SarahI

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So i hit the the scale this morning because on Sunday when i got on it, it seemed like i should have lost more than i said i did. well it said i was down to 191.4.  Then i had Ed step on to verify because his weight is always at 164 pounds and it showed 158.  Then he stepped on it again and it showed 166.  So when i get a chance at work, we have a calibrated scale in our shipping department that i am going weigh myself on to get an accurate weight on then i will update my weight here.  it is really irking me because i just bought this scale as it was highly recommended and now i need to buy new batteries for it.  not just regular batteries, weird round disk like batteries.  

So since my post earlier, the scale at work says i weigh 188. Since it is a calibrated scale i will take it at its word.  So nobody freak when my ticker says i lost 6.8 pound since yesterday.  

I have been dealing with migraines since i was 8 years old, severe ones since i was 15.  In all these years I have been on so many medications for migraines. I.e. Imitrex to Maxalt, to injectables.  Nothing ever worked for long or at all.  Well this last couple years i have literally had a constant headache, had MRI's and CAT scans, nothing out of the norm they say.  I live in Michigan, we have unpredictable weather all the time, so the pressure systems change all the time.  I do notice if the barometric pressure drops below 30 i get a migraine.  But i also have food triggers too.  Well to make a long story short, last week, my grandmother happen to call me while i was home with a severe migraine and this vexed her, so she called my doctor.  My doctor called me personally and said that when i was able to drive or get a ride in, she wanted to approach this in a different way.  So last Wednesday, i went in and we discussed my issues and she said she wanted to know how i felt about taking a preventative medication for migraines.  We discussed all the possibilities, and Topomax had the least amount of severe side effects.  I know a lot of people call it dopomax and there are claims of bad side effects but compared to all the other preventative meds out there this seemed to be the better of them.  And to justify just how bad my migraines are, i am literally confined to my bed because i am light/sound sensitive, i go partially blind/completely blind in one/both eyes. nauseated, i feel like i am freezing my ass off in the arctic, when in actuality i am burning up.  the list goes on an on.  This is no picnic for me.  So I think i can handle a few side effects from the Topomax than endure another migraine.  Granted i know its not for everyone.  My doctor has started weaning me on it, because she doesn't want to me to have adverse effects that will cause issues right away.  I agree with starting off with a smaller dose and working up to the full dose.  So it will take me 2 months to work up to the full dose, but that is fine with me.  Since i have started the medication, i haven't had a full fledged migraine.  more like a good tension headache which i am able to tolerate and work with.  My hopes that with this medication is that my migraines become less frequent or all together disappear.  i know that is a huge feat but i have had more relief in the last week than in the last 26 years.  

Finally i have gotten below the dreaded 200 pounds.  It has been over 3 years since I have been under 200.  It feel great, i have a ton more energy and I have been much more active.  Matter of fact, i have been so busy with life, that the only time i watch tv is for about half an hour at night while lying in bed.  My head has been so much clearer and my relationship with my bf has never been better. Not that it was ever bad, but my focus on dieting and being overweight was putting a damper on me and not making me focus on what was most important to me.  My family was feeling my pain and anger towards being obese and i feel bad for letting it take over my life.  But now, I know what i need to do with my new tool, i follow my recommended plan and i don't have the urges i used to with eating too much.  I learned the hard way about eating more than i need to, and now it is becoming second nature to eat only what i need to survive.  So i am going to take this day and be happy, enjoy my water and proteins.  It is my last day of work for the holiday weekend.  the bf and i are boarding our dog and going camping.  We haven't done anything without the kids or the dog in a very long time and now its time to go have fun out on the trails and enjoy each others company.  Everybody have a safe and wonderful weekend.  

Wow, i have so much more energy!  I just can't believe how much more active i have been.  It is now starting to get really nice outside, (up here in northern Michigan, it has been an ice hell) , so i have been outside more.  It feels great.  I can easily fit on the motorcycle now without feeling like i am taking up all the room.  We also just traded our Polaris 800 RZR in for a new 900 RZR XP, and riding in that is just so much fun.  It gets me out into the woods and soon i will be hunting Morels and enjoying more of my nature walks.  We still have some trails that are covered in snow, so i am hoping in the next couple weeks it will be all gone.  I HOPE!!!  My digestion issues are going away.  The meds they had me on for Bile Reflux are working and i can actually hold my food in.  All in all i am happy with my new tummy and getting the sleeve is the best thing i could have done for myself.  It has allowed me to get my life back and really be the person on the outside that i am on the inside.  

Lately i have been so tired.  I don't mean tired like bored tired, but exhausted tired.  i work at a desk, but i am able to get up often and move around and stretch and get some activity in.  but as soon as i am sitting or riding in the car, i cannot keep myself awake.  i am getting in all my protein, and water.  I take my vitamins including my B complex which used to give me awesome energy.  I sleep at night.  i have tried going to bed earlier than i usually do.  Didn't help, actually made me feel worse.  So i have resorted to on my lunch break which is only a half hour to putting my head down and power napping.  i still get my lunch in just before lunch or right after, but if i don't rest for those 30 minutes, i completely crash on my way home from work.  ( i carpool) !!!  i work long hours, 11 total everyday for 5 days a week.  i wish i didn't have to work so much but there are not too many jobs around my area that pay well or offer insurance, so i am stuck with what i have for now.  

Well, here i am three weeks out.  I feel great, i am down 30+ pounds, and for the most part i am doing good with my diet.  My biggest struggles are getting in all my protein, but fairly close to the 62 grams i was told to get.  I am more worried about getting my water in.  i feel like all i do is drink water and get protein in.  I am still getting used to how small my stomach is now.  I am only able to hold about 4-5 tablespoons of mushy food.  If i go over that, i feel awful.  But i never feel hungry.  I have had one craving and that is for toast, which is weird because i don't eat bread at all.  In a couple weeks i can have tuna fish and deli meats, so i can't wait to have crackers and tuna again.  

 As of late, i have had some issues with my incision sites healing ( they are healing really well), but the pain from my moving and stretching is like a burning, pulling pain that is very painful.  Also when i lay down to sleep at night, i get such awful creepy crawlies in my legs that it is hard for me to sleep.  I have an appt with my PCP coming up so i will address this issue, but tonight i am going to blend up a banana and see if that helps.  

 I started back to work yesterday, which is a nice change.  but after 10 hours of work i was absolutely exhausted.  I literally got home and crashed in my room.  Ed was in the garage fixing my exhaust on my car so he didn't know i fell asleep.  I woke up around 7:30 pm still tired but i figured i should make dinner.  Which he opted to have subway and i had stage 3 jar of chicken and dumpling baby food.  which i could only eat about half a jar and i was full.  I love my pouch.  Granted it is a mind game at first trying to figure out what you can handle and when enough is enough.  But i don't regret my decision to go thru this.

If anybody has any advice on the stitch pain and how to relieve that, or what to do about my achy legs that would be great.  But all in all i am very happy with my results and no regrets!

Well i am now 4 days post op, and i feel a lot better than the first day.  I actually got to have surgery and hour earlier than expected.  i remember waking up in little spurts and thinking they just tore my body apart.  i was in a lot of pain.  But i was too groggy to care.  i remember the elevator ride up to my room and being put in my room, but i went back to sleep.  When i woke up again, Ed was there listing to my headphones.  He went to go get the nurse to let her know i was away, and he knew i was in a lot of pain.  well they hooked up my morphine pump and told me to hit the button.  Instant nausea.  They couldn't get the nausea meds in fast enough and there i was dry heaving.  i threw up a little foamy spittle. but the rest was just heaving.  It didn't hurt as bad as i thought it would.  And Ed was just there making sure i was ok.  He did awesome and was there when i needed him.  He stayed until i told him to go home and feed the dog and let her go out, he needed to eat and there was no point in him staying any longer.  I was thru the worst part at least.  at around 6:30 in the evening i was allowed 30 ml of unjury drink.  I was not allowed any water or ice chips.  My mouth was so parched and sticky.  so the nurses gave me moistened sponge swabs.  I call them teasers.  i did my walk after that, then after an hour or so, i did some more walking.  Then i tried to pee, and couldn't pee.  so they had to catheterize me. By then next morning i was able to go on my own tho.  Maybe because i didn't want the very cute nurse guy to have to cath me again.  he was probably thinking how awful it is to have to help the poor fat girl who can't pee on her own.  so i made sure i was able to go on my own.  So that is my choppy account of my hospital visit.  I am doing good on getting in my protein and water in.  I did have to buy a heating blanket because i am starting to get a little chilled.  best 40 dollar investment.  

Yesterday was my Pre-Op appointment.  I was in a meeting with 8-9 other people.  We were talked to by our exercise specialist, then by our Nut, then the Physicians Assistant came in and went over the procedures.  I am so glad to find out that i will not be getting drainage tubes, and i will not be catheterized, if they do, they always remove it prior to the patient waking up from anesthesia.    

  After, the class, there was a my one on one with the Physicians Assistant to go over my personal do's an don'ts.  Went over what to expect.  I am just so happy with everyone in this office.  They have been so cooperative, and understanding.  After that, the Nut and I picked out my foods that i will be living on for the next couple weeks.  They were out of some of my food choices so i had to substitute for other things.  She also gave me some extra so that i could try them before my diet starts on Monday to see if i liked those.  so all in all, it was a good day, my only complaint was that they told me that everything would take 3 hours to do, i was there for 5 in all.  oh well i wasn't at work listening to applicants ask me questions on tests or if a manager has looked at their application.  it was a nice break.  now i have (as of today) 17 days till surgery.  it is just flying by so fast now.  

Ok, so last night was my last class, i have pre-op appointment tomorrow.  Class was good last night, but i was a little disappointed because i was the only person to show up beside the instructor.  So we did about a 20 minute informative about exercise and heart rate, then i did another 20 minutes on the treadmill, i got my heart rate up to a decent amount, then i did my cool down.  After that she let me leave early because the weather was getting pretty bad and i had a 25 mile drive ahead of me.  I was sad because i didn't get to say goodbye to all the people i have been in class with all these weeks.  I am elated because i am getting so much closer to my surgery date.  

On another note, today is Fat Tuesday (puckzi day here at work)  i usually don't eat donuts, but these were smaller versions of what i have seen.  Knowing i have to start my diet tomorrow, or Thursday, i decided it would be ok, and i didn't even eat the whole thing, it was awful.  I don't like powdered sugar or sugary things, so it was easy to just cut off a piece and then give it away.  i actually don't feel guilty for trying it, but now i have heart burn from the sugar that was in it.  

Well, on with the rest of my day, and i will keep posted on what happens tomorrow.  I am going into this blind.  I don't know what to expect or what i will have to do.  But i know i will be spending lots of money.  

Well after last nights class i have one class remaining.  I enjoyed last nights class tho.  We went over portion control.  It makes me feel good knowing that i have been doing good on that venue.  I switched to a 5 inch plate that i only fill the inner circle with food, i never heap or go to the edges of the plate.  My bowl is a tiny little bowl and i reserve that for cereal, or soups.  Now the hard part with that is keeping my kids away from my cute dishes.  Everyone is being very supportive, and i also decided that yesterday was a good time if any to tell my immediate family about the surgery.  I love my family and i realize i need their support.  Not with physical but just emotional.  I know i have a long road ahead of me, and knowing that they are there for me is such a great relief.  

The only person who seems to be having a hard time with this is my youngest daughter.  She is 9 and very smart, sometimes too smart.  Her dad and I are divorced now since 2009, we separated in 2008.  she has had a hard time with the divorce in part because she was so young and didn't see, (not that i would ever let my children see the mental anguish i was put thru) the unloving nature that my oldest daughter saw, My oldest was happy with the divorce, in a sense that she had two parents she loves, but they just can't stand each other, and now she has more time with each of us.  Jo on the other hand wishes we would be together.  (our parenting schedule is i have them one week, and then their dad has them the next week).  I believe Jo's problem is that when she is at her dads, she spends most of her time with my ex mother in law.  (she is the epitome of classic evil MIL)  Since i explained to both my daughters what was going on this woman has it in her head that it is ok for my 9 year old to watch weight loss stories on Television, so of course, in order to have a tv show, they find the most complicated cases for rating. So in turn, this has freaked her out.  This is the part that pisses me off.  I explained to her that the people on these shows make up a small percentage of those who actually have successful surgeries.  For now she is satisfied, but now i know will only last for a short time until she comes back from her dads again.  I have talked to my ex about limiting the amount of time the girls are over there.  but he is stuck in his firefighter daydream so (this was a big part of why we divorce, 90% was his mother) he never makes time to be with the girls.  he has a normal job, but when he gets out, he goes straight to the fire hall.  He is volunteer so there is no reason for him to be there every day for hours on end.  I could really care less where he is, except our kids are hurting.  

Well anywho, i feel better for getting that off my chest.  I need to get back to work and get motivated again.  Later!