Roza

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Between age 18 and 25 I had gained 200 lbs and my highest adult weight was 336. I had to lose a percentage before surgery and got down to 285 the day of the GBP RNY, at age 46.

In the Before and After photographs in October 2003 and 2004 I was 304 and 190, respectively. My goal was 150. I went on to lose thirty more pounds by the 18th-month post-op, though I never hit my goal. That was the healthiest I had felt in my adult life. I was 47, working full-time, went back to college full-time (maintained a 4.0), and was at the gym 5 mornings a week.

I only stayed at that low weight for a couple of weeks and started the deceptively slow and harmless regain of about ten pounds a year while eating less than 1000 calories a day and struggling with chronic vomiting of any solid foods.  I now believe that all of this was a direct result of the scar tissue growth and permanent nerve damage from the surgical alteration of my gastrointestinal tract.

Over the next seven years, I had regained seventy pounds up to a weight of 230 in 2011 and lost down to 160 in 2013, after a serious illness culminated with a gastric pouch perforation. I had emergency surgery with lots of complications, two hospital stays, six weeks of medical leave, and six months of intense medical follow-up. I lost down to 160 again but regained to 170 as soon as I resumed solid food. I regained back up to 219 by 2018 and lost down to 180 after a second perforation, emergency surgery, and brief hospital stay.

Between 2018 and 2021, I gained and lost, gained and lost, between 170 and 212, back and forth, up and down, continually.    I constantly struggled with the effects of chronic vomiting and dehydration and chronic constipation, belly pain, weight gain, and bloat.

Last year, at this time, I was up to 212. In June I was 205 when I started a food detox and food reintroduction program with a holistic practitioner. Between June and October, I got down to 160. Since then, my average weight is now, 165, and fluctuates from 163 to 168 weekly. I eliminated gluten, sugar, and processed oils. I am dairy-free and eat low-glycemic, low-FODMAP foods. I live on soups, shakes, and soft mashed/purees.  Fifty percent of my caloric intake is healthy fat. I limit grain, omit white potato, and avoid processed foods.

This time I truly believe that I have lost the final weight. I do not think I will ever see 150 again, but I can see my collar bones and hip bones and feel my ribs under the saggy, baggy, excess skin. At 63, I am finally becoming comfortable with my adult body. I still deal with regular vomiting, though less frequent, and chronic constipation, though less severe. My sleep is somewhat better and I feel that I am getting stronger, little by little. 

It is difficult to acknowledge that it has been over eighteen years since my GBP-RNY.  Where did the time go? After nine years of denial.  Even as I experienced life-threatening complications, I never regretted my decision for the surgery.

Three years ago, I came to the point where I had to give up my quest for a "normal" life ever again.  That is the point when I first said, I wish I had never done this and I would never recommend it for anyone else.  I truly hope that the newer procedures are no-risk. 

Ten months ago, I finally accepted my gastroparesis/esophageal and colon dysmotility/chronic ulcers /chronic vomiting/chronic constipation/continued chronic severe GERD/IBS/SIBO and continued struggle with weight GAIN despite limited caloric intake and chronic vomiting.  I went to a holistic practitioner for assistance with detox and food reintroduction and after seven months, finally found a plan that I can manage. 

I sleep a little better and have less GI flares.  I lost forty pounds, am at my lowest adult weight, and have stayed steady for five months.  Both of these are "firsts" since my surgery in March 2004. 

I was able to eliminate gluten and sugar and all fats except for coconut oil and whole-food plant-based fat sources, like mashed avocado and nut butter. I found that limiting grains and increasing healthy fats helped.  I live on plant-protein shakes, homemade, three-ingredient-or-less, soups, purees, and puddings that are dairy-free, gluten-free, low-glycemic, GERD/ulcer friendly, and low-FODMAP.

I still help my hubby with his BBQ catering and I still love to cook and bake.  If you stumble across this profile and have questions, my Facebook page is now https://www.facebook.com/rozabenoit.1.  I am on Messenger.  God bless.

JUST FOR TODAY

I will pray to my Lord, recite my scripture verses, and rely on the Holy Spirit's strength to accomplish my goals For Today.

I have determined ahead of time to only weigh one day a week, on Sunday mornings at 7:30 am.   I have determined that I will not weigh multiple times per day. I have determined that my weigh-ins will be for information and awareness, and that my success will not be dependent upon numbers, but on following my food abstinence plan.

Just For Today I will not eat compulsively.  I will make  healthy food choices.   I will limit my sodium and fat intake.  I will use discretion and moderation in portion size.

Because of my WLS,  a moderate portion for me is defined as two ounces or 1/4 cup.  Just For Today I will think out my food combinations to avoid blockage.  Just For Today, I will not push the limits of my WLS, forcing my body to reject my choices.   If I do this today, my chance of miscalculation or misjudgment is slim.  

To avoid triggering a carbohydrate craving,  I will abstain from all flours and sugars.  I will limit my use of stevia and artificial sweeteners.   I will limit my fruit servings to two small, unsweetened servings.  I will limit my starch to selections from my carbohydrate safe-list.  My carbohydrate safe-list Just For Today will include root vegetables, corn, peas, beans, lentils, or rice.  

I will guard my mouth from taking in any thoughtless morsel or careless tidbit.  I will not eat mindlessly.  I will eat only on purpose. I  will weigh and measure portions or choose pre-measured portions whenever possible, and track my intake to reinforce this principle. 

Just For Today, if I should honestly miscalculate or misjudge in my choices, and my body, of its own accord, ejects my choices, I will simply let my body rest.  I  will not soothe myself with more food.  I will purposely wait until the next scheduled eating time before eating again.  I will use the opportunity to drink more water. 

I will not drink carbonated beverages which stretch the stomach and then leave it feeling empty.  I will drink more water and limit my coffee and tea, lest I get dehydrated and mistake thirst for hunger. 

I will choose an enjoyable exercise plan that I may set into motion with comfort and ease, and implement daily in conjunction with my daily food abstinence plan.  I will use consideration in my choices to compensate for my multiple joint arthritis, scoliosis, degenerative (dark) disc disease, spinal compression/multiple herniation, and chronic, daily, musculo-skeletal health issues.  I will think ahead  plan for moderation and consistency to work with my FMS/CFS/MPS/EBV.  

I will not baby, coddle, or pamper myself.  I  will not be compulsive in my endeavors.  I will not over-tax my stamina. I will not consider myself a failure if I cannot do as much as I anticipate.  I will not allow myself to become frustrated.  I will make adjustments as needed.  I will modify the plan as often as necessary to allow me to continue consistently.   I will not give up. 

I will not obsess about the old habits that brought me to this day.  I will not worry about the temptations that  may face me tomorrow.  I do not have any willpower.  If I fail it is because I have neglected to pray, or I did not really mean it when I did pray. 

Just For Today I will pray to my Lord, recite my scripture verses, and rely on the Holy Spirit's strength to accomplish my goals Just For Today.     SELA.  AMEN.   composed by Roza 9:00am 11.08.2010