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The last weekend in April I joined the fancy-pants new YMCA in my town, determined to up my exercise. At the time I really wanted, but didn't need, new sneakers. So I made a deal with myself - once I had been to the Y (not just exercised, but been to the Y) 50 times, I could buy myself new kicks.

Tonight, 10 weeks later, I had my 50th visit and those new sneakers are mine!!!

I can't even tell you how often I think this to myself... Who is this woman going for a hike on a Sunday afternoon? Who is this woman not minding having to park 3 blocks away? Who is this woman cooking at home for almost every meal? Who is this woman?! But the best part is that every time I get to answer - it's me! As the NSVs pile up and my confidence in myself grows I just keep trying new and different things. 

Obviously everything hasn't changed - I'm still too nervous to talk to the extremely handsome swim instructor I see every week. I still don't like tomatoes. I still get frustrated at work - but so many things HAVE changed and I feel so different so much of the time. Almost everyone seems to say it, but, damn, I'm so happy to have had my RNY and I wonder why I waited so long. What's going to be around the next corner for me? What will I find the strength and nerve to try next? I just don't know, but I can't wait to find out!

Today I officially have lost more than I have to loss to get to my main goal! My main goal is to get down to 155, that puts me into a "normal" BMI. It both feels totally doable and totally unattainable, but I'll work my program and trust myself!

Today, I've just realized, is my 2 month surg-i-versary! Happy day to me. 

In the last 2-3 weeks I've been able to expand my food choices and really start digging into exercise. I've been going to the YMCA like its my second home. The elliptical and I are now BFFs and water aerobics is amazing. I can truly feel myself not only getting physically stronger, but more confident along the way.

It hasn't been all hearts and roses all the time - there have been some hiccups. Twice, knock on wood, I've had to throw up after eating too quickly or not chewing well enough. I've also been uncomfortable a few times from probably the same problems. I've also found myself an emotional heap a few times and even when you know it's the "hormone dump" that doesn't make it much easier, ya know? I've also felt uncomfortable when folks have commented on or asked me about my weight loss. I like that they notice the work, but accepting compliments has never really been easy for me.

The good out weighs the bad though - by leaps and bounds. I can't wait to continue to surprise myself....every day!

I started by meeting my colleague and walking the track for two miles. We don't walk super fast, but we're walking and we're outside and I'm getting steps in and I'm getting a jump start on my liquids for the day.

I also am wearing a pair of size 18 pants that has literally never fit me. Not even when I originally bought them. I ordered them from LL Bean, they didn't fit but it was too much of a hassle to return them. Really? That's the truth! But they fit me now, though hopefully not for too long. 

When I stepped on the scale this morning I hit the 60 pounds down mark! 20 pre-surgery, 40 post. That's pretty freaking awesome! 

This past week and weekend felt like a test for me and my pouch. 1. Stressful time at work - check. 2 - out of town visitors throwing off my regular schedule - check. 3 - going to visit my parents - check. 4 - a very serious health scare with my favorite uncle - check.

But I haven't let these factor throw me completely off my game. I missed a vitamin one day and skipped my last protein shake another (though I was at 70g for the day anyway), but overall I've stuck to my plan and made good choices. 

In the past I've used food as a stress reliever, a comforter and I honestly can't say how I've been coping with stress right now - sleep? Exercise, maybe? Throwing myself into the planning and prep of meals? Whatever it is is working for now, but I know I'll need to pay close attention...

Right now it feels like the pounds are melting off me. Over the last several days I've been seeing the scale go down .5-1.5 pounds a day - wow! As I'm feeling better and better I'm upping my protein, upping my liquid intake, and upping my activity. It feels so good to see the pounds coming off - though I know I'll reach stalls along the way and might have to put the scale away. I'm feeling stronger and more energy every day and it's so cool. I'm also constantly surprising myself with the things I'm doing: wanting to grocery shop and cook, going to the gym, walking in the morning and going to the gym in the evening, parking at the back of the lot. 

I knew this surgery would be life changing, but I'm constantly amazed as I see it really happening to me!

This week has brought my 50th pound lost (20 pre-op, 30 post) and my beginning a relationship with the gym. 

It feels good to see the scale moving down, but I'm now in an awkward in between where the clothes that were in my closest are mostly too big, but the things put away in boxes are mostly still too small. I don't want to buy new things at this point, so there are a lot of belts and not super flattering tops happening lately. I think in another week or so the things in boxes will fit, then I'll have about 2 sizes worth of clothing to keep me going for a while - I see a lot of dresses in my future this summer.

I've been very excited to get to the gym. I have to admit I feel a little...superior for going. Not superior to any of my follow WLSers, more to my old self really. I went 3 times this week and I'll go at least once this weekend. I'm still feeling a bit intimidated by the idea of classes, but I've been enjoying the treadmill, elliptical, and bike in the fitness center and that's a good start as far as I'm concerned. I did some HIIT intervals on the treadmill and today I did a beginner interval session on the elliptical. Both keep things interesting.

I just updated my tracker and realized I'm just 1 pound from the 50 pounds lost mark and I can hardly believe it! 20 pounds pre-op, 29 pounds post. I can feel those missing 49 pounds in my clothing, but it still feels surreal to me. 

Maybe tomorrow I'll make 50 - now that would be a great way to start a Sunday, but I know I'm almost there and that feels like magic!

How is it possible that someone who is consuming no more than 12 ounces of solid food a day can spend so much money and energy on food! This is not to say it's a bad thing - I've said it before and I'm saying it now - I know, this obsessive part is relatively temporary. At some point this whole planning thing will get easier - I'll know what I'm doing and I'll it, but right now it's a lot of work.

This morning I met Mary at the track and we walked just under 2 miles (though with my back and forth it actually WAS two miles). I feel a little guilty though because I know when it gets hot and I join the Y, I'm totally going to ditch her to walk on the treadmill in the nice air conditioned gym with a TV right in front of me. I also worry that I need the treadmill to help me stick to a consistent pace. I used to hate it when Meg bugged me about the gym, but I'm realizing now I just wasn't...there yet. I know some days will be a struggle to get my butt moving, but right now I feel so powerful the more I move. I hope at my follow up tomorrow they give me the OK to exercise more - I want to hit the gym and maybe do the bike or go swim or something different. Maybe when I walk on a treadmill with a tv I'll be able to just zone out and go. Time shall tell.

I started reading Stranger Here, a memoir from a WLS patient. I'm about a 1/4 of the way through and she has just gotten to her initial appointment with the surgeon at this point. I see so much of my own story in hers and I can't wait to keep reading.