Stepping out in public

Yeah, I always try to take people at their best, and look for the intent behind their words.  A lot of folks have trouble expressing themselves, and I can be in that crowd myself.  So unless they are demonstrably rude or mean, as you say, I give them the benefit of the doubt.  Heck, sometimes even when they ARE rude, I just let it go.  At least, I try to.  

Thank you everyone, for your kind words!  I have enjoyed my work (most of the time) and hope to produce lots more before I hang it up.  

As for the comment and my reaction, I guess that is just one of my hot buttons.  I know people mean well, and I receive it in the spirit it is given.  But it bothers me.  I thought about it some (more) today, and I think what it is, is when they say that, I am hearing "Aren't you glad you finally decided not to be fat anymore?" or "Aren't you amazed at how nice it is not to be a big fat lazy slob?"  I feel like saying, "Yeah, I was fat - REAL fat - but I was leading an active and relatively healthy life!"

I know that isn't the intent, but something in the tone just sets my nerves on edge.  I have lots of experience in left handed compliments though, so I just grit my teeth, smile, and focus on their intent rather than how it sounded.  

I totally need client gifts.  Do I get a discount because I "knew" you before and never asked you how much better you feel?

My pet peeve?

"How does your husband feel about your weight loss?"  I don't care, I didn't ask him.

and to the same tune

"I bet your husband is thrilled!"  Uhmmm.  He'd be happier if I disappeared all together many days, but...

 

ASSHATS.

 Yes!!! I forgot about the husband comments!!! I had a male co-worker that knew me when I was skinny at 19 years old, gained 125 lbs over a few years, lost 125 lbs, got married, then gained it all back again. Now that I'm losing the weight again co-worker asked what my husband thinks about it and if he knew he married a 10...like a score. I said um, yes, we got married when I was skinny but he loves me either way! ASSHAT! That is why I didn't tell my co-workers about having surgery. They are male chauvinist and are proud of it!

I am pretty sure we can work something out.  I will contact you via a back channel.  I don't know if anyone has asked Mrs. LittleBill about it.  Most of the people she sees every day rarely see me, and most of them are afraid of me for some odd reason.  Then again, she is meek and mild, and they are a little scared of her, too.  

And "OH MY GAWD -----  YOU LOST A TON!!!"

Well, no.  I really wasn't the size of a baby elephant but thanks?

Yeah. "I haven't lost my muscles or my temper yet.  Would you like to see that happen?"  I haven't gotten to that point yet, but I do have a funny story related to my woodturning, a demo at this club, and a guy who just wouldn't play nice.  Imagine that, huh?  Me with a funny story.  

Whenever someone gave me the "You've lost a ton!" line, I told them "No, it was just a little over an eighth of a ton, but thanks."

Okay, here is a funny story about people, responses to things they say, and it is all related to this very club where I demoed last night.  This event took place quite a few years ago, and I have since gotten back to a good relationship with the antagonist in this particular event.

It was January of 2006, and I had just done a demonstration for this same club.  Many people came up to me afterwards to tell me how much they had enjoyed it.  One person conspicuously missing from that group was the president.  But he was a crusty old engineer type, so I wasn't really expecting anything from him.    

The next morning, I got some coffee, and sat down at my computer to check my email.  I had one from George, the president. I thought to myself, "Well, George was kind enough to write me and say thank you after all".  I was wrong. 

George had written me to inform me that I had not paid my dues for the coming year, and I needed to pay them.  It took me aback somewhat, but I wrote him back and explained that I had probably just forgotten to pay them, as I belonged to several organizations, and did not always remember who I paid and who I still owed.  Then, being being the merry wag that I am, I made a bit of a joke.  I wrote, "Besides, Jim said he would take my membership out of my demo fee".  Now at this time, my club did not pay demo fees to members who did demos, regardless of their standing in the world at large.  And I was fine with that.  

The next morning, I got my coffee, sat down at my computer, and lo and behold, I had another email from George.  In very blunt terms, he wrote the following...

"We do not pay our members to demonstrate, and you still owe your dues."

Now I was angry.  I wrote him back saying, "Well now you've got a real problem.  You just told me in writing that you don't pay members.  AND, you have indicated that since I haven't paid my dues, I am not a member anymore.  Where is my demo fee?"

That sent him into orbit.  He wrote all the other board members telling them that now I was demanding a demo fee.  Jim, the VP mentioned above, called me on the phone to assure me that they were putting a check in the mail that day.

"Jim, you don't have to do that! You know I don't want a fee.  I am just twisting George's tail a bit!"

"Yeah, I know that, but I have been arguing for years that we need to pay our members the same as we pay anyone else.  And don't worry about the membership dues.  We'll take care of that."

A month went by.  I saw George in another place, and he did not say a word to me about the issue, although we discussed a few other things.  The next morning, I got my coffee, blah blah blah. I had another email from George.

"If you do not pay your dues immediately, we are going to revoke your membership privileges."

WTF!?!?!  WTF!?!?!  WTF!?!?!

I wrote him back.  I said, "Go ahead and REVOKE them!  And when people ask why I am not coming around anymore, tell them I have a giant hemorrhoid, and when it is gone, I will be back.  Please tell me when your term of president is up so I can mark it on my calendar.  When you are done, I will come back to the club.

I became somewhat of a Robin Hood type of hero, standing up to George.  People laughed over the story, and my outlaw standing in the club.  But eventually, someone else took over, and I was received back into the club again.  I even made nice with George.  So this story has a happy ending all around.  

I was really delighted when someone told me I looked really healthy. I thought that was actually a pretty good compliment. After all, I had been busting my butt to improve my health.

I've had a few dumbass comments, but as Grim said, most really glad for us but lack the radar for what is and isn't appropriate. Once people get used to the new you, the comments stop.