Dear Future Self

Dec 15, 2015

      Well, if you are reading this, it means that you are having a "Poor me" or "It's not Fair" moment or whetever reason you are comtemplating returning to your previous ways. This letter is to remind you "TO GET A GRIP" and "GET OVER YOUR  S@#$%", this is tough love.

 I'm on OH on the eve of my surgery date, writing this type of "Dear John" letter and I'm scared ......Tomorrow I'm going to have 85% of my stomach removed and I'm imaging all the worst case possiblities that might occur, including DEATH. Yet, there are some who say this is the easy way out. I don't remember easy feeling like you have butterflies in your stomach or your hands and feet are freezing. I don't remember easy being you are so nervous that you snap at family members. NOTHING about this is easy, so if you are having a "moment", I want you to remember what your mind was like the eve of this surgery. It was complete CHAOS. Feelings of gulity and what if's moments, but you were determine to go through with it, because you saw your future without weight loss and it looked very dim and short.

 Oh, you are having that feeling! The one where you feel you could have done this on your own...Okay, let me break it down. Besides the obvious that you have been overweight your whole life with Morbid Obesity being your status quo for the last 8-10 years, you fought your demons on the Optifast liquid diet. It took every ounce of determination and creativity ( thank you Torani Sugar free syrups) not to stray off program. Do you know why you didn't cheat? Because you knew you were having surgery and you wanted to increase your chances of a successful outcome. If this was another diet fad, you would have been off the wagon in another week....

There are so many options for plus size women. This is a true statment, and there are fabulous plus size role models out there. Unfortunately, you did not get the memo and you were not happy being plus size! You are not healthy and you are not active and let's be honest here, your happiness with your weight and your constant struggle to pretend you are happy with your size is mentally and emotionally draining. It's time to be real and stop this PC for yourself. I can accept that I support body acceptance  without being plus size for myself. I don't want to be plus size, I was never happy plus size and it's okay. 

 You have a vision for yourself. You want to actively particiate in your life, not just exist. You want to run, do marathons, rockclimbing, pole dancing, Ironman etc. You want more than eating and staring at the four walls, dreaming about a life you feel you cannot attain. It means that you WILL have to change. It WILL be hard, but, you WILL succeed, because I KNOW YOU! So if the scale is not moving, re-evaluate your eating and activity. If that's on point, then are you losing inches? Make gym time a priority, make meal preparing a priority....MAKE YOU A PRIORITY!!!.... Cause you only have one life, so why not enjoy it!....Don't see this time as a chore, but a time to discover who you real are and what you are made of ....and if this does not motivate you....go to Plan B....Mom will ensure you get back on track

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