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Well, finally got the approval for my gallbladder to be removed, that will happen on July 19th. I'm hoping I will feel better once that is out.  I've been having neck pains, headaches and dizzy spells. My surgeon says there are many symptoms that could be branching off from the gallbladder so he wants to remove it and then see what symptoms remain and deal with those then. 

Got the wedding registry more/less done but we were planning on moving into a certain place that was partially furnished - I found out tonight that it will no longer be availible. Wonderful.  Neither mine nor his credit will pass for us to get into any halfway decent apartment, this was pretty much our only chance to get out of my parents house.  Now we are looking at a one room place up the street just because we can afford it, maybe...  

My parents don't appreciate what we DO contribute to and only seem to rub it in my face that I have not completed college yet.  Mom and I argue WAY too much and its getting on my nerves.  I wish I could say that his family was supportive - not too sure if they are or not (besides the one here on OH, love my meems!) His parents are always there for us and always make sure we are invited to family events...even if other people don't remember. Starting to feel pushed away by my future brother in laws family, don't really appreciate a lecture EVERY SINGLE TIME I come around.  I get it, we aren't married and we live together...you told me that 2 weeks ago..a week ago...and a few days ago... how about "long time no see" or " how are you guys doing?" instead of "you're going to hell you know"... -_-  just want things to be a little calmer... I don't talk to anyone...I keep to myself now..it keeps peace....now I get to look for a place to move to once we get some $$ saved up. GRR

Just ranting I love all of his family, its just frustrating. Don't know how the wedding is gonna happen with trying to move and trying to get my health in order at the same time he will be working a full season (hopefully, if he gets hired on)

Even if I don't lose any more..I'm freakin happy!!

Highest recorded weight = 435 lbs...with a BMI of 61.5 (Morbidly Obese)

Surgery weight = 325 ...with a BMI of 46.0 (Obese)

Current weight = 203 with a BMI of 28.7 (overweight and only 23 lbs from goal and "average" category!!) WOOT!

can we say HOLY MOLY!!!! =) ^_^ I'm a happy camper!

Changes are good right? Well they are to me, at least they 'usually' are to me.  I had my 8 month post-op RNY appointment last wednesday and I asked about goal because of excess skin removal and insurance etc. . I was told that I reached their goal 2 months ago and that my goal of 180 is a bit low.....  

Here's my problem: I still see myself as big..I mean TOO B.I.G.  - to me, yes I have lost 120 lbs and am in between a 14 and 16...but...to me that's still plus size.  To me I'm still "over 200 lbs" ..I'm 206.  I want onederland...I want my tummy to at least not hang down when I stand up.  I don't care if I have love handles or a muffin top, I just want the mass of fat gone.  Yet my surgeon told me to not lose that much more.  I keep thinking..how is 30 lbs going to take this huge belly off of my front? It seems like 80 lbs even though I know it's not.  Sometimes when I look in the mirror I see a small person..most of the time I still see 'me' from last year.  The skin ..I can say it doesnt bother me and i'd love to believe that.  However, I think subconsciously it irritates me to no end.  I had a dream the other night that was nuts but it shows that the skin does bother me.  I had a dream that my fiance tried to sell me to a hindu community for "reproduction" purposes so he could get $$ by selling the children I would mother.  They told him I wouldn't do...and they kept referring to my skin on my tummy.  Now I don't normally have body image dreams unless I'm hot and desirable in them LOL.  Anywhoo, I guess it does bother me more than I thought- good news is, it's going away with the help of my shapewear and lots of liquids and moisturisers!!

I have them every time my fiance puts his arm around me in public or puffs his chest out when I'm all dressed up.  The best feel good moments are when he and my parents comment about my weight loss to strangers and they don't know I'm listening ^_^

Yesterday, I experienced kind of a euphoric feel good moment! I was at my 8 month post op appointment and I had the PA log my skin rash from extra skin (for insurance purposes when removal is being talked about)  - - I told him I knew skin removal was quite a ways away and he said...actually....I have exceeded their expectations.   Wait.....what?! Their goal was for me to lose 100 lbs....and I've lost 111 by their scale.  (clothing weight isnt subtracted and the day of surgery i was weighed in NADA)  ANYWAYS!  He asked me what my goal is and I told him 180...he told me that 175 180 is as low as they would want me to get. HOLY CRAP! Am I really only 32 lbs from my goal weight?!  At the same time I keep thinking...how can I be so close to my goal weight and still have a huge tummy?!  Well I guess it's not THAT big, I just see it as that way still.  I don't care if I have pudge or extra skin, I just want my hanging tummy to go bye-bye! We'll see what tomorrow brings eh? ^_^

On another note: next week is my last week of college classes and then I get to go to my externship where I will be training as a medical assistant!! WOOHOO!!! Then we have NCCT testing, job hunting, apartment shopping, money saving for furniture to furnish the apartment and a wedding to plan..all in a matter of six months...eep! What a wonderful life!

I have been weighing in at 207 for a week now and can hardly stand the anticipation of onederland! I know I'll reach it as soon as the pms monster goes away though! 

ALSO!!!..if I lose 7 more inches..I will have lost half my waist size which will also make me the same size as my fiance =D

Nothing much to report or update just ALOT of NSV's going on and tons of compliments to the point that I don't know how to handle them!

Today is March 13th...I am now 7 months out from my RNY.  I have gone from 325lbs to 216 and from a tight size 28 to a 14/16.  I can shop in 'normal' stores, plus size stores hardly have my size any more! I can wear heels, walk about 5 miles and run as well.  I just got back from vacation where I rode not one but THREE roller coasters and any damn ride I wanted to without them questioning my weight!!  I walked on the beach in a tank top and shorts without anyone ridiculing me and my fiance' kept his proud arm around me the whole trip.  I'm graduating college in July with my associate of science degree and I'm getting married at the end of October.  I will start my externship on April 25th and will take my NCCT shortly thereafter.  I've gotten back in contact with cousins, friends from school that get this: are STILL MY FRIENDS!!  I've found out which of those friends have always been fake and which are still who they always were which can be good or bad.  My 'lil bro', a guy I babysat from the time he was in 7th grade just came home for a visit, he's in the Navy and I'm SO proud of him, he joined to help, not for benefits or because people told him to.  He hugged me but it was a very loose hug until I spoke then he gave me a bear hug..he said he didn't know who I was at first...last time he saw me I was 330 lbs! He can pick me up now...major difference.

With all that good has to come some bad...

I have trouble eating, my picky pouch does not like MOST food.  Yogurt, cottage cheese, cheese, applesauce, beef jerky and milk are about all I can handle without question.  Meat makes me sick unless it has gravy or a sauce over it (fat free of course) veggies are okay only sometimes but the ones that sit well are expensive...like asparagus because only the tips taste good LOL.  

I have a horrible time trying to take my vitamins..I choke em down but still...I feel sick every time I take them ..it's like I can 'feel' them in my pouch. I've gone back to liquid on two of them and a low sugar gummy on my multi...

other than the food and figuring out vitamins issues...I'm thirsty constantly..cant seem to drink enough water...the sun gives me a headache after being in it about 10 minutes..I get dizzy spells around that time of the month as well as munchies for carbs...( I try to stick to a handful of cheezits or something..it's carbs yes, but it has a LITTLE bit of protein as well..blah)

I wouldn't trade any of it though, I'd do it again in a heartbeat. I love my RNY, good and bad. The bad that comes with my RNY is way less severe than the bad of having the xtra 100+ lbs on me!!

As of February 3rd, 2011 I have lost 100 lbs since surgery.  What's even more amazing is the fact that I have lost 210 lbs from my highest recorded weight!! OH-MY-GOODNESS!!!  You would expect to feel a bit different after losing 210 lbs wouldn't you? Well I do and I don't, it's hard to explain but most of you on here know what I'm talking about. 

Sitting here typing, I have the keyboard on my lap.....my.....LAP!!! I have a LAP!!! Yes, I have a lap ...but all I tend to see is that I should really be wearing a shirt that covers my tummy better so it doesn't look like it's bulging out of my leggings.  I still see myself as "the fat one" even though I'm only 45 lbs heavier than my fiance who is considered  small.  I'm now in a size Large t-shirt and still have 60 lbs to go...It scares me to think of how small I will be once I hit goal yet all I can think of is that 60 lbs still left on me and praying I can lose it before my "honeymoon" with surgery is up.  I look at pictures of me from neck-up and I see a beautiful woman with awesome hair and makeup...but once I look in the mirror I still see "fat" and get the "why do I bother" feeling all over again. Still feeling the why bother feeling, I walk into the living room and my fiance practically falls all over himself trying to get to me to kiss me and tell me how beautiful I am. That's why I bother..he may get on my nerves once in a while but the love-at-first-sight thing keeps happening whenever one of us comes back into the room.  I hope that feeling never goes away! Even first thing in the morning when he looks like a grizzly bear and smells like he ate the toilet for breakfast lol...all I can see is my teddy bear and I just wanna hug him like those big fluffy ones around Valentines day!

I find it kind of funny that my ex didn't want me because of his insecurities and my weight. The reason I find it funny is today I found out from one of my best guy friends; my ex is marrying someone who is what I weighed WAY before surgery and here I am only 45 lbs from my goal..engaged (before he was..by like a year) AND my engagement is not a long distance one.  I'm sorry but it's his loss!! As my fiance says I'm turning into one hot mama...I wouldn't actually do it but I'd love to see the look on my ex's face if he ever 'accidently' gets hold of my "goal weight" picture!  (complete sarcasm because I want no contact considering the inconsiderate, psychotic, controlling jerk he was and my fiance had to tell the guy to leave me alone.)..and this blog was more for me than anyone else.

Things are going great as far as surgery goes.  I am 20 weeks post-op and have lost 85 lbs. (325 to 240 currently) Went from a size 28 to between an 18 and 20 now on bottom...size 4-5x to a xl/2x on top.  My hair has started to fall out this past month, pretty badly though.  I bought some Nioxin and hope it helps because I have very thin hair now..its embarassing and I cant do my hair certain ways without it looking horribly BALD.  

My frustrations are probly normal for this but to me they aren't.  Before surgery I had major back problems. At 20 yrs old I had major spine surgery to remove a blown disc due to being 435 lbs and being thrown about in a car wreck.  I had been in excrutiating pain for about 2-3 years before doc's did anything.  My mom now has pain from spine issues (arthiritis, not high weight) and she's driving me nuts.  She constantly tells me, "if you only knew how bad this hurt" and "you don't know what it's like"..umm..hello?? I went through that pain for 2-3 YEARS..not 2 months mom..cut me SOME slack.  Also...every night either me, my fiance or my dad does dishes..I've been doing hers and dads laundry..the grocery shopping and errands.  As a result, my radiator blew its top wide open so my car is now parked and I can't afford to fix it so I tell mom and she says "oh well, guess you have to park it". Grr.  I get yelled at whenever she decides to do dishes because I don't do enough and she does "everything". Uh huh, whatever.

All that aside, ppl are irritating me with the comments about my surgery.  I have people telling me to take excedrin for headaches and they get mad when I say I only take Tylenol..hello, it's none of your business or concern how I get rid of headaches stop getting pissed off at me.  Others scrunch their noses when I walk past them with  less food than a toddler eats.  Some tell me to stop eating things I shouldn't and I wont get sick as often.  Thats a problem...RNY patients can eat approved foods that shouldn't make them dump and if your pouch is being picky-mk-pickerson ...you'll dump on a piece of chicken...i've done it!  I had some peanut butter the other night (by request of my surgeon) and I dumped...got criticism for it ...blah.  I wish ppl could understand is all.  The person who understands best and is most supportive/helpful with the info is a person who totally screwed me over in the past and she is now helping me out ALOT with great advice.  Go figure eh?

Boy do I LOVE MY RNY!!!!

In a little under 4 months I have lost 81 lbs! I'm about a size 18 on bottom now and who knows on top because I just seem to wear it if I think it's cute. I'm about an xl if its fitted and a 2x if I want baggy/comfy.  Before surgery I was a 26/28 fitted and *ugh* baggy. 

I have gotten some criticism and most of all jealousy.  I expected the criticism but not the jealousy, not from the person I get it from.  My sister, she's not really my sister but a best friend since we were about 10 years old.  At one point she had gotten down to a size 8/10 when I was still close to 400 lbs.  I always supported her regardless and she assured me she would be there for me throughout my journey.  Well she's back up to 250 lbs and is only 5'2.  We were all good until I ended up getting REALLY close to under-weighing her.  She told me she had some pants for me that might be a bit tight but I could have them for when I end up that small.  They were a size 28 and one a 24.  Okay, I go shopping with this girl ALL THE TIME. She was my only shopping buddy. She knows that I havent been that big for 2 months now and I'm between an 18 and 16 now.  Why would she grin and tell me a 28 would be too tight? My fiance said you can just glance at the two of us and no question that I'm smaller by far so I asked him why she would do that.  He simply said "she's jealous".  I was also called a "B" by her because I have a busy life.  I have online courses I'm trying to finish up for my associate of science degree, it's Christmas time which means FAMILY time and I have two families now that I'm engaged. It's a bit hectic to be honest. Well apparently because I missed about 3 phone calls and 2 text messages then misplaced my phone, that makes me a major "b". 

I really am glad she has started acting this way because it has shown me once again who she really is.  I hate to not be around her and to not talk to her (we're not speaking as of now) but without going into detail and airing out the family laundry..uhm...she has done this before with the jealous attitude and was kicked out of the house by my mom for it. It was that bad.  SO ...no more.  I wish she could just be happy for me as I am for her and her new life but if we have to compare who has it "better off" then forget it. 

I know this is more of a facebook blog/complaint but I had to get this out and I don't want to hurt her by her being able to see everything I have written. We're already on bad terms and I'd like it to not totally blow up - she needs to be happy as well.

ANYWAYS so yeah...I love my RNY xD