question for those that don't tell people about having WLS

Since I'm not Kelly, I can't respond to your last statement.

What I can say, however, is that it can be very valuable for people to look at why they choose to give half-truth answers. Sometimes, when people look at the emotions and thought processes behind their reluctance to be open about WLS they get some really good insight into themselves and may find clues to things that they need to deal with long term in order to maintain their weight and be as emotionally healthy as they are physically.

Lora

EXACTLY!

After reading the responses to your post Kelly (and yesterday's post by another OH'er), one thing I have gathered is you don't understand or agree with other peoples' replies to this important question. That's fine, the great thing is we all get to choose for ourselves how we handle this situation. What's "right" for you is just that...right for you. 

I don't feel that your way is wrong, nor do I feel the need to have an understanding of why you do what you do. Just let them be.

Obviously I'm in the minority; but my life is pretty much an open book.  I am extremely blunt--sometimes too blunt.  You "never" have to guess where I'm coming from. So with that being said, I have told everyone and anyone that will listen, that I'm having wls.  If I "ever" get any negative comments, they would have hell to pay.  I will not put up with any mess.  Good luck to you all -- and start living life!

I personally feel like it is lying to leave out the WLS part when someone asks me. I also feel like when you have been dieting for X number of years and you were unsuccessful at weight loss then BAM you lose 100 pounds that people are gonna speculate.

My go-to line is, "Well after 30 years of dieting and trying everything else - I decided it was time for weight loss surgery. I had gastric bypass."

Furthermore if I say "I am not comfortable talking about it" that's just weird. Who doesn't share diet advice? Someone with something to hide - or someone who is embarrassed by it. So by saying that I think it draws even MORE attention to the matter.

"Who doesn't share diet advice? Someone with something to hide - or someone who is embarrassed by it. So by saying that I think it draws even MORE attention to the matter."

Excellent point! I agree.

My embarassment would have been regain, outing myself meant I had to stay dilligent or risk being the topic of gossip once again like when I was MO.  No thanks.  I weighed myself on my birthday, 128, 10lbs below my ultimate goal.  WooooHooooo!

Okay, first my disclaimer: I was reasonably open about my surgery once I had my surgery date set, but didn't tell everyone.  After surgery, I was much more open about it especially when dealing with other people who were overweight because I genuinely believed that they were asking because they wanted to know if there was something that might work for them. At 7 years out, I am still pretty open about how I lost the weight (if it comes up... which it rarely does these days), but there have been people I chose not to tell. I also very much believe that the "diet and exercise" half answer does a huge disservice to obese people everywhere and is a lie because people are intentionally leaving out the BIGGEST contributor to their success.

Now... personal response: I was raised by a Marine so I don't usually have trouble being direct with people, but I when I have chosen not to tell someone  -- usually because it was someone whom I knew was just trying to be nosy or was only asking to have info for the lunchroom gossip group -- I found it was difficult to find a way to decline to discuss it that didn't sound at least a little bit rude or sound like I was intentionally hiding something. Even my best approach -- saying "would it be ok if we don't discuss that topic?" -- occasionally resulted in the other person appearing put off.  So I can understand why people struggle to do that.

What I finally decided was my second best option was to tell people that, after a lifetime of struggling with my weight and enduring from teasing from schoolmates and rude comments from strangers, I prefer not to be reminded of those things by discussing my weight at all.  I have yet to have anyone respond negatively to that.

For me, since my weight was largely trauma-induced, the statement is quite true, does not come across as being rude or evasive, and ends the conversation. 

There ARE ways to politely decline to discuss it, and IMO saying what I choose to say or making a joke isn't substantively different than saying bluntly "I'd rather not discuss it", but will get a hell of a lot better response from the person asking the question...  So I don't think there is really any difference between making a joke to get someone to drop the subject and in being blunt.  

Professional response: Many, if not most, people that I have seen professionally, whether WLS patients or not, simply aren't comfortable being straightforward about many things and it is emotionally easier to make a joke or to give a half-truth.  I also know from working with WLS clients, however, that giving the "diet and exercise" half-truth also allows them to avoid the painful reminder that surgery was the only way they were going to be able to control their weight... and many, many WLS clients are extremely uncomfortable with that even once they have had their surgery and will do all sorts of things to avoid having to come to terms with that emotionally.

Lora

I was one who's always told people about my surgery.  I know a few people (in real life) whom I suspected of having WLS but when I asked,"What are you doing?" They would tell me about exercising and their diet.  This may or not be the whole truth but I strongly suspect that they wls. As a heavy person, I felt like I was reaching out to them for answers and I wanted to know the full story about their weight loss.  Of course-I realize that it truly is not my business and everyone has the right to disclose what they want but it was obvious that I was struggling with obesity and just wanted some help.

While I was very open about my surgery-I did wait to tell most people that I was having surgery until about 2 weeks before it.  I just did not want to hear anyone's "friend of a friend" horror stories. And I did not want anyone to try to talk me out of it so I did not want to be in the position of having to "justify" it to others.  Being that it was already scheduled and 2 weeks away-most people steered clear of lecturing me.

Pam :)

If asked, I tell. I'm not ashamed of my wls, I'm proud I took the steps to be healthy.  If my journey helps somebody, I'm thrilled. After all, someone else's journey started mine.