question for those that don't tell people about having WLS

I'm I houston, too!  who was your surgeon?

I used Dr. Jaykamur at NeWeigh. He's so soft spoken and patient. 

I tell people I am having wls and you cannot guess what the other persons reaction is going to be.  The person closest to me just said nothing nada.  Didn't even ask any questions like they are not interested, and has not brought it up.  I hear from others, "isn't that elective surgery?" like I'm planning a vacation or something. The next question they want to know, is it going to cost me alot of money out of pocket.  I respond, that the insurance  will save thousands a year if I have this surgery.  I find the responses are so varied that I am just glad I made my decision without there help.  I'd still be trying the next diet losing then gaining again. So I have a few good friends that are supportive but most people do think of wls as the easy way out.  I am hoping as they observe me they will see the truth, losing weight is hard for everyone, and this is my second chance at a healthy life.  So I tell anyone and go from there This is just my experience with those around me.

I just say I've been working hard and it hasn't been easy, but decided to take control over my health.  So I don't give specifics, but don't feel that's a half truth either.  It's more vague than anything.  It is a hard journey and I have taken control over my life.  Primarily I haven't told people at work.  I supervise 80+ people and really don't want that sort of office gossip.  They are mostly quite young people and look up to me.  I also don't want to say that I don't want to discuss it with them, because that would come across as very off putting to them.  I would never say something like that typically to people I work with.  I'm more nurturing than that, but I also want to keep this private.  It's a tough line to toe!  Other people in my life do know the truth.  

Here's the part I am having trouble understanding.  Why would it be off putting to tell your coworkers you don't want to discuss something with them?  Do they really expect you to share everything about your life with them, no matter how personal?  And if they do expect that, well, that seems very unreasonable to me.  So why do you feel it would be a bad thing to let them know their expectations are unreasonable and some parts of your life are private?

I think I'm a very  nurturing person.  Um, maybe I don't come across that way on OH because I am pretty direct and plain spoken about things.  But i do consider myself nurturing.  I like to help people.  I do things like take food to a sick friend, or send a friend nice bubble bath when they are going through a difficult time, or stop to help after witnessing a traffic accident, and I do volunteer work at a nursing home, and once when an apartment building down the street caught fire in the middle of winter and the residents had to rush outside in the snow without having time to put on their shoes, I gathered up my warmest socks and handed them out.  So I think I'm nurturing.  But that doesn't mean I share personal information with everyone and it doesn't mean I never tell people I am not comfortable discussing certain matters with them.

"Do they really expect you to share everything about your life with them, no matter how personal"

Clearly people do - since endless people will come out and ask co-workers, acquaintances, family members, etc. "Did you have weight loss surgery!?" or something similar. I respect people's boundaries and would never ask something like that. I would also not ask a woman if she "planned her pregnancy" or if "what are you going to do with all the excess skin" to someone that is losing lots of weight. I have heard people around me ask others countless things that are incredibly personal. LOTS of people have no problems asking all kinds of inappropriate questions! It's amazing, really, the kinds of things people will ask.

I can't tell you the number of people that have literally yelled across a crowded room at me, "HOW MUCH WEIGHT HAVE YOU LOST!? IT HAS TO BE OVER 100LBS!" and think nothing of it.

You certainly are nurturing.  You stick around here and always offer advice for us less experienced folks.  And for all the other reasons you mentioned.  I'm trying to figure out why I think it would sound off putting to say to coworkers that I prefer not to discuss.  Hmmm....Well, we are a close knit group.  It's a warm and fuzzy office.  We bring our kids in.  We throw showers for each other when someone is having a baby or getting married.  We attend each others' weddings.  In the lunch room, there is always conversation about diets, and new foods, and nutrition and things of that sort.  Every year we have a Biggest Loser challenge.  Weight loss and diet are a constant source of conversation.  So it would seem odd and cold I think if I were to say that to this particular set of folks.  If I were to see an acquaintance who I don't see often, I would have no problem telling that person that it is private.  Does that make sense?

Hey , 

I'm pre-op , and obviously I'm thinking about this subject on going !  I have told some people that this is what I'm doing and others I have withheld it ...for now . I am in no way ashamed of having to do this , I'm ashamed of letting myself eat and get myself to this weight where nothing else will will work enough for me to get down to a healthy BMI , but actually making this choice to do something about it and use a tool to get me to where I need to be along with my own will power and commitment to this ...no , not ashamed . The telling people part for me , is not so much about me it's usually based on the person I'm telling / not telling . I think you know what kind of response you will get from some people and , that's usually what I base telling them or not , on. My mother in law for example ....I have not told her and not sure I ever will . She is 83 , from the Phillipines , and has ALWAYS made comments about my weight ...how if only I could lose weight we'd be the perfect looking family ......do I want my son to be bullied at school because his mum is fat ......calls me and just randomly says down the line " quick turn the TV to DR Phil ...it's about people who are obese .ok bye "!!!!! ...etc etc .....so for me , when I tell her I'm doing this , I Know I will be BOMBARDED with constant calls , questions , she will go digging and find all sorts of stupid Dr OZ **** on why i shouldn't do this ...(believe me ...I already get the DR OZ  **** right now on what we should / shouldnt eating...how tk raise our son....not use this that and the other thing !!) Stories of how her cousins aunties brothers girlfriend died and so on . I honestly , cannot be arsed listening to it !!! She drives me crazy enough right now !! And of course there are some older people , who simply just don't understand it , so again , I really sometimes feel I just don't want the hassle of explaining myself . When asked how I am losing weight when it happens , I'm not sure how I will approach it but I do think , in some way , depending on who we are talking to , we have to get creative . Perfect strangers or acquaintances  , I don't think it really matters what you say right ? You can be brutally honest and it won't affect you because they are not in your life so much . People close to you like your friends , hopefully they are supportive enough to let you make your own decisions knowing you are making the right choice for yourself . And won't judge or hassle you . 

Anyway , I guess it's a roller coaster ride for a while , whatever way we approach it . If we are commited  , all we can do is sit back and enjoy the ride , and the ney' sayers can just bugger off !! Lol 

Jax xx

I've told some people, but I'm not an open book. I have been completely open with certain people - those that I trust to give support, anyone that can benefit from the surgery, and medical professionals (even not my own). For the longest time, I had never been asked "what I was doing to lose weight" by anyone that had more than 20, 30, or 40 lbs to lose. But, in the last couple of months, I have been asked by several morbidly obese individuals and I have not hesitated to tell them about surgery. I've talk about it with anyone in the medical field, simply because I think more physicians could be accepting of WLS and refer their patients when asked. I thank my PCP EVERY. TIME. I see her for referring me to the weight management clinic. I shudder when I think of where I would be if she hadn't.

For me, I've just never been comfortable talking about my efforts to lose weight. Weight gain and loss just draws a lot of attention to people and I hate it. If I were "just" doing diet and exercise, I still wouldn't want to talk about it with people that are simply being nosy (and you can tell who those people are).  I guess it has felt like a lot of pressure. 

For anyone that doesn't fit into the criteria above, I jokingly say that "Don't eat anything that tastes good" and it moves the conversation along. People don't pu**** Of course, they ask my brother and mother in law if I've had surgery... but they say, "I don't know.. you'd have to ask her... that's not my business!" and of course... the people never ask me. I think deep down they know that if I wanted to talk to them about it - I would.

I understand not being comfortable talking about it.

So are you are uncomfortable saying "I'm not comfortable talking about that?"  Is that why you make a joke instead?