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Well, last post was in July. I remember feeling so depressed then. With the awful remarks from my surgeon. Feeling helpless and sad. Two years after my band and well on my way to gaining it all back. It is so much harder to lose it and then gain it back...then to just stay fat and never know what it feels like to lose.  I have posted on this website about maybe trying to find a new surgeon, either to help me to manage THIS BAND...or to help me see about getting a revision.  It seems that there are others out there, that have had less then positive experiences with Dr. Geiss.  They have gone to new doctors and started losing again! I will be on vacation next week, and during that time i will set up appointments with new doctors and see if this is MY failure, or my doctors.  I assume it will be mine but, i can only hold out  a little bit of hope that it actually IS possible this isn't entirely MY FAULT!  I am crossing my fingers.

I would say that I have now only lost a total of 25 lbs. The smallest clothes I had bought when I lost the most, do not fit me anymore. Being overweight was always hard but never did it DEVASTATE me as it does now. Now I feel like i dont want to put on makeup or care what clothes I wear because no matter what, I feel HUGE and UGLY. I have become depressed over this at times. to have lost weight...and then gained it back, i dont know how to deal with this. It hurts so bad.  I went to Dr. Geiss to talk about a possible revision to a different type of surgery and it was awful. He actually told me it is all my fault and if I failed at the lap band then I would also fail at a gastric bypass! he made me feel WORSE then I already did! They told me to go see a psychiatrist!! I was so offended and more upset when i left there, IN TEARS. I don't think I will ever go back to Dr. Geiss's office again. I believe he is in this ONLY for money. He is more of a salesman then a surgeon and it makes me sick to my stomach. I recently went to one of those "beginners' meetings they hold once a month, and it left me ANGRY not MOTIVATED! They tell everyone the reason they keep on eating is because theyre stomach is too big, with the lap band you won't be hungry anymore! Thats just BULLSHIT. It is now 2 years since my surgery and through being STARVING, to being overfilled and not able to eat anything but soup...i am SOOOO done with this. i want another surgery and I won't go back to Dr. Geiss. I have wasted 2 years of my life.  My question still remains unanswered..."If had had willpower and control over what I ate in the first place, why would I have needed to get SUGERY???" Still noone has answered this question for me. I am now beginning my journey of researching other forms of WLS. Wish me luck...

Seems that this lap-band thing was just another yo-yo type diet. I have lost about 50 pounds, give or take a week.   but I konw I won't lose anymore. I just stay the same, doing the same things. Now i can eat, and i do eat, often. Thats the problem. I can't go like 3 hours without food. I eat every 30 mins i guess, or so... I dont really know. I just know that I am done. I am greatful to have lost something. I have a pair of pants that are a size 18..instead of 26! but, still, i wanted more. I still want more. But I don't think it will come from having this band. It is not enough of a help for me. I guess I am just way beyond that. I am now considering revision surgery. My boyfriend thinks it is too risky. and i am scared to death. but i dont know what else to do!!! This really sucks.

I guess I have given up. It's SOOO much work to lost weight. It's a lot easier to just eat around the band. I eat ice cream every day!  and soup almost every day for lunch. Also eat a lot of beans. Sometimes I can't eat anything else though. Solid food is SOOO hard to eat. it's easier to eat mushy foods. I am confused and frustrated. Today I have been tracking calories again but, who knows how long that will last. I have gained weight. Now i am 239.5.  I am tired of this. I wish I can gotten the other surgery, maybe one day i will.

So now it is October 6th and I am still having trouble eating. I am on a mushy/liquid diet. Anything else usually makes me throw up! and I KNOW that I have been throwing up too often and I am scared to lose my band...and also sacred to get an unfill! It's been so hard to lose the little bit that I have lost! I dont even know what to do! I'm so frustrated, again.

Well seems the last fill really 'kicked in' and now, I am barely able to eat!!!  I havent even gotten back to solid foods since the fill has kicked in. I don't know if this is how it is supposed to be. But I couldnt eat my soup for lunch today (or dinner last night). granted, it WAS thick soup but still, its SOUP! . I can eat things like dry cereal and chips. hard crunchy food.-weird! mushy food gets stuck easier! I tried to eat egg salad on sunday and oooooooooh boy! I threw it up after about 45 minutes of chest pain! not good at all! Good news is, the scales is moving and I am 235 now. I am not sure if I am too tight but, for now, I am going to stay this way. see if i can make it into the 220s!!!

Wow-It has been over a year. I have had about 6 fills. and Still weight in at 239.5. I have only lost about 50 lbs and i am not satisfied with that. I am frustrated and upset. I AM happy about how I look compared to BEFORE...but compared to what I COULD be, I am not happy. I had this fill less then a week ago so let me give it a good 2 weeks to see if it is really going to kick in. I do wonder if the'sweet spot' actually exists! I still feel hungry a lot. I can not just eat a meal, and then don't eat till the next, its IMPOSSIBLE! If i had the willpower to do that i would have never been this heavy in the first place! I try to make good food choices most of the time but I can't eat only 1000-1200 calories per day. its next to impossible! I am trying to be good this week. Next week I am going to step it up, get to the gym more and count every single BITE that I eat. If the band won't work on it's own, it is going to be up to me to do it. Problem is, I am 31 and so far I have not been able to do it on my own so what would make this time any different?

Well I realize my last post was April. So, here we go. In MAY I went to Jamaica. I lost 10 pounds while I was there. Since I have been back I have put back on those 10 pounds. It seems that for me, getting even below 200 pounds will NEVEr happen. It is an impossible journey that I am not strong enough to make. I know I am not always the PERFECT bandster, but c'mon..sometimes I am jsut sick of counting and tracking every freaking BITE and getting up at 5am just to make it to the gym. Not to mention the HUGE expense of the trainer. What can I do? I got another fill last week on the 22nd. Maybe the problem is that I am not tight enough so that is why It is easy enough for me to break the rules. I dont really know, I just know that I am frustrated and TIRED of the scale the never moves. Maybe this is as far as I will go with this journey...about 55 lbs (give or take, depending on the day)

It appears that the scale is moving, slowly moving down. finally. I have upped my gym time going more often and trying to work harder when there. Also, this week, I have been very tight. I am not sure if it is the last fill kicking in, or maybe its just PMS, not sure but, I have been eating less lately so, i just hope that the fill kicked in, and that I can continue losing. I am scared to post or talk about it because I feel that i will JINX it and the scale will start going back up! It took SOOOOO long to really get below 250 and I know it will take just ONE off day to go back over 250. I can't wait until 250 is SO FAR OUT OF MY SIGHT that I don't have to worry about hitting it if I eat a little extra one day.  I feel like my body is this weight loss security guard that KNOWS when i am going to lose a pound, and FORBIDS IT!  so, if i keep on secretly eating less, going to the gym more, tip toeing and whispering behind my body's back, maybe i can lose the weight before my body realizes what happened!!!!!

he wants me to "test" this fill tomorrow by measuring out 2 cups of cottage cheese or cooked oatmeal (NOT solid protein, which tends to get stuck too easily), then eating it until I feel too full to eat any more.  Then measure what's left (if anything) to determine what my stomach capacity is.  If I can eat more than 1 cup, I don't have adequate restriction.  Then he wants me to do the test again a few days before my next appt. (in 4 weeks) and see if my capacity has changed.

 

INTERESTING..I THINK I WILL TRY THIS TEST TOMORROW!