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Wow. I looked at my profile page and now I KNOW I am barely losing anything. 2 months ago I posted that I had lost 40 lbs. I am STILL at 40 lbs. I KNOW I am not doing all the right things but, I also thought that having the band would really HELP me! Sometimes, I feel like it is NOT helping. When I have the strong enough will power to make ALL good choices, then I start losing again. But, when I am week, and not on my 'best behavior' then what! then i start to gain again. I have been bouncing back and forth between 255 and 250 for months! I was down to like 247 when i spent a week in Guatemala but went straight back up again. I had my second fill on friday (4 days ago) but I am still waiting for it to kick in. So far, I havent noticed ANY difference! Still feeling hungry. Some of that old me is back and wanting to eat as much as I can, whenever I can get away with it. Havent been to the gym in a month. I am really not doing well. But, I have been ignoring it. Pretending that I am doing fine. But now, as I write all of this, I realize, that I am NOT ok and NOT fine. and I need to get back on track. Now, i just hope this small fill .22 will kick in soon and really get this journey moving. if not, i will go for another fill, and SOON! I am going to upload one of my pics from Guatemala. I hope that I can see the difference,  because so far, it is so hard for me to see it! I know that now, other people can, but I want MORE!! and I know that some of my clothes and just about too big for me to wear but I want MORE. I want ALL my clothes not to fit anymore! I want EVERYONE to notice. I want MORE. I am pretty frustrated now.

I weighed myself this morning. It said 254.5! WOW. I started this at 295!!! I am now 40 pounds less!!! Thats the weight of my small microwave!!!!  Sometimes I think I feel a little different, then I tell myself its nothing. Imagine carrying around a small microwave for years, then one day, someone takes it away? What a relief! But if if day by day they took out a chip of it, or a screw, or a button, then you'd hardley notice at all!!!

I went to the doc last night. She said I lost 16 lbs in less then 4 weeks and so she won't fill me just yet. I know I have been doing a lot of work. Gyms, watching everything I eat, etc. I think it is more MY work and not the band at this point. although the band DOES stop me from eating too quickly but, the amount I can eat, is way more then I think I should be able to. Anyway, I may be going to Guatemala next month so, I guess it is better I don't have SUPER restriction while I am away in a country without superior medical support. I made my next appointment for when I return, December 10th. I think by then I will really be ready for a fil. I guess we will have to wait and see. I am scared to gain more weight in the next 6 weeks though. I have done so good so far, I don't want to fall back. It will be kinda heartbreaking. Oh, by the way, I FINALLY know what size band I have inside! Its a 10cm Band that takes 4CC's and I think I am filled so far with 1.5cc.

Well, good and bad news.  Good new is, I am losing again! The scale has finally started moving. I think that is partly because of fitday.com and keeping track of everything that i eat. every single little tiny bite! Also, my band is suddenly tighter! i dont know why! i think its because it is almost my TOM. I dont know but I have heard everyone else saying they get tighter during their TOM too so, i guess that could be the reason. Can't really eat too much of anything. I do ok with oatmeal but even soup with lots of stuff in it, got stuck! I am tired of feeling PAIN AND DISCOMFORT! I just want to lose weight! I thought that I was supposed to feel FULL with the band and that is how you dont eat too much. I didn't know it would be PAIN making you stop eating. Maybe if I knew that I wouldnt have done this to myself! I am feeling a little scared that I will be eating this way forever! I don't know. I guess that is just something else to discuss at the support group on Tuesday.

I HAVE OFFICIALLY LOST 33 LBS TODAY. AND i GOT ONE OF THESE!! WAY TO GO ME!

How Much Weight Have You Lost?

Your weight loss =

1 pound = a Guinea Pig
1.5 pounds = a dozen Krispy Kreme glazed donuts
2 pounds = a rack of baby back ribs
3 pounds = an average human brain
4 pounds = an ostrich egg
5 pounds = a Chihuahua
6 pounds = a human skin
7.5 pounds = an average newborn
8 pounds = a human head
10 pounds= chemical additives an American consumes each year
11 pounds = an average housecat
12 pounds = a Bald Eagle
15 pounds = 10 dozen large eggs
16 pounds = a sperm whale�s brain
20 pounds = an automobile tire
23 pounds = amount of pizza an average American eats in a year
24 pounds = a 3-gallon tub of super premium ice cream
25 pounds = an average 2 year old
30 pounds = amount of cheese an average American eats in a year
33 pounds = a cinder block
36 pounds = a mid-size microwave
40 pounds = a 5-gallon bottle of water or an average human leg
44 pounds = an elephant�s heart
50 pounds = a small bale of hay
55 pounds = a 5000 BTU air conditioner
60 pounds = an elephant�s penis
66 pounds = fats and oils an average American eats in a year
70 pounds = an Irish Setter
77 pounds = a gold brick
80 pounds = the World�s Largest Ball of Tape
90 pounds = a newborn calf
100 pounds = a 2 month old horse
111 pounds = red meat an average American eats in a year
117 pounds = an average fashion model (and she�s 5�11�!)
118 pounds = the complete Encyclopedia Britannica
120 pounds = amount of trash you throw away in a month
130 pounds = a newborn giraffe
138 pounds = potatoes an average American eats in a year
140 pounds = refined sugar an average American eats in a year
144 pounds = an average adult woman (and she�s 5�4�)
150 pounds = the complete Oxford English Dictionary
187 pounds = an average adult man
200 pounds = 2 Bloodhounds
235 pounds = Arnold Schwarzenegger
300 pounds = an average football lineman
400 pounds = a Welsh pony

For example, a loss of 128 pounds means you�ve lost �almost a newborn giraffe�, or:
(10) dozen large eggs
(4) dozen Krispy Kreme glazed donuts
(2) Chihuahuas
(2) Guinea pigs
(1) elephant penis
(1) average 2-year-old
(1) human head
(1) rack baby back ribs

I posted a few days ago when I was feeling pretty bad and everyone was so much help. I realize now lots of ways that I can improve my journey to make it what I want. Including, WATER! I have sat down and tried to do the Math for my water intake. (math is NOT my forte'). For me, If its true that you take 1/2 your weight in ounces, then I need 265/2 which is 132 ounces. That turns out to roughly 8 of those regular poland spring bottles that I drink everyday. So now I am using the same bottle per day and refilling it. Each time I do, I put a tally mark or a number ON THE BOTTLE with a sharpie. Maybe this will make a difference! Also started fitday.com.  Already I can see how much I can learn from that website. It is really great! Thanks to everyone who has helped me. Today, things don't seem so, so, so, FRUSTRATING!

At this point I am completely frustrated with this whole thing!  have not lost any weight in about a month. I have only been banded for 2 months. I have lost a total of 30 lbs since before the pre-op diet. but thats it. Sunday I got soooo sick from Chinese Food. I barely ate anything rest of day and all day monday. Finally I was able to eat monday evening (also excersized that day) and by Tuesday, I had gained back the 3 lbs that I lost! I am signing up for a gym on Thursday because I REFUSE to let all this trouble I have gone through be for nothing and I really want this to work but at this point, I start to wonder..Isn't it the same as NOT having the band? Watching what you eat? Going to the gym? and not losing anything!?? I mean, if I compare what I eat in a day NOW, compared to what I ate in a day BEFORE, there is a BIG difference. So why is there NOT a big difference in weight loss? Now it feels like if I eat anything other then soup...I gain or don't loose! Isn't the whole point of this surgery to be able to eat but feel full quicker and stay full longer? I'm so confused, and completely frustrated and honestly, starting to feel a little depressed. I am going to try to go to the support group tonight but that is mostly for pre-ops and I dont know if I will even be comfortable among them.

I wanted to post that I am feeling better. I have learned that it is better not to attempt to eat in the morning. That just sets off a chain of events that makes the whole day uncomfortable. My breakfasts now are Slim Fast High Protein shakes. Takes me a good hour to drink the can and even then I dont completely finish it but, at least I am getting in a lot of nutirents. I am still frustrated that the scale isnt budging! I am starting at the gym on Monday. I have had a hard time finding one that can work with my crazy schedule but I have reserched lots of them. i will go this week to sign up and start working out monday morning. I want to see results! Im tired of the same me! I want people to start to ask me, "Wow, have you been losing weight?" and me to say, "yes. thanks!" So far, only one person has even noticed that i lost some weight. (other then the 3 people that know about my surgery). Now I know that my clothes are fitting looser and a couple shirts already i cant wear cause it looks like i am wearing a garbage bag..but still, no comments. I am hoping that by thanksgiving and the holidays in Dec...when i see my extended family, that there will be enough loss for them to notice. i hope so.  Oh, and last night, i ate some rice with NO PAIN! that was my whole dinner. 2 small cups of rice. I think I am moving in the right direction now. I'm so excited because maybe, just maybe, this is actually going to work!!!