Procrastination

Jul 07, 2012

 It's been months since I have decided that I wanted to have weight loss surgery. I have also decided that the band is the way I want to go. I like the reversibility of it, since you never know what life will demand from you. However, despite my decision being made, I have yet to do anything about it besides the two group information seminars I attended back in spring. Why is that? 

I know I am afraid. But you know what else I'm afraid of? Being this way forever. Continuing to get bigger and bigger until the desks at school go from a tight, uncomfortable fit, to not being able to squeeze into them at all.  I'm afraid of having to buy a pair of jeans in a bigger size for the millionth time. I'm afraid of traveling, and having to ask for a seat belt extension for the first time.  I'm afraid of accepting an invite to a theme park, the seats were tight last summer, and I don't want my friends to see me not fit. I'm afraid of breaking a chair one day. 

These are not things I ever imagined I'd be afraid of. The list goes on and on, and I worry it will continue to grow, if I don't take that first step towards the surgery. It's time to face the music and move forward. I want this, and it isn't just going to fall into my lap. 

I want to kickbox. I want to shop in any store I want. I want to be comfortable in heels. I want to take pole dancing classes. I want to book cheap last minute flights. I want to ride a roller coaster again. I want to love being in pictures. I want jewelry to fit. I want to be comfortable in a bathing suit. 

 I will be calling next week, no more procrastinating. 

"you don't have to see the whole staircase, just the first step."

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