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I keep wondering if I'll be able to keep all of this up.  I fall off and on the exercise wagon, I fall off and on the only three meals a day wagon... I'm sure there is more.  But I just can't help but be happy with 9 months and 155 pounds off.  I mean I couldn't have dreamed a better outcome right? 

I wish I didn't have all of this extra skin.  I'm sure I'd be in smaller clothes than the 16/18 I'm in now.  I really notice the skin issues when I'm exercising and playing softball.  I swear if it wasn't for great undergarments my panni would make noises as I run.  The rest of my body is just all over skin especially around my arms and breasts.  But once again, I wouldn't trade this to go back.  Never ever. 

I keep looking at my goal to lose another 24 pounds by December.  I would definitely like to see myself under 200 pounds if only for a couple of minutes to say see how far I've come!  I honestly didn't realize how much I've been letting these numbers define me.  Although I weigh every day I don't stress when I don't lose but just keeping these goal numbers on my wall always keeps the numbers in my head.  Maybe this is the reason I'm not eating sugar free fudge bars every night. Because I know I could.  So here's to the next three months.... Let's see if I make it. 

I read a lot of other people's posts on the main forum and the RNY forum.  I still wonder if I'm going to get this whole process of becoming a different person.  At the psychological support group last night we talked about fear and body issues.  Heck even Vitalady showed up at the group.  She talked about being a formerly morbidly obese person forever. I guess I hadn't thought about this process like alcoholism.  Maybe I should have.  I know there is OA and other groups that use the 12 step process for weight related issues. 

It's like these last six months have been lived in this little tiny bubble.  A window to what was wrong with my life and a window to what it could be.  I feel bad for myself that I hurt so much before this surgery.  I feel bad that I let myself live that way.  But I guess my fear is not about getting to my goal, I think I can do that, but keeping from being that morbidly obese person again.  Heck, I'm still fat at 252 pounds.  It's just not the same.  I could blend into a crowd now if I had too.  I am not the biggest person in any given room.  Someone might miss me, or even talk to me like a normal human being. I demanded attention before but now people just act respectful right off the bat.  I mean actual men have hit on me in the last couple of weeks.  (I vote it's the dresses!)  But how do I not go back to who I was before? 

I need more exercise, a follow up with the surgeon (in July so I can pay!), and more patience with myself during this transition.  I thought I was prepared for this journey.  I wasn't.  I don't know if I could have been prepared.  But I recognize now that starting support groups last year made it much easier.  Reading on OH made it better.  Talking with people about my goals made it easier.  So if I can do all of this in six months, (a full year since I started pre-op appointments) what else can I do?  What else other than myself have I given up on? 

So this blog post sounds really negative.  But I mean it as a future reference for myself.  It's a positive shift from where I was in December. It's light years away from who I was last June.  I'm hoping all of the new friends I meet from this process the best success.  I keep running into people everywhere that have had a RNY.  I hope to be as successful as they have been in the coming years.

I look back at my other posts each time I write and it just seems like it has gone so quickly.  I've lost 112 pounds now and I'm hoping this puts me on track to be under 200 pounds.  It would be really great to see a one instead of another number to start my weight.  It's hard to believe just five months ago I was closer to 400 pounds than 300 and now I'm in the 200's.  It's incredible what a difference this is.  I need to change out my avatar picture and put some new ones on here.  My face has a real chin now instead of just flesh. 

I've been doing much better about working out.  Lots of days at the Y and softball.  Although this weekend was the end of softball so I'm going to have to do more to work out.  I had been enjoying the socializing more than the running.  I'm so slow I only get a base hit every once in awhile.  It would also help if my hitting was better!  I bought a new bathing suit and I've been out in the pool several days now.  I wish my middle wasn't so soft but I'm not nearly as embarrassed as before. 

My food has been doing well.  I have been wanting more food but I've been able to put in some more fruit and vegetables after my proteins.  I've been trying to be very focused on this, especially not to add in potatoes, rice or breads right now.  I know if I start these things I would have a hard time putting them down.  I'm impressed with people who's plans let them have these things this early out.  As far as food goes I still feel like a child.  Just learning what and how I should do everything. 

Vitamins have also been going pretty well, I just seem to miss taking the second dose of calcium in the evenings.  I'm hoping to have some more insurance issues resolved soon.  I now have a way to pay to see the bariatric surgeon even if those visits are no longer covered. I'm also realizing plastic surgery is going to be something high on my list.  Each little stretch mark now shows the exact tear they made in my skin. 

I couldn't be more excited about my weight loss.  The past four months have flown by and there are new changes for me everyday.  Mostly I'm starting to feel much better about myself and I'm learning my new limits.  Like I should be taking in more liquids than the 60 ounces I get in normally. 

I've been so very lucky I'm getting to wear some clothes that were donated to me.  I've been wearing 16, 18, 20's.  What a difference from busting out of my 28's and into some 30's.  I've been putting clothes out of my closet to the side to itemize for taxes.  I'm just starting to realize how different this is going to be.  I bought some new panties and I still need to buy new bras.  I was lucky and had bras I couldn't wear before surgery.  But now I'm really too small to wear those. 

Still playing some softball and working out. Although, I need to do more at the gym.  The nice temperatures outside kept me from going into the gym but it will be hot in Phoenix soon enough.  I know I'm getting in way more activity even without working out all of the time. 

So I just took another Disneyland vacation (go annual passes!).  I felt so much better there on the rides and walking around.  The challenge was about eating the right things, not my physical activity.  What a difference a couple of months and 80 pounds make. 

I just got my blood work results back and I had a Thiamine deficiency.  I couldn't believe it since I've been so regimented about my vitamins.  So I added a straight B-1 into the mix.  I am hoping to get my lab results in my own hands so I can adjust anything else that needs some work.  I'm really glad I had my labs done early.  And even though I didn't want a deficiency, it might be helpful now with my insurance issues.  They can code deficiencies instead of morbid obesity when I have my labs drawn again.  My glass half full moment regarding my health. 

I've still been spending a lot of time on OH reading what's going on.  I still have problems seeing myself as smaller.  I've been slowly getting some new clothes with my coupons and gift cards from Christmas.  I was really hoping to be down more this month but it's been slow.  So I will probably wait a little longer to buy some more clothes. 

Exercise has been every week at least three times a week.  I'm trying to make the intervals between work outs shorter but I also want to live my life a little bit.  Especially now that I'm feeling better.  Hopefully I'll find a good middle ground soon.  With my long commute it's hard to find extra hours in the week.  And certainly going to my support group is mucho important.  Until next month!

I would have never imagined how different everything would be in just two months.  I'm down 70 pounds as of the 16th.  I'm looking forward to losing the last nine pounds and being under 300 pounds for the first time in about a decade.  I've been tired and having a little bit of a cold all week.  It's pretty much put a stop to my workouts, so I will be going tonight. 

One of the lovely ladies at work gave me some of her clothes that were too big. So this week I tried them on but didn't expect anything to fit.  Well I was wrong.  Two pairs of 20's actually went on to my but.  If it wasn't for that stupid front belly they might even be comfortable.  But since I could wear jeans to work today, I laid down and put them on.  Heck in November I laid down to put on the 28's that were broken in! 

Work has been difficult, which it always is, but probably because I don't feel my very best.  Also, the rest of my life has been catching up to me.  Bills from surgery, tax time, and broken cars.  I'm going to have to ask for more help and pray lots.  My eating has been going well.  I still need to get in some more choices during the week.  So we will see.

I'm down about 60 pounds now and I'm seeing it more and more.  My pouch is also much more sensitive than I thought at first.  One bite to much and I need to vomit.  Although this only seems to happen at dinner time.  I really wish I could figure out what I am doing to make myself sick.  I'm measuring and timing how long it takes me to eat and I chew like a crazy women.  Heck I even bring my baby spoons with me everywhere. 

I've been doing good on my protein and water, but I've been changing up my vitamins. Mostly because I wasn't taking them when I need to.  I'm good about the B-12, and the calcium, but forget my multi.  So I'm taking it at night not with food.  So I'm going to try again tomorrow.  Of course today, I packed the pill box again but left it on the counter.  Smart! 

I keep running into people who have had WLS.  So that has been really fun.  My barista at Starbucks had one 5 years ago and she looks great.  See what conversations start over a decaf skinny vanilla latte with protein powder?  I'm excited when I meet someone who has done this as well.  I went to exercise support group last night and it's always encouraging.  I know I do better when I attend and look forward to attending.  I wonder if that will always be this way. 

Since I have the most boring posts ever I will finish.  But I figure one day I'll want to see all of these and remember. 

I am still surprised how not hungry I am.  I knew surgery changed things but I don't feel like the same mindless eating machine I once did.  Surgery has taught me how much I did not pay attention to myself.  Not just the eating, but exercise and taking care of myself.  I just never noticed how much I had put myself on the back burner.  But not now!

I had my surgeon check up last week and everyone said I was doing great.  I was down 53 pounds from my high weight.  I'm really hoping to lose this next 27 pretty quickly. 

I've still been going to the Y three or four days a week.  It's really helped that many of the people from church have joined as well.  So now when I go there is lots of support and people around me.  I had heard from people who had surgery that others were not necessarily supportive.  I'm sure behind my back people have said things, but everyone is so encouraging I can hardly believe it. 

I've been doing great getting my meals put together, weighing all of my food.  Trying to establish these good habits now instead of later.  I have gotten sick twice at dinner time.  I think if I don't go to the bathroom before dinner it is just to hard on my new pouch.  Strange but since I thought that everything has gone down just fine. 

 

I've been working hard this last week.  I started at the YMCA working out.  Boy am I out of shape.  It's laughable it's so pathetic.  Just doing some recumbent bike and a couple of weight machines.  All of the talk of bone loss has me running scared.  I'll be going right after work tonight.  Last night's support group was being done by the exercise physiologist and she said I was at the right level.  So I will be working on making this the routine this month and step it up slowly. 

Water has been fine, 2oz measured food has been fine.  My protein intake has not been fine.  So yesterday I added another protein drink.  I think I will try and do that every other day.  Much more will just be too hard to do. 

Work has been pushing every button I have.  Mostly because I feel like there is so much more I could be doing if I wasn't working.  I'm so ready to make myself the focus that being here is hard sometimes.  But I've been taking time out of everyday to stretch or take and extra walk.  I'm hoping that will keep my mind on work and not on something crazy.   

I'm already noticing big changes.  I pulled out some of my skinny pants.  They were wonderful to wear.  I still don't fit into some of them.  I'm going to need clothes or I'm going to just be wearing skirts since I can take the waist in on them without much fuss.  My top hasn't changed much except my arms already have a bigger angel wing.  But what's a wing when the weight is dropping off so fast?

I went back to work this week and almost hated every minute.  Probably because time off was so relaxing even with recovery!   But I enjoyed seeing everyone here at work.  I was to tired to make it here on Wednesday, but I warned everyone that could happen. 

Tuesday night I went to nutrition support group and enjoyed seeing everyone smaller from their surgeries.  I couldn't believe how great one of my friends looked from November till now.  She was a shinning star!  I also enjoyed meeting some new people and making up my mind that I'm going to need these groups for a long time. 

I haven't had any bad reactions to food yet.  Lots of fish and I'm loving cottage cheese.  Although, I have to admit I'll be ready for the next stage at the end of the month.  I need to go get more food tonight or tomorrow, but my main goal is to join the YMCA tonight to get the exercise really ramped up. Have you seen my arms?! They are scary now I wonder what they will look like thinner.

I've already noticed changes in my body.  My pants are looser, my shoes fit better and I'm feeling more confident just knowing this is going to work.  It was a great moment to realize that I can do this.