Hesitation

Aug 14, 2014

Well the date has been set. I've talked to my pcp and she's totally on board with handling my after care, and all I have left to do is send the deposit. That one last step that says I'm committed to this. I started keeping a journal to keep a record of my decision process and progress moving forward. As I sit thinking about my completely open and much brighter future, I know I hesitated to send the deposit to hold my surgery date today. I know I've done all the research. My pcp even said she felt very comfortable because I've done so much research. I feel determined and I don't feel that fading. In the past I've been prone to buts of motivation. I get it together I get going and a few months later I'm done being motivated. But this year was different I made a promise to myself to be more active and not worry about the weight, I assumed the weight would follow. It did...six months of building up to a 1500 meter swim 6 days a week and I put on 8 lbs. What? And yeah I know muscle weighs more than fat. Well that's all fine and dandy but tell it to my back and knees. I know this is a good and, as my pcp put it, reasonable option for me and I know I want to do it. So why am I so freaked out? Why am I holding myself back from change? Never been a fan of change. Or the unknown. I like it when I know where something is headed. And I don't know where this is going to head in the end. Down of course. But what else?

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