7 Months PO

Jul 21, 2016

      So I'm a little late on my post.Saturday 16th July was my 7 month, but I was on a 14 day stretch at work and I decided to leave my journaling for my days off:) On Saturday I weighed 179 lbs and as of today I'm 177.2lbs. My Large scrubs are way too big and the mediums are questionable. Depending on the brand I fit into an XS scrub top. Yesterday, for my retail therapy, I bought a size 30 Jeans, I'm trying not to get "hung" up on sizes, but the feeling is so unreal. When a friend of mine, who I consider petite, says " use my sweater since you are cold", I always say: "I'm not that small!" And it freaks me out when it fits. I see what I look like, I can tell I'm smaller, but my appetite has return and I'm fighting my sugar cravings. I've overindulge in the past, especially the weeks prior to my menstration and this behaviour causes me to question whether I will achieve my goal or be a successful long term weight loss patient. Even with the mind fuck I'm going through now, every day I make a commitment to myself that I will embrace my new lifestyle, every day I get up and promise to make better choices.

   Yesterday, I bought the FlatOut bread. I bought it knowing that bread is my nemesis. I texted my husband, who reminded me that this might be a trigger food for me and then I came here and used the search engine and a found a post with someone asking about them. I read the comments and there were a few opinions that stuck with me and  I made the decision not to "try" the bread. I don't know if I will ever be ready to add bread and rice back into my diet, but , previous "tries" of other foods,  during this journey, has lead me to believe that this one will probably be a dangerous slide to old habits. I DID NOT go through all this SHIT to go back to my old habits. So it's going to be given to a friend. I try to keep my calories under 800, but I've seen as high as 1300, and it's more of what I'm eating and not the quantity. My new addiction is protein powder with 10% cream and half of a quest bar, it curbs the sugar craving but that shit is LOADED!!!! Back to the drawing board, work in progress....I keep telling myself that now is the perfect time to correct my errors, cause I'm still losing, next year will be too late.... Still figuring out what I want for myself, still learning.

    Now for the positive, even though I know exercise is for good health and not weight loss, I can't express my joy that I jog 4-5 times a week. I struggle with emotional eating but jogging as soon as I wake up has become an effective alternative. I'm trying to be that person who I always wanted to be, healthy balanced individual. I will not overcome 20 plus years of bad habits in one year, but I feel I've gotten a great re-set button and it's up to me to take it and run with it, no pun intended;)

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