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3 days ago I had my first fill.  The needle wasnt as bad as I thought it would be. Nothing to numb it first, just straight shot right in!  I was so freaked out though that I never asked anything about how much fluid or anything. oh well. Also they had to quarterize one of my incisions that still has not completely closed. That wasn't really fun either.  I never knew that it is clear liquids for 24 hours and then 2 days of mushy foods. I am on day 3 so I should be on solid foods but, so far, not ready. Sticking with mushy for now cause THAT is difficult enough. Water is also a problem. Even with water i get that STUCK feeling. This is so hard. The good news is, that I have already lost everything that I gained back right before the fill so I'm so happy about that. But overall I feel so confused! I don't know WHAT I am supposed to eat! I know they say it is better to eat solid food cause that will stay in the upper stomach longer and you will feel full longer, BUT, anything slightly solid gives me pain, cause it is stuck. so, my question is this, does it eventually NOT hurt to have food in the upper pouch? Maybe something is wrong? My mom said that maybe this is the whole point of the surgery. You don't want to eat cause it causes too much pain. But i thought the point of the surgery was so you stay full longer and on only small bits of food!  I have to get myself to one of those support meetings...

In 2 days i go for my fill. I REALLY need it. I can eat solid foods now and as long as I dont eat too fast, I can actually eat a large quantity. I guess its good news cause that means that I am actually healing well inside. I am hungry all the time now. (as I was before my surgery). I am SOOO ready for the fill. I have gained back 5 lbs so far. Its kinda depressing to know that i went through so much for over a year to get this surgery. and now, i am still able to eat as much as i like!  Hopefully I will be singing a different tune in the next few days.

Today is 5 weeks since i had my lap band surgery. It seems that my weight loss has slowed almost to a stop. Now I am able to eat foods and tolerate them better. I am not offcially on solid foods until next week but I was in the city this past weekend (nyc) and somtimes there were not mushy food choices so, i just chewed well and all went fine. I dont get that feeling of stuck food as often as i did when i first started with the mushy food. maybe it is because i am healing, or maybe because i am learning to chew better. But at this point, i am deffinitely ready for my fill. I want to lose more weight!  I am still stuck at 25 lbs. I can eat more food than i think i should be able to. I am recovering well although, I still find that if i do TOO much (as was the case in the city), I do get really tired and feel some pain in my stomach ( like i did 300 situps! ha ha ha). but slowly getting all better. I just want to work on my weight loss and my health. after my next doctor visit (in 2 weeks) I hope i will get the fill then. and I hope i will get the ok to start exercise. I want to step it up and slim down and get healthy. I guess I will write more after i see the doc!

This week I had my first follow up visit. They took out the stiches, hurt like a
 !@$#% They said I lost 10 lbs since the surgery. I thought it wouldve been more. In total its over 20 lbs (including the week before of practical starvation). Now that I can eat mushy foods, it is harder for me to lose. I think I have already gotten off track. Starting today, I am going to get re-focused on my goals. I dont want to have had gone through all of this for nothing!  I just worry that, now, in order to lose weight, you have to practically starve yourself. Cause I am still eating considerablly less then before and it feels like I am not losing any more. Maybe its about time i started walking. Not so easy where i live. Not the safest place to be walking around early in the morning, and thats the only time I really have available in my day.  Well, Ive got to figure out something. Also, I feel like i can eat a considerable volume without being full. I jsut cant eat anything very solid or take too big bites cause, oh doest that hurt! But if its something like, re-fried beans, then I am deffinitely eating more then a medicine cap full. I feel confused. I know there is a support group that meets in the beginning of each month. I am going to make it my business to get my butt there!

Today is One week and 5 days after the surgery. i started out weighing about 295 lbs (before pre-op diet) and today I weigh 272! Its kind of unbelievable.  I know we are not supposed to weigh ourselves each day but, I can't help it. This has been hard and it makes it easier knowing it is at least working so far!  I still get pain in my shoulder about once per day. I still can not sleep on my side or stomach (hate sleeping on my back). 5 of 6 of the steri-strips have fallen off. I cant handle leaving the incicsions out and looking at the tiny loop of fishing line coming from my stomach so, i cover them up with bandaids. One of them hurts more then the others, and it is a little red. I dont go back to the doctor until the 20th so, I'll just keep my eye on it for now.

The whole week I stayed home with my boyfriend taking great care of me. Mom came over to help me too. My son went to camp each day. He is only 8 and I don't want him to know either. Its hard keeping it from him.  I went back to work 1 week and 1 day later but still having boughts of terrible gas pain up in my shoulder! and still not completely strong. Stomach is a little sore, but not bad. The pain in my hand from the IV, arm from pain meds, and gas pain is a lot worse then the incisions!

I got the call on Friday to be at the hospital (45 mins away) at 11:30.  I went there with my boyfriend and my parents, the only 3 people in my life that actually know. I was so scared that I kept on crying. I felt so embaressed.  The woman who did my IV was pure EVIL! Hurt so bad! The surgeon came in to talk to me, and a few minutes after that, I was being wheeled away. I just remember going into the operating room and they asked me, "where are we going on vacation" and I didnt answer them cause it seemed like a stuipid question. Then, I woke up in the recovery room. I was moaning and I moving my legs around and my boyfriend was asking my parents "why is she moving like that"  

After that I remember being in my room, and just sleeping a lot and having a LOt OF PAIN FROM THE GAS. and not to mention the IV in my hand was killing me, i dont know what that women did to me!  Anyway, I was one of the last ones to get the surgery on the floor, also the slowest to recover. They tried to get everyone up and walking later that night, but to me, each time I tried, I just got so dizzy they had to get me back to bed. It was hard for me because all of the other patients were walking the halls, and I couldnt yet. Next morning I could finally walk, hooray!  

I was still getting pain shots in my arm every couple hours and still getting a little dizzy but after being able to eat a taste of jello, sip of tea, and some water, I was aloud to go home by 430pm!

September of 2006 is when I met with Dr. Geiss for the first time. He explained everything to me and asked me lots of questions to decide if I was a candidate. Also told me that I had to quit smoking or I could forget about being approved for the surgery.  I left his office with a "to do" list of tests required and I immediately quit smoking. (I assumed that I would have surgery by the end of the year!) now THATS funny!

 I tried getting through all of the testing (lungs, stomach, blood, etc) but when it came to heart...thats when my troubles started. After abnormal EKGs and other testing...well, It took a LOT of tears and a lot of time, and a LOT of convincing but I eventually ended up with a Cardiac Catheterization to make sure my heart was ok. At that point it was just for my health, I figured the surgery was already down the tubes. Everything turned out ok, there was no blockage in my heart although my heart is slightly weakened. 

I had the catheterization in June of 2007. and once that was ok, I received my surgery date of July 30th. The pre-surgery diet was hard, at times felt like torture but I wasnt going to mess it up. I already know I had a problem with my heart and I dont want anything else to jeapordize my safety.