Six Months Passed

Jun 17, 2010

I read a lot of other people's posts on the main forum and the RNY forum.  I still wonder if I'm going to get this whole process of becoming a different person.  At the psychological support group last night we talked about fear and body issues.  Heck even Vitalady showed up at the group.  She talked about being a formerly morbidly obese person forever. I guess I hadn't thought about this process like alcoholism.  Maybe I should have.  I know there is OA and other groups that use the 12 step process for weight related issues. 

It's like these last six months have been lived in this little tiny bubble.  A window to what was wrong with my life and a window to what it could be.  I feel bad for myself that I hurt so much before this surgery.  I feel bad that I let myself live that way.  But I guess my fear is not about getting to my goal, I think I can do that, but keeping from being that morbidly obese person again.  Heck, I'm still fat at 252 pounds.  It's just not the same.  I could blend into a crowd now if I had too.  I am not the biggest person in any given room.  Someone might miss me, or even talk to me like a normal human being. I demanded attention before but now people just act respectful right off the bat.  I mean actual men have hit on me in the last couple of weeks.  (I vote it's the dresses!)  But how do I not go back to who I was before? 

I need more exercise, a follow up with the surgeon (in July so I can pay!), and more patience with myself during this transition.  I thought I was prepared for this journey.  I wasn't.  I don't know if I could have been prepared.  But I recognize now that starting support groups last year made it much easier.  Reading on OH made it better.  Talking with people about my goals made it easier.  So if I can do all of this in six months, (a full year since I started pre-op appointments) what else can I do?  What else other than myself have I given up on? 

So this blog post sounds really negative.  But I mean it as a future reference for myself.  It's a positive shift from where I was in December. It's light years away from who I was last June.  I'm hoping all of the new friends I meet from this process the best success.  I keep running into people everywhere that have had a RNY.  I hope to be as successful as they have been in the coming years.

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