Asked them to weigh me on the way out the door. Gained 9 1/2 pounds in the hospital and it wasn't from eating!
one week post-op: They did not document that re-gain on the hospital chart so the chart at the Doctor's office did not reflect the re-gain at my one-week check-up, showing only a two pound loss since the day of surgery.
two week post-op: down six pounds since the day of surgery. Having terrible adhesion pain from those old scars. Otherwise doing well. Back to work part-time.
one month post-op: only down 12 pounds since the day of surgery-- disappointed. Working thirty to thirty-five hours a week. Going to the Gym regularly. Cleared for soft foods.
two month post-op: down 28 pounds since day of surgery. I'm not happy with the numbers. The Surgeon is. Still only protein foods and dairy. Going to the gym four days a week. Getting stronger @ the gym. I am excited to have bought my first new clothes and am down from a dress size 26/28 to a size 18/20. Haven't taken any of my pre-surgery prescriptions since pre-surgery.
three-month post-op: down about forty pounds from the day of surgery. The slow loss is discouraging but am down to a 16/18 dress size and am feeling more fit and am more active. Working thirty-five hours a week. Having trouble with edema and notice the scales going up and down two to four pounds every time I am swollen. Cleared for fruits and veggies, occasional starches only.
six month post-up: During June and July only lost six pounds total, having trouble with edema. Kept seeing the scales go up and down with the same five pounds every week. August I lost ten pounds in as many days. Am now down 68 pounds since the day of surgery, but 77 1/2 if you count the in-hospital gain. I prefer to say I am down 92 pounds since entering the program last year and over 120 pounds from 3 years ago. I was actually four pounds heavier today than last week, but have water retention right now (Oh well).
I am ok now with the slow weight loss, but only because I am down to a weight I have not seen in 25 years. I am now a 14/16 in dress size, and 16/18 in my capris. I am up to 45 minutes on the cross-trainer - doing three miles and burning over 400 calories. Started back to school. Working thirty-five hours and taking 12 credit hours, 6:00-9:30pm Monday-Thursday. Both the Surgeon and the Dietician are happy with my progress. My ideal weight is about seventy pounds away. Haven't seen that weight in thirty years! My realistic goal is sixty more pounds, but I would be content to lose forty more. Some days I still feel morbidly obese, other days I feel normal, and some days I feel as if this thirty year battle was just a very bad dream!
nine months post op: Still plugging away. Down 88 pounds since day of surgery, 97 1/2 since the in-hospital re-gain, 112 pounds less than the start of the program, and 144 lighter than three years ago. I am struggling to get to the gym regularly, and not doing very well at that. I am working full-time days, going to school full-time nights, and really am missing the support groups.
Just past Christmas: First Christmas in my whole life when I have lost weight and not gained! In a few days I will be at the ten month mark, but I have already noted a milestone, 150 lighter than my highest weight, and a new BMI of 30. Disappointed that I am not further down the scales at this point, but happy to be here.
ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY Still working full time and going to school nights. I really miss going to the support groups but my schedule doesn't allow it right now. I'm not getting to the gym, either. Still losing a pound or two a month. Have lost 8 pounds since my 9 month update. Went to the surgeon's office for my one year post-op follow up. He is pleased with everything but cautioned me that this is a crucial point where I could relapse or continue to succeed.
My biggest issues are 1) not eating regularly scheduled, relaxed, slow-paced meals, 2) not drinking enough water, 3) not getting to the gym, and 4) not getting to the support groups.
The meal thing is a big issue, because I don't have all the things that make a meal satisfying: the relaxation, the socialization, the satisfaction of a well-planned, well-balanced, variety of flavor, color, texture, temperature, that makes a few ounces seem like a feast. Instead, I am rushing, eating while fatigued and stressed, grazing, and feeling empty all the time, even when my stomach is in knots, or tight from that extra uncontrolled nibble.
I figure I have about thirty-five more pounds to lose, and some of that will be excess skin. I am still losing, but at a rate so slow that I will not get it off within the second year. I need to evaluate my priorities and get back on track. Just don't know how to alter my schedule to make everything fit.
May 3rd 2005: Tendered my resignation at my day job. Still going to school full-time nights. Need some time to concentrate on my priorities. Will explore a variety of career options during my final term practicum in July.
You can see more weight-loss pictures at my personal web page: http://rozaswebpage.tripod.com
Post Date: JANUARY 27 2010 8:19 am
NAME: Roza
AGE:51
DEMOGRAPHICS:female, married 31 yrs, (2 single adult children)
SURGERY DATE : 03/02/2004 (Roux en y)
LOCATION: NH
INITIAL LOSS:
Down 176 from highest pre-surgery weight ; 10 lbs from personal goal; 20 from average health chart recommendations. Reduced down to a size 10 Women's / Medium from a size 26/28 Women's / 4X.
SURGEON COMMENT: Pleased.
CURRENT REGAIN:
58 pounds As of 01/27/2010 : at nearly 6 yrs post op -- average about ten pounds per year. Back up to a size 16 Womwn's / XL
SURGEON COMMENT: Content with 20 lbs regain at 2 yrs post op. At last visit with 38 lb regain at 4 1/2 yrs post op "You know what to do to correct this."
ANYTHING WIERD SINCE SURGERY? :
1.) Still have food intolerances even this far out (most meats, most raw fruits and vegetables, pasta and rice), cannot mix food categories and must eat separatly to digest, and still regularly lose my supper
2.) Had two metabolism tests, a year apart, that documented my metabolism had dropped significantly (dropped from 1580 to 1110). My nutritionist would not allow me to reduce my intake below 1200 calories a day, and when I tried to doso anyway, I could not stick to it anyway.
3.) May be unrelated, but 2 years postop developed excruciating leg spasms accompanied by Vasovagal syndrome
DIET VICE:
1.) Malabsorption deficiencies and Dissatisfaction with food choices leads to Food cravings, Head Hunger, Grazing regularly, Skipping frequently, and Binging occasionally.
2.) The easiest thing to keep down is ice cream.
3.) Lack of regular exercise.
VITAMINS?
OTC: 2 daily
of each: Iron 65mg (Ferrous Sulfate 325mg), Vitamin B Complex /c 100mg Thiamin, Vitamin C 500mg chewables,Children's Chewable Multivitamins, Enteric Coated Omega-3 Fish Oil 1200mg softgels, 2 tsps daily Benefiber, 4 daily: Calcium, D3, & K, (500mg,1000IU, 50mcg) Chews and Rx: Vitamin D 50,0000units, twice weekly.
OTHER MEDICAL ISSUES SINCE SURGERY?
1.) Long list of medical issues resolved, i.e.: BP, Hyperlipidemia, etc.
2.) Discontinued all five prescription and two daily OTC medications.
3.) Soon returned to Rx Prevacid for GERD, when resuming normal diet.
4.) Still have lower extremity Edema but no longer use Rx diuretics.
5.) Arthritic flare ups and debillitating FMS/CFS symptoms disappeared but gradually returned, escalating in direct proportion to regain, to the point where I am taking OTC pain relief regularly and am considering requesting a returnin to RX pain relief - which aggravates GERD and increases Edema.
6.) VERY DISAPPOINTED WITH MYSELF AND DISCOURAGED
GOALS:
1.) Adopt a healthy food and exercise plan and stick to it.
2.) Lose at least 40 pounds of the 58 regained, more if possible.
3.) Return to a size 12 and comfortably stay there.
NOVEMBER 1, 2010
I admit that I have not been using the tools given to me. I have reverted to my old compulsive behaior. I went online to find OA this morning. I stepped on the scales yesterday, and I have regained sixty-four pounds.
NOVEMBER 2, 2010
Did not abstain yesterday or today.
THE REST OF WEEK ONE NOVEMBER 3 THROUGH NOVEMBER 7, 2010
November 3, 2010DAY ONE OF ABSTINENCE:
Just For Today I am abstaining from all flours, sugars; I am limiting my sodium and fat intake; I am making healthy food choices. Just For Today I will NOT step on the scales. Just For Today I will pray to my Lord, recite my scripture verses, and rely on the Holy Spirit's strength to accomplish my goals For Today. November 3 at 7:17am
November 4, 2010
DAY TWO:
Day One was a success! Now for Day Two : Just For Today I will repeat Day One, PLUS: Just For Today, I will record my intake. Thursday at 7:30am
Survived Teen Book Group tonight and did not eat even a crumb of pizza crust, not a morsel of pizza topping, not a nibble of nachos, not a lick of ice cream, not a sip of soda. Pheeew! Made sure those kids took every last bite home in doggy bags -- except the ice cream - I divided the whole carton between all of them! YES! Sipping tea right now, tired, but wired! Thursday at 10:58pm
November 5, 2010DAY THREE: :
I am enjoying three small victories this morning!
ONE: the multiple Fast-Food Chain breakfast commercials during the morning news program are NOT triggering any reaction!
TWO: I am not panicking as I pause to ponder what I will choose for breakfast this morning - and I have been pondering this for an hour already.
THREE: The crunching sound of three Three kittens in their cat chow and one chubby cocker at his kibble, has not sent me scavenging the cupboards for something to crunch! Friday at 7:10am ·
My chubby cocker spaniel is very upset with me! This is the third morning without his breakfast snack (no crusts)! He does not like this! He has actually whined and sassy-growled (he is never mean - just vocal), and to prove his point he left off his kibble and dropped down on the floor with a ka-thump and a huuuuge disgusted sigh!!! To make matters worse yet for him : Sonny cat stole his dog bed and he can't even find comfort there! Friday at 7:21am
Sipping a CIB for my breakfast : two packets of sugar-free Carnation Instant Breakfast, stirred into one cup of skim-milk. I will save my last sugar-free high-protein bar for lunch! Can you believe Sam is sitting here begging for my CIB. I could let him lap the cup when I finish ... NAH ! ... And I will not be home at lunch - so he won't get a bite of my protein bar either. Poor Sam! =b Friday at 8:41am
QUOTE: " Behold the fowls of the air : for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them ... Therefore take no thought , saying, What shall we eat?, or what shall we drink? ... But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you." -- excerpts from the gospel of Matthew chapter 6. Friday at 8:19amNovember 6, 2010
DAY FOUR: :
Today is my birthday. Went to supper at my Mom's last night! Sliced the bread but did not eat it. Blew out the candle, sliced and served the cake, but did not eat it. Skipped the ice cream too, as it was not sugar free. I did not feel deprived. I opened my gifts while Mom and Lee enjoyed dessert, then I had a cup of coffee. Later at home, had a protein bar and a cup of tea before bed. Saturday at 8:09am
This morning I am happy to say "No birthday cake for me today." Hope I feel that way at bedtime. Harvest Supper at church tonight. Using up the bread in the freezer to make a bread pudding. I will abstain from eating it. I can behave in public. The real test will be after I get home tonight. Hope I bring home an empty dish! Saturday at 8:20am
Brought the empty bowl home --- with a plastic tub of some breading pudding for Lee. I can't see though the tub and I hid it on the bottom shelf behind the beef stew. Maybe he will be nice and eat it before I am tempted. Saturday ·8:30pm
I talked on the phone half the day, first with my son, and then with my foster sister, then with a wrong number that I was sure was my son trying to pull one over on me, and then with my daughter! I did all this while peeling and chopping,... searing and sauteing, and stirring and scraping. I simmered a cast iron pot of beef stew on the woodstove, baked a big dish of raisin bread pudding in the electric oven, and mixed up a pint of lemon sauce on the range. Then we took iit all to Harvest Supper at church tonight and had a great time and talked, and laughed, and sang and counted our blessings ! (And I abstained from the flours and the sugars :D ) Saturday 9:00pm
November 7, 2010
DAY FIVE:
Just For Today I stepped on the scales for the first time in one week. I determined ahead of time to only weigh one day a week. I determined that I would not weigh multiple times per day. I determined that the weigh-in would be for information and awareness, and that my success was not dependent upon numbers but on... following my food abstinence plan. I am DOWN 5.8 pounds. YES! Sunday, 7:45am
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SECOND WEEK OF LIVING ONE DAY AT A TIME ~ JUST FOR TODAYDAY SIX of ABSTINENCE
NOVEMBER 8, 2010 9:42 pm
My name is Roza. I am a compulsive overeater. I had weight loss surgery, gastic bypass roux-en-y, on 03/02/2004. I lost 176 pounds in the first 18 months and regained about ten pounds each year over the following three years and then thirty pounds over the last eighteen months, for a total of over sixty pounds of regain.
Last week I had to face the fact that I was not using the tools that I have been given, and I had reverted to my old compulsive behavior. I went online to find OA and joined some online groups on November 1st and have been abstinent since November 3rd.
My journal entry for today:
NOVEMBER 8, 2010 Monday 9:00am
Just For Today
I will pray to my Lord, recite my scripture verses, and rely on the Holy Spirit's strength to accomplish my goals For Today.
I have determined ahead of time to only weigh one day a week, on Sunday mornings at 7:30 am. I have determined that I will not weigh multiple times per day. I have determined that my weigh-ins will be for information and awareness, and that my success will not be dependent upon numbers, but on following my food abstinence plan.
Just For Today I will not eat compulsively. I will make healthy food choices. I will limit my sodium and fat intake. I will use discretion and moderation in portion size.
Because of my WLS, a moderate portion for me is defined as two ounces or 1/4 cup. Just For Today I will think out my food combinations to avoid blockage. Just For Today, I will not push the limits of my WLS, forcing my body to reject my choices. If I do this today, my chance of miscalculation or misjudgment is slim.
To avoid triggering a carbohydrate craving, I will abstain from all flours and sugars. I will limit my use of stevia and artificial sweeteners. I will limit my fruit servings to two small, unsweetened servings. I will limit my starch to selections from my carbohydrate safe-list. My carbohydrate safe-list Just For Today will include root vegetables, corn, peas, beans, lentils, or rice.
I will guard my mouth from taking in any thoughtless morsel or careless tidbit. I will not eat mindlessly. I will eat only on purpose. I will weigh and measure portions or choose pre-measured portions whenever possible, and track my intake to reinforce this principle.
Just For Today, if I should honestly miscalculate or misjudge in my choices, and my body, of its own accord, ejects my choices, I will simply let my body rest. I will not soothe myself with more food. I will purposely wait until the next scheduled eating time before eating again. I will use the opportunity to drink more water.
I will not drink carbonated beverages which stretch the stomach and then leave it feeling empty. I will drink more water and limit my coffee and tea, lest I get dehydrated and mistake thirst for hunger.
I will choose an enjoyable exercise plan that I may set into motion with comfort and ease, and implement daily in conjunction with my daily food abstinence plan. I will use consideration in my choices to compensate for my multiple joint arthritis, scoliosis, degenerative (dark) disc disease, spinal compression/multiple herniation, and chronic, daily, musculo-skeletal health issues. I will think ahead plan for moderation and consistency to work with my FMS/CFS/MPS/EBV.
I will not baby, coddle, or pamper myself. I will not be compulsive in my endeavors. I will not over-tax my stamina. I will not consider myself a failure if I cannot do as much as I anticipate. I will not allow myself to become frustrated. I will make adjustments as needed. I will modify the plan as often as necessary to allow me to continue consistently. I will not give up.
I will not obsess about the old habits that brought me to this day. I will not worry about the temptations that may face me tomorrow. I do not have any willpower. If I fail it is because I have neglected to pray, or I did not really mean it when I did pray.
Just For Today I will pray to my Lord, recite my scripture verses, and rely on the Holy Spirit's strength to accomplish my goals Just For Today. SELA. AMEN. 11.08.2010 Monday 9:00am
About Me
Before & After
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